Lost in Narnia

I received what is prolly one of the best Christmas presents I have ever received yesterday.

Sir Manny called me into his office yesterday to tell me that he managed to get premiere tickets to The Chronicles of Narnia for that night. I was surprised to know that there was a premiere, much more that it was only a few hours away. He only learned of it the night before from a friend. He offered them to me, knowing I am the Narnia fanatic (bordering obssession actually) in the office.

After securing the tickets came the task of looking for a companion. Since the thing was so last minute most of the people I asked already have plans. What made it worse was that I only know a handful of fans like me. The Lord eventually gave me someone, in the form of Lyka.

He is so smart. The place was studded with Kapuso talents, most note-worthy is Richard Gutierrez. I didn't mind them much, but my friend did. Lyka, you see, was a full-fledged Kapuso. What made her night was seeing Lander Vera-Perez (there with his wife Regine Tolentino and their kids). She has been crushing on him since she was 12 and it was the first time she saw him in person :p heehee

I enjoyed the movie very much. I can't wait to watch it again (darn the MMFF!). I wrote a quick review of the film on my site. Check it out if you want to know how I found the movie (but you prolly know that by now ;p)

Enough of the Drama, Life is Short

After almost a week of being down and cranky and angsty towards people who irked me, it's time to move on. If they can't take a hint, wala na akong magagawa. Bahala na si Lord sa kanila. Life is short, I might as well enjoy it. :D

Anyway, my real reason for posting is to 'promote' another batch of Indie articts that I have discovered this week :D

First is Robin Welty. Her music's a combination of pop and modern rock; her songs are, in fact, quite radio friendly. You can listen full MP3s of her songs on her official site :)

There's also Josh Hilliker. He reminds you of an upbeat Stephen Curtis Chapman. :) You can listen to some of his songs here.

There's also the band The Blackstones. Their music is like Jars of Clay meets The OC.

Oh yeah, there's also Jason Sweet. He's in the same league as Jeremy Camp, Third Day and Jars of Clay.

Most of the artists I've posted have their own pages in MySpace, The Spirit Radio, Grassroots Music and Indie Heaven.

I've uploaded samples of their songs (in full MP3, of course) in my site :) Check it out!

Let's Be Adults

I believe I am capable of a serious conversation. I may be all jokes and stuff, but when matters are pretty serious it is better if we sit down and talk about it. I don't like guessing games and mind games; I am not a mind reader people. Heck, I'm not even an empath; but I am not stupid.

So please, if you have anything you want to talk about, just approach me and let's deal with it in a mature, adult manner: by talking about it. It will make each one of us a whole lot of good if we deal with this now.

Of Cows and Men

I still can't fathom how intelligent people can sometimes stoop so low and speak the language of the cows...

A Memorable Week

There are some days that you want to erase in your memory, there are just some that you want to go back to forever. The last week may have been booboo-filled, among others, but it's part of why I want to immortalize them in this blog:

MONDAY
After so long, Zy was able to attend KG. And since she was gone for so long, she made up for it with a proportionally lengthy sharing :p (love 'ya dichie!) The rest of the day was ok, with drafts finally coming in and the pressure of finishing everything by Friday. Oh yeah, I also discovered the wonders of a warm, fluffy shawl that my grandma gave my mom, which she gave me in return. I may have looked like a lola then, but I didn't care - it was warm and comfy and I love it!

It was also here that I finalized the teamn that will join the Tribu A-Mall-Zing race that Saturday. Team A&F was composed of Crystal Rebucas, Retzel Orquiza and me :)

TUESDAY
Inja and I went to a meeting for the sponsors and participants of the Chris Sports event in Megamall. Us, plus Sir Andy, originally planned to go wall climbing that afternoon to prepare me for my very first adventure race. Sadly, the meeting went a bit overtime, plus I was needed back in the office for there were a lot of production questions that only I can answer. Plus the proofs also came flooding in so I was forced to stay overtime in the office and miss TR.

WEDNESDAY
Lunch time, Marvi and I went to Katipunan coz I need to meet up with Marielle to give her her writer's cheques plus compli mags. We also did some minor marketing work by leaving mag copies in Starbucks and Seattle's Best. How I missed Katipunan! When we got back I once again faced the pile of proofs on my desk; my beloved editor didn't go to the office that day for he had a slew of meetings.

That night, Lyka, Yukee and I went to Gweilo's in Eastwood City to watch Naima's gig. My friends Mikel and Pipes were there with their other friends when we got in the bar. The last time I went to a bar was back in college. I missed my Tapika days with Yam and Kimmy and the others... That day was full of college retrospects. Naima was the first band to play, and the three of us got to see their whole set (although I was a bit sad that they didn't perform "Di Bale Na Nga" :p) It was sooo good to finally see Mikel and Pipes after sooo long. I admit, I missed these guys. And I am happy that after everything, we're still friends. Hey, please support them in their gigs! The band's NAIMA, hokie? :)

Oh, Lyka also had a surprise birthday plan for Yukee, the final version of which was to wait for Yukee to get home at around 2 in the morning (coz he had to have his clearance signed where he used to work). We got home from Gweilo's at around past midnight so we had more than two hours to wait, which was worth it for Yukee appreciated what we did.

Another thing, this was the last day of my contract at work! Time passed by so quickly that I didn't realize that I was already in the magazine for six months! Hehe... I think I'm on regular status already...

Wait, this is Thursday morning already, I better move on...

THURSDAY
We slept at around three in themorning, but I had to wake up at 5:30 coz I have to meet up with Sir Andy, Aaron the photog and Patrick, Andy's friend, for a photoshoot in the hills of Antipolo. Each of us had our roles to play; mine was to drive the Nissan Frontier T3 (haha! product placement!) that Sir borrowed. The last time I drove was two years ago, and it was just a sedan.

Up in the hills of Antipolo, I was 'driving' the truck while Aaron was beside me or behind me taking photos of Andy and Patrick. I am sooo grateful that Aaron was a really patient person, for he also acted as my driving instructor that day. As we were approching the really steep part of the hill, I was shifting between primera and segunda (dunno how to call them in English); when we parked somewhere to wait for the two bikers, the rear side of the truck was smoking, and there was a strong smell of burnt rubber. Apparently I overworked the clutch mechanism of the vehicle. Also I had a lot of stalls and dying engine moments, for I have a really hard time making timpla the clutch and the gas.

Bottomline is I survived the day, driving uphill with only less than three hours of sleep. And even though I almost hit a trike full of students when I overtook it, downhill, I got to bring us to where we needed to go. To add insult to the injury, the three guys with me were making fun of my "driving," with my boss imitating how I "drove." Well, I wasn't insulted nor offended; I admit it was really horrible! I am very grateful to the Lord that I am still here, being able to recount that experience.

FRIDAY
After a horrific experience, I decided that I will leave the office early so I can go have at least a 30-minute tutorial for ice skating, since it was one of the tasks. But the proofs prevented me from doing so, so I just lifted it all up to Him.

Since Inja took a birthday leave the day before (it was her birthday also), she and Sir James treated us to lunch this day. It was good, with yummy Pansit Malabon and Lechon Manok and Sansrival ice cream :)

In the afternoon Sir Andy discussed with me his evaluation of me for my 6-month stay so far in the office. I was surprised that he rated me higher than I rated myself, but of course he still pointed out my booboos. Even though it hurts, I accepeted all the observations and his suggestions, for it's all for my betterment din naman. It's always been said that "those who love corrections are blessed" or something to that effect. And I do, coz it shows me the areas that I need to improve on. It also helped that Sir Andy did that in the most "caring" way, na hindi offensive. I am really grateful and blessed to have him for my superior. I couldn't ask for a better boss (Naks naman!)

That night was GenRev Night. I met up with the SS in ECR na coz I needed to finish some more stuff in the office. When I got there there weren't mush people yet but praise God they slowly trickled in and the night was great! Remember the shiny-five-peso-bet I did in one of my previous entries? Well, let's just say I owe Lani four shiny 5-peso coins :p

SATURDAY
Since Lani and Zy slept over the apartment again after GenRev Night, we slept in the early morning once again. Which was not good for this day was the day of my very first adventure race. So sleeping for only three hours (again!) I went to McDo St. Francis to meet up with Crystal and Retzel. I am really grateful that at first meeting we gelled really fast; it helped us during the race. It also helped that Retzel's friends with the organizers, mas fun yung experience.

My failure to train for wallclimbing and ice skating got back to me; the two CPs where those are the challenges required all the team members to do the task. And, unfortunately, I had to skate and wall climb. My ass was really sore the whole weekend for I fell on the ice innumerable times! It was so embarrasing as I was doing those stupid acrobatic stunts just trying to balance myself on the ice that the kids while the kids watching me were gliding gracefully. It was sweet though as they cheer "Go Ate, you can do it," in their adorable high-pitched voices and giving me tips on how to stand up.

Same with wallclimbing. Since my upper body was stronger than my lower body (which is a bad thing) my body gave up just when I was nearing the last stone. Although I was surprised how my legs were able to puch me up to that point I still had to scream and squeal as I try to reach that friggin' last stone. I was also grateful that Crystal and Retzel was ever so patient during those two challenges, for I believe I was the cause of our delay. They were there cheering me to go on. It was also nice of Pe, one of the organizers, to go up the wall and cheered me on from the top. Haha!

After the race Team A&F placed 5th overall. Not bad for a team composed of a pro (Retzel) and well-prepared newbie (Crystal) and a newbie klutz (me). The night before a friend taught about reaching, and overcoming, thresholds. And I believe I overcame mine big time, the physical part that is. The whole afternoon was non-stop running and strategizing, falling flat on my butt, then run again, but it was really fun! I also loved my teammates, and we wish that we get to join another race as a team again :)

SUNDAY
With my body sore and hurting, I once again had to wake up early to take my Law Aptitude Exams (LAE) in UP. I was really nervous a bit coz I haven't studied AT ALL for this, when most others spend a lot in LAE review classes.

So inside Malcolm Theatre I sat and took the exam, which was easier than what I had expected. But I give FULL CREDIT to the Holy Spirit for my confidence in taking the exam. I would have not done it on my own; it was all God's grace, as with all of what I "achieved" this week. It was all Him, and I praise and thank the Lord for his Wisdom and Grace.

After the exam I met up with my family in SM North for our annual Christmas shopping. But since we need to go back before four (and I arrived there at almost one), I just helped my brother do his shopping (who was also waiting for me to, well, do the exact thing). But I was happy with the items my brother and I were able to buy for him; he sooo needed an image change :) After shopping, we heard mass in Barasoian Church, to the delight of Monsignor Flint, and had dinner in our favorite place.

MONDAY
Nothing much happened the whole day, although around 2 PM there was a brownout. We called up Meralco every now and then to ask for the status of the repairwork, and shut us up by explaining the status with whatever jargons the guy on the other end can think of. Anyway, the highlight was a few hours later, when, at 6:30 in the evening there were still no electricity. So we jsut decided to dine out, for it's such a hassle to prepare dinner in the dark. So my dad, my brother and I dressed up while we wait for my mom (who decided to go to the salon for she was bored :p). Just when the three of us were dressed already, the electricity came back. But we were set to eat outside. When the lights were turned, all I saw was orange: while fumbling for something to wear in the dark we didn't notice that all three of us pulled out ORANGE SHIRTS! All we could do was laugh so hard, and my mom was laughing hard as well when she arrived and saw us; thank goodness she was wearing brown, but we were urging her to join us and be our "ka-kosa" :p My dad's explanation for our get-up: it's our way of thanking Meralco for bringing back the electricity in our town :D

So that's my week folks. I'm sorry for the lengthy entry, for so much happened; I only tried to put here the highlights. But of course, if you had an experience such as mine, wouldn't you want to remember it always? Even if it's just for laughs? :D

Hurray for Indie Christian music

Since the second issue of the mag is nearing its completion, I had time to look for more indie Christian artists... I'm starting to become a junkie here :p

One is Dave Pettigrew. My fave song is "I Will Follow." If you're familiar with Chris Tomlin, Pettigrew's music is like that: alternative/rock-y. Most of his songs are from his prayer time.

Another is Broken Vessels. My fave is "You are God." They're also alternative/rock, but most of their songs are of the praise and worship kind.

There's also the duo Bread of Stone. You can listen to samples of their songs here.
I pray their albums are already available here in the country... if you are thinking of what to give me for Christmas, you know what to get me... wehehehe

Oh yeah, I've uploaded Pettigrew's song, as well as three from Broken Vessels on my site. Check it out!

New Discovery

I have heard people talk about him before, and I was like "What's the fuss all about?" But yesterday things changed...

I stumbled upon Paul Wright's page in here and got to listen to a couple of his songs... and my heart melted...

He's definitely in my Christmas wishlist (well, his albums at least :p)

You can check out his official site here

Looking Forward to Next Weekend

Next weekend is pretty jampacked for me. Friday, there will be GenRev Night. I'll say I'll behave like lady this time (to make up for my so-un-lady-like behavior during GenRev Live), but I can bet my shiny 5-peso coin that i won't. The next day I will be joining my first ever urban adventure race, as part of Team A&F. That will be for the whole day. Then early the following morning I will take my UP Law entrance exams. Then right after I'll meet my family in the mall to do some Christmas shopping. I'm just so grateful the Monday is a holiday... :)

Heehee, can't wait!

Childhood Memories and Motherly Woes

I was having lunch earlier with my colleagues in the office, Mikey,the youngest son of our COO, dropped by. He has a pedia's appointment in the afternoon and mommy will bring him there.

When he arrived he passed by us, eyes all droopy and gloomy, like he was perenially sleepy, and was dragging his body into the office. When he and his mommy went out to join us for lunch, he was listless. Mommy told us that he has "just cried" for he just had a fight with his yaya. I felt for the poor kid. Then Joy, the assistant here in the office, gave him his Chickenjoy lunch and after a few mouthfuls he was happy again and was making kulit about our company outing tomorrow.

As I was watching that change of temperament due to Chickenjoy, I imagine myself being in my boss' shoes, with a child that changes moods faster than a mood ring. And I'm both scared and excited at the same time.

I never experienced taking care of a child before. When my brother was born my mom hired a yaya because she has to go to work, plus I'm still a tot that time so, obviously, I can't fend for myself yet. Until I grew up I never really held a baby for so long. One, the grown-ups never trusted me; second, I'm afraid I might do something stupid that will put that baby's life in peril. Like the one time my lola asked me to look after one of my baby cousins (I was 11 at the time), I almost dropped him to the floor, which could've been a disaster, not to mention fatal (both for my cousin and me).

I have always said to myself that when I become a mom, I will be a better mom that my own mother. Since I was a really pasaway kid that time, I thought that it would be a good way to spite her, to get back at her for pinching my ears when she caught me eating chocolates in bed when I was 8. Before I used to think that any mom is better than mine, and I am envious of my friends' moms who allow them to go to the mall on their own or play outside. And my dear mama would always tell me that someday all the bad things I did to her would get back to me when I have kids of my own. It's like I'm being cursed or something.

Then I grew up, went through four years in high school, survived four years of college living on my own, and now, so far, surviving six months as part of the work force. Before I know it i'll be going towards the next phase in my life: courtship, then hopefully marriage and family life.

One of the SS' favorite topic of conversation is GB TALKS. Musings on our GBs (God's Best), waiting on the Lord and the prospect of finally meeting that special person that God has set apart just for you. For three girls who have not had boyfriends yet, the thought is quite exciting, but since we're in the Lord, we have learned to actively wait, and not just daydream about that person. Although we all wish that a particular person be our GB, God's thoughts and ways are not the same as ours (right on Isaiah [55:8-9]!).

I can't wait to get to that phase, though at the same time I am quite happy being single :) How long I'll have to wait for that, only God knows. But I believe that when it does happen, it will be the sweetest thing in the whole world.

Run-away Girl

Have you watched the show Fear Factor? Yeah, I'm sure you have seen an episode. The contestants are subjected to challenges that are basically their worst fears (from the most disgusting to the most stomach-churning).

What do you fear the most? What do you fear more: the fear itself or the notion of facing that fear?

I fear a lot of things. I am afraid of riding ships, coz I am afraid of drowning, I am afraid of rats (oh wait, more of disgusted), I am afraid of losing my family, I am afraid of growing old alone, yet I am afraid to make a commitment, coz I am afraid of rejection. I am afraid of uncertainty.

I am no extraordinary case. I bet everyone has the same fears as I have. We only differ in the way we face our fears. How have I managed mine? Very poorly, I must say. I am a very good escape artist, though. When faced with a situtaion with a very uncertain outcome, I run away from it as fast as I can. I don't want to know what will happen if I move forward and face it. Most of the time though I regret my decision of running away because the outcome of the situation, had I faced it, was good.

Case in point: just yesterday I discovered that my wardrobe was turned to termite-ville. Somehow rain water seeped into it and the termites saw access to all my clothes. When I opened my cabinet and lifted a nicely-folded shirt a swarm of termites greeted me. I was so disgusted at it at the same time afraid to see the extent of the damaged so I asked our helper to just stash all the clothes in garbage bags and burn them the next day. I had the cabinet dismantled also, so now I am a wardrobe-less girl. My other clothes that were not yet placed in the cabinet was on my study table as of the moment.

Now this morning my mom and my yaya were rummaging through the clothes to see the extent of the damaged. My yaya suddenly discovered one shirt that I have only worn once! It was a shirt I bought in AMA Mall, with a pawikan (Philippine green turtle) print at the back, in very, very good condition! No holes, no damage at all! She just washed it and it was good as new.

If not for the 'courage' of my mom and my yaya to face the icky termites, they may not have saved that shirt. It may have been a pile of ashes now, together with the other pieces. Now my yaya's trying to salvage more clothes for me.

Hope you got what I was trying to point out (shallow the example may be).

There are bigger things I am afraid of. Especially afraid of rejection. We are all called to share the Good News of our Lord to everyone, yet I am as chicken as Chicken Little. I am afraid that people won't listen to me, won't pay me attention, won't even mind me. For years I have been telling myself that "I can do it, how hard can that be?" and I am still telling myself the same words till now. I also like this guy, but I dare not admit it for fear of what will happen if I do, and what my friends will say if they learned about it.

I have been inspired to write about fear for a few nights I have been receiving a very inspiring message from the Lord. "Take courage," the Lord says. He said that to Daniel in a vision (Daniel 10:19), He also told Paul in prison (Acts 23:11). The angel Gabriel also told Mary "not [to] be afraid, for you have found favor in God" (Luke 1:30, NAB). He has been assuring me not to be afraid, to take courage and be strong. Living in fear, for me, is also living in my comfort zone. I have been so comfortable in my present situation, because my fear of moving forward has allowed me to settle in, like sediments at the bottom of the sea. The Lord has been telling me to get off my ass and do something, but I am so afraid of doing so. Now he's been assuring me to not be afraid and just do whatever He wants me to do.

I hope that you will be assured with these words as well. It is comforting to know that whatever you do there is Someone to catch your back. He even said that "I know well the plans I have in mind for you...plans for your welfare, not your woe! Plans to give you a future of hope." (Jeremiah 29:11 NAB)

Whatever situation you may be in right now, I hope that you take the last verse to heart. Everything that happens to us happens for a reason, but all these happen for our own good (Romans 8:28). Don't lose heart when you're in deep sh*t. You can overcome it, don't be afraid. Remember the story of the Footprints in the Sand?

A friend once told me that he has never seen me depressed, but he has no idea how much I hurt inside when I do. I take assurance in the words I shared above. I may be afraid of facing my fear but I am not afraid that I am alone in what I undergo. I love this verse in Corinthians, when Paul says that "no trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:13 NAB)

I have been assured and re-assured. The Lord has done His part, now it's time to do mine. I will not be afraid. I will do whatever He asks me to do, "in Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Fast Feet!

From the same publishers of SPEED, the magazine for the fast-paced lifestyle, comes Action & Fitness Magazine for the life you really want. Action & Fitness is the country’s premier active lifestyle magazine that features adventure sports, training, health, travel and leisure articles for the hard-working, hard-charging executive.

Debuting this month, National Triathlon champion Sandra Araullo and executive athlete Fritz Martinez dash on the cover as we look into why running is more than just a foot race. We’ll also get to meet ultra marathoner Dean Karnazes, the man who risks life and limb to finish his race in life. Be guided with our special Guide to Running Shoes and feast your eyes on the latest models out in the market.

Don’t judge a magazine by its cover story; there’s a lot more inside. Debunk the common misconceptions about Yoga, and take a fresh look at sport specific training. Discover the hidden treasures of Cagayan de Oro and Camiguin and indulge in guilt-free desserts. Plus take a peek at the latest sports gadgets and vehicles to compliment that active lifestyle.

Grab a copy of Action & Fitness in your favorite newsstands and bookstores now! For subscription inquiries, please call 371-6771 to 75.

Pursuing God's Best with Passion

"I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." Isaiah 48:17 NIV

I was having a heart- to-heart talk with one of my sons recently, and I was encouraging him to not only pray for God's will for his life and circumstances, but to pray for God's absolute best. I told him how years ago, the Lord began dealing with me in this area, and challenging me to become all that He created me to be, and to accomplish all that He called me to do. I began thinking about how different my life would be today, if I hadn't made the decision to passionately pursue God's best in every area of my life. Perhaps I'd be working in a travel agency, like I did so many years ago. I might have been content doing that, to some extent, although I know in my heart that I'd never feel fulfilled--not because there's anything wrong with working in a travel agency, but because I know now that it wasn't God's best for me. And I shudder to think about all the lives I would have missed out on touching, if I settled for less than the Lord's best for my life.

The Bible makes it clear that our God earnestly desires to help us receive His best for our lives. But it also reveals that there are some things we need to do to cooperate with Him in this process. First and foremost, we need to have a sincere reverence for God, His Word, and His ways. Psalm 25:12 (TLB) says: "Where is the man who fears the Lord? God will teach him how to choose the best." As we humble ourselves before the Lord on a daily basis, seeking His will in every situation and circumstance, He will teach us to choose His best every time. Keeping an open and obedient heart when we pray for God's best is absolutely essential. Isaiah 1:19-20 (NIV) says: "'If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.' For the mouth of the Lord has spoken." Having a rebellious spirit will not only keep us from God's best, but it will ultimately destroy us. We don't have to look very far to see the evidence of this problem all around us, even among Christians. Jesus wants, not only to be our personal Savior so that we can go to heaven when we die, but He desires to be the Lord of every area of our lives while we are here on this earth. One reason for that is because He wants us to receive His absolute best in this life, as well as in the next. Some Christians doubt that there is a "best pathway" for each of our lives, but Scripture reveals that there is. Psalm 32:8-9 (NLT) says: "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.'" Very often, those who resist the idea that God has a unique, specific plan for their lives have a problem with pride. Their refusal to submit to God's control dooms them to look back on their lives in later years with painful regret over what might have been. Last, but not least, we need to maintain a worshipful attitude throughout the day, every day. Psalm 34:9 (MSG) says: "Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all His goodness."

I encourage you to seek the Lord about how you can pray for His best in every situation, as well as in every area of your life. I like to put some of the Scriptures I just mentioned in prayer form: "Lord, make me willing and obedient that I may eat the best from the land." And I also use other verses to petition God for His best: "Lord, I pray that no matter what I plan, no matter what anyone else plans for me, that You will direct my steps and make them sure, and that Your highest purposes will prevail in every area of my life, and in every matter that concerns me." (Proverbs 16:9, Proverbs 19:21) I also ask God to guide me by praying: "Lord, shut against me every door that it's not Your perfect will and pleasure for me to enter, and open wide before me every door that it IS Your perfect will and pleasure for me to enter, and help me to enter it at the right time, and in the right way." By praying prayers like these with sincerity, I am submitting myself to the Lord's will, and showing Him that I really do want His best for my life. I don't believe that I would have a ministry that touches the lives of thousands of people on a regular basis today, if it weren't for my passionate pursuit of God's highest and best. Ask yourself today, "Just how much will I miss out on in this life, if I fail to pray and believe God for His best?"

Lord, teach me how to desire and pursue Your best for me in every area of my life. Remind me that You don't expect perfection, but only cooperation. Thank You that as I refuse to settle for less than Your best, You will guide me and guarantee my success!

from JesusFreakHideout Devotional

Raul

My dad broke to us the news that Raul, a cousin of mine, confined in a hospital, is nearing death. Sad news, isn't it? Not for me.

You see, this cousin of mine is no ordinary cousin. He is a major pain in the butt. He is more than ten years older than I am, and he grew up in my paternal grandma's house because his mom is, well, a crazy (literally) vagabond. He was with them since he was a toddler, and my dad and his brothers really grew fond of him. The family provided for him like they would the other children. They gave him everything he needed, sent him to school. Everything came to him on a silver platter.

But he got hooked to his barkada and to drugs. He stopped going to school, stole valuable items in my grandma's house and sells them to sustain his addiction. He'll create commotions to scare my grandma into giving him money. When the money well dried up he became a drug pusher.

All the years of addiction and starvation eventually led him to lose his wits. Until the baranggay was forced to bring him to the hospital, the special one in Mandaluyong.

That story isn't the whole of Raul's life. It doesn't even scratch the surface. But all his years his life turned for the worse. There will be times that he will sober up and be all nice and good, even becoming a tricycle driver so that he could at least provide for himself.

I grew up knowing the bad Raul. My parents always reminds me to be cautious of the guy, to avoid him every moment I can. Eventually I came to fear him. And as he lay there at this moment on his deathbed, it is my fears that has numbed my heart.

Everytime I will hear him shouting and screaming and demanding money from my grandma, or hear newa that he has been causing trouble somewhere in the baranggay or in another place, I always wish that he is dead. He is better off dead. Better for him, and especially better for us. Good riddance, I would always think. And now that he is near death's door, I still feel the same way.

I don't know if you have felt the way I am feeling now: wishing someone be dead and not feeling a bit of remorse or guit over it. But I do. Once there was a rumor that he died of drug overdose, I wasn't happy but I wasn't mourning either. I was a stone. I was blank. I was really hoping he was dead, but it was a false alarm.

I wish our story has a happy ending. I wish he has repented from his ways and lived a better life early on, got married and had kids. But no. He chose to live that way. In the end it will be him that will decide his fate. We can't force a way of life on him. I still think he is better off dead and be over with all the hardships he's going through (or made himself to go through), and stop the headache and fear that he inflicted us all these years.

RE-POST: Looking for God in Harry Potter

I got this article in Christianity Today. It is pretty interesting, if you ask me :)

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Harry Beasts
The animal symbols in Potterdom are powerful pointers to Christian reality.

An excerpt from John Granger's Looking for God in Harry Potter posted 07/15/2005 09:30 a.m.

Looking for God in Harry Potter
by John GrangerTyndale House,144 pp.; $16.99

Books that are rich in symbolism necessarily support a Christian worldview. The difference between believers and atheists or agnostics is that the secular crowd does not believe that anything exists beyond what can be sensed or measured. Everything is a this-worldly quantity. Christians understand the world to be a shadow of the reality of its Creator and that this greater reality—God—is rightly the focus of our lives. Symbolic literature requires—and celebrates—this otherworldly perspective that magically undermines the worldly, atheistic, and materialist perspective of our times.

This explains, too, why books that are rich in specifically Christian imagery, and symbols are as powerful and popular as they are. Tertullian said that "all souls are Christian souls," and Augustine echoed him in writing that "our hearts are restless 'til they rest in Thee." Since we as human beings are designed for the Christian revelation, stories that retell the Great Story satisfy the longing we are hardwired to feel and answer.

Symbols of the animal kingdomFor most of us, the connection between an animal and its symbolic quality is pretty clear. A dog embodies and radiates the virtue of loyalty; a cat, feminine beauty and grace; a lion, power and majesty; an eagle, freedom; and a horse, nobility.
But the animals in Harry Potter are not your conventional domestic pets or zoo beasts. Rowling has a rich imagination and a special fascination for fantastic beasts; she has even written a Hogwarts "schoolbook," Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, cataloging her favorites, A to Z. Are these products of her imagination symbols in the way eagles and lions are symbols?
Yes and no. No, I don't think a fictional lion (say, the one that occurs throughout the Potter books on the banners of Gryffindor House or the lion Aslan in Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia) has the same power to suggest "majesty" as a real lion on the savanna. One works through the sense of vision and the other through the imagination. But, yes, if the fictional beast is capably depicted, both contain the quality that makes the lion regal and stirs the heart.

Many of the animals in Harry Potter are Rowling's own inventions (although the Acromantula reminds Tolkien fans of the giant spider Shelob and of the den of spiders in The Hobbit). However, let's focus on traditional symbols from European literature because of the wealth of references that support the interpretation of their supernatural qualities. If there is a single giveaway of the Christian meaning in Harry Potter, it is in the uniform meaning of the symbols. The magical creatures and figures we will look at more closely are the griffin, the unicorn, the phoenix, the stag, the centaur, the hippogriff, and the red lion. Each is a traditional symbol of arts and letters used to point to the qualities and person of Christ.

The Griffin

I've found only one mention of a griffin per se in the Harry Potter books, and it is a detail mentioned in connection to Dumbledore's office. Professor McGonagall is bringing Harry there in Chamber of Secrets after he has been discovered next to the petrified forms of Justin Finch-Fletchley and Nearly Headless Nick: "Harry saw a gleaming oak door ahead, with a brass knocker in the shape of a griffin."

The griffin is described in Fantastic Beasts as having "the front legs and head of a giant eagle, but the body and hind legs of a lion."' It is an important symbol in the Potter series, though only mentioned once, because "Harry's House, Gryffindor, literally means 'golden griffin' in French (or is French for 'gold'). "So spell it Griffin d'or." As Harry is considered a "true Gryffindor" in Dumbledore's estimation, you can put a bet on there being great significance on the meaning of golden griffin for the identity of Harry Potter.

How does a beast that is half lion and half eagle symbolize Jesus Christ? Two ways. First, Christ is the God-man, so double-natured symbols are a natural match for him. More important, though, is that the two natures here are the lion and eagle. A beast that is half "king of the heavens" (eagle) and half "king of the earth" (lion) points to the God-man in his role as King of heaven and earth.

The Unicorn

Harry first meets a unicorn in the Forbidden Forest under the worst of conditions. The unicorn is dying or dead; Voldemort, as something like a snake, is drinking its blood, which "tonic" curses the drinker but keeps him alive. Unicorns pop up again in Ms. Grubberly Plank's and Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures Classes.

I remember as a young boy being taken to the Cloisters, a New York museum of medieval art in an authentic castle brought stone by stone from Europe. The highlight of the trip was the tapestries—specifically the unicorn tapestries. The guide told us that the unicorn was the symbol of Christ preferred by the weavers of these giant pieces. Though I was a child of no special faith (or sensitivity), I was moved by the images of the unicorn being chased, captured, and resting its head on a virgin's lap.

A check in Strong's Concordance to the Bible reveals mentions of unicorns in the Old Testament books of Deuteronomy, Numbers, Job, Psalms, and Isaiah. [Translations other than the King James use wild ox for the Hebrew word, reem.] One Harry Potter guidebook comments that "these references, to some scholars, indicate that the unicorn is actually a symbol of Christ." Scholars of symbolism as diverse as Carl Jung and Narnia expert Paul Ford confirm this interpretation of the pure white animal whose single horn symbolizes the "invincible strength of Christ."

In Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, the unicorn as a symbol of Christ is essential in understanding the meaning of the dramatic scene in the Forbidden Forest.
That the blood of the unicorn will curse those who drink it unworthily, and that it has life-giving power, echoes Paul's discourse on the unworthy reception of the Communion, which is the blood of Christ. When Firenze the centaur explains to Harry that anyone who selfishly drinks the life-saving blood of the unicorn is "cursed" from the moment the blood touches his lips, he does everything but treat 1 Corinthians 11:23-29 chapter and verse.

The Phoenix

My flat-out favorite beastie in Rowling's menagerie is Fawkes the phoenix, Dumbledore's pet. Harry meets him in Chamber of Secrets on a "dying day" when Fawkes bursts into flame and rises as a chick from his own ashes.

Given Fawkes's role in the defeat of the basilisk in Chamber of Secrets, Harry's draw with Voldemort in Goblet of Fire in the cage of phoenix song and light, and that Dumbledore's adult army in opposition to the Dark Lord is called the Order of the Phoenix, this symbol is central to any interpretation of the books or understanding of their power and popularity. How is the phoenix a symbol of Christ? In the Middle Ages the phoenix, because of its ability to "rise from death," was known as the "resurrection bird." Like the griffin, it was used in heraldic devices and shields to represent the bearer's hope of eternal life in Christ." A sure pointer to this symbolism comes in the climactic battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort in Order of the Phoenix. Voldemort has managed to get the drop on his headmaster nemesis and shoots out the death curse, Avadra Kedavra. Fawkes the phoenix dives between Dumbledore and certain death, swallows the death curse in his place, explodes into flames, and rises from the dead on the spot. The phoenix here, of course, portrays not only the resurrection of Christ but also his having intervened for us and taken the curse of death upon himself.

The Stag

Lupin and Black explain to Harry in the crucible of the Shrieking Shack that his father, James, was an animagus. Harry discovers later that night what form his father took: a majestic stag with a full rack of antlers. His nickname at school, Prongs, came from these antlers, which are the stag's weapon and defining characteristic. That Harry's Patronus likewise takes the shape of a stag gives this already powerful symbol even more importance.

Narnia fans recall that the Pevensie children in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe only return to Earth from their Narnia kingdom because they pursue the White Stag into a thick wood. Lewis points to their search for Christ as the cause of their return, because Christ is to our world what Aslan is to Narnia. Paul Ford, in his encyclopedic Companion to Narnia, described the stag as "a beast, the quest of great hunting parties, who was said to grant wishes to his captors. Lewis, as a student of the Middle Ages, would know of the symbolism of the stag for Christ" (emphasis added.) Maybe you don't see how a big deer can link our world and the Christian creative principle.

It's simple, really. The power of the symbolism comes from the antlers. Just as the phoenix is the "resurrection bird" because it can rise from its own funeral pyre, so the noble stag is a symbol of regeneration because of the renewal of its antlers.

As J. E. Cirlot writes in A Dictionary of Symbols, "It's symbolic meaning is linked with that of the tree of life … inexhaustible life, and is therefore equivalent to a symbol of immortality … because of the resemblance of its antlers to branches. … Like the eagle and the lion, it is the secular enemy of the serpent … [and acts] as [one of the] mediators of heaven and earth. … In the West, during the Middle Ages, the way of solitude and purity was often symbolized by the stag, which actually appears in some emblems with a crucifix between its horns."

Given this correspondence, it is no accident that when Harry first sees the stag Patronus who saves him from the dementor's kiss—the living, soulless death worse than death—he sees it "as a unicorn." The stag in Harry Potter, like the unicorn, is a symbol for Christ.

The Centaur

Fawkes is great, but my favorite character in literature may be a centaur out of Narnia because of his last words. In The Last Battle, the centaur Roonwit—literally "he who knows the ancient languages"—reveals to King Tirian the signs that calamity is about to strike Narnia. The king sends him on a dangerous mission, and Roonwit is shot by the archers of invading Calormenes he has been sent to spy on. But he sends this edifying, otherworldly message as he expires: "Remember that all worlds draw to an end and that noble death is a treasure which no one is too poor to buy."

C. S. Lewis, renowned classicist and medieval scholar of Oxford and Cambridge, was certainly familiar with the conventional interpretations and uses of the centaur as symbol. His centaurs in the Chronicles of Narnia are often of this reveling type, but in Roonwit's case the centaur is heroic and sacrificial in service to the King. In Harry Potter, similarly, we have passionate centaurs and one heroic example, Firenze, who saves Harry from Voldemort in Sorcerer's Stone.

The centaur is first and foremost a symbol of man. It has the head and chest of a man and the body of a horse. The head and chest of a man are man's will, thought, and spirit; the horsey bottom is his desires or passions. The centaur is a comic picture of a man's dual nature as angel and beast. When man is right-side-up, his angelic part tells the horse desires what to do, as a rider directs a horse; when the beast is in control, however, the belly of the horse drags the chest and head where it wants like a runaway pony.

(Lewis, by the way, didn't see the horse, the centaur's driving part, as a passionate creature, but as the desires [or belly], in alignment and in service to will and spirit [chest and head], especially when hoisting a human rider. "For Lewis, the Centaur represents the harmony of nature and spirit," Ford writes. It represents the reconciliation "of our spiritual and physical nature.")

The heroic centaurs Roonwit and Firenze are both symbols of Christ because, as caricatures of men, they are also imaginative "images of God." Through these characters, Lewis and Rowling refer to a tradition that links a man on a passionate beast with heroic, sacrificial, and saving actions: Christ riding into Jerusalem in triumph on a donkey.

The traditional Christian explanation of why Christ rides in triumph into Jerusalem on a donkey rather than a noble steed is that he wanted to show the hosanna-shouting assembly on the sides of the road a three-dimensional icon or symbol of the obedient man. Thus the donkey (certainly a picture of willful, stubborn desire) serves his master, Spirit and God incarnate in cheerful obedience. Roonwit and Firenze give us this scriptural image of the God-man and the rightly ordered soul — another symbol of Christ.

The Hippogriff

I confess to initially thinking that Buckbeak the hippogriff was another one of Rowling's mythological innovations—and a hoot. I had certainly never heard of one. Turns out, it is the creation of a sixteenth-century Italian court poet named Ludovico Ariosto in his Orlando Furioso. The original hippogriff, of whom Buckbeak must be a descendant, is a griffin/centaur cross.

"Like a griffin, Ariosto's hippogriff has an eagle's head and beak, a lion's front legs, with talons, and richly feathered wings, while the rest of its body is that of a horse," Allan and Elizabeth Kronzek's guide to the Potter books explains. "Originally tamed and trained by the magician Atalante, the hippogriff can fly higher and faster than any bird, hurtling back to earth when its rider is ready to land." Cirlot describes the hippogriff as "a kind of supercharged Pegasus, a blend of the favorable aspects of the griffin and the winged horse in its character as the 'spiritual mount.'"

Hippo is the Greek word for "horse" (a hippopotamus is a "river-horse"), and griff takes us back to the griffin. A hippogriff, then, is a combination horse/lion/eagle, or a centaur with a lion/eagle "top." We have already learned how the griffin in Gryffindor is a symbol of Christ as King of heaven and earth. As a griffin/centaur, the hippogriff, too, suggests Christ's divine conquest of the passions, as evidenced by his donkey ride into Jerusalem.

Hagrid describes hippogriffs to his students as "proud," but they are not proud in the sense of conceit or vanity. They are great-souled and aware of their virtue, which the ignoble misunderstand (Hagrid loves them dearly; he knows!). The noble—even supernatural—Buckbeak in Prisoner of Azkaban pecks the disrespectful and shameless Malfoy, is persecuted by the godless Ministry, and is almost executed by the Death Eater McNair. He escapes death at the hands of a world that cannot understand him (and that chooses to hate and fear him) to serve as Sirius's salvation. As with the griffin's and centaur's double-natured symbols, Rowling uses the hippogriff as a symbol of Christ, the God-man.

The Red Lion

Narnia fans have told me they do see Aslan, Lewis's Christ figure from the Chronicles of Narma, in the Gryffindor House lion symbol. I think that is a reasonable link, especially in light of the symbolic meaning of Gryffindor and its opposition to the Slytherin serpent. This idea, however, hasn't been "lifted" from Lewis—the lion, and specifically the red lion, has been a symbol of Christ from the first century.

Saint John the Evangelist had no need to explain this usage in the book of Revelation: "Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed" (Revelation 5:5, KJV). It is a theme of Christian literature and heraldic signs, consequently, throughout the Middle Ages. Lewis draws from this tradition both for Aslan (Persian for "lion") and Aslan's devotees in Narnia. Remember Peter's shield? "The shield was the color of silver and across it there romped a red lion, as bright as a ripe strawberry at the moment when you pick it."

The five Harry Potter books are full of alchemical imagery, and even if Lewis was unaware of it (the silver and red in Peter's shield makes me doubt his ignorance), we can assume Rowling knows what the "red lion" means to an alchemist. The "red lion" is the Elixir of Life coming from the philosopher's stone, the end result of the alchemical Great Work was a stone that produced the Elixir of Life (often called the red lion). This magical object, known as the philosopher's stone, gave its owner immortality (as long as the owner drank the elixir) and infinite wealth. Touching any leaden or base metal object to the Stone would make it turn to gold.

Historians of science, religion, and literature agree on very little, in my experience. However, they do agree that the philosopher's stone is a symbol of Christ. There isn't anything else in the world that promises eternal life and golden (that is, incorruptible or spiritual) riches except Christ, so the connection is transparent. The end product or aim of alchemy is life in Christ; English authors and poets of many centuries have used this symbol of Christ, consequently, to dramatize the search for an answer to death and human poverty of spirit. Harry Potter is no exception.

The Stone in the first Harry Potter book, in case we missed this point, is described as "blood red," a symbol of the blood of Christ received in Communion. The red lion, then, is still another symbolic point of correspondence between Christ and the world of Harry Potter.

Stacking symbols

Does it seem odd that there are so many symbols of Christ? There is a big difference between symbols and allegorical figures. Allegories are stand-ins or story translations of a worldly character, quality, or event into an imaginative figure or story. There can be only one figure representing the other, consequently, or it's difficult to translate; I cannot have two Hitler figures if I'm writing an allegory of the Second World War, or the allegory fails.

Symbols, in contrast, can be stacked up. If I am telling a fantasy story with a Christian message, I can include characters and beasties and events that all point to the various qualities, actions, and promises of Christ. If the symbols correspond with these qualities, even if they are not consciously understood as Christ symbols, they open us up to an imaginative experience of those supernatural qualities. A variety of these symbols woven into a story that itself echoes the Great Story will powerfully stir the soul because the heart is made by God to be receptive to this message. Our soul radios are always tuned to the frequency of the message.

The Harry Potter stories, in their formulaic journeys that end every year with love's triumph over death in the presence of a Christ symbol, find their power and popularity in the resonance they create in our hearts. We connect with them because they point toward the Truth Myth that saves us. The gospel has rarely, if ever, been smuggled into the hearts and minds of readers so successfully and profoundly.

Saying Goodbye

Here's another devotional entry from the JesusFreakHideout site, by J. M. Farro :) It's really nice and I wanted to share it to all of you :) Hope you get struck as I did :)

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"Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be My disciple." Luke 14:33 MSG

This past summer, my husband, Joe, and I decided that we should let our ducks, Lily and Larry, have babies. We hoped that allowing Lily to have a family might spare her from the laying problems that our previous female ducks had suffered. Things didn't go quite as well as we had expected. When the ducklings arrived, Lily was hostile toward them, and we ended up having to keep them in our house. For two weeks, we devoted countless hours to their care. And we began to form a bond with them, and they with us. Joe and I both agreed that it was time to take them to a nearby farm that was happy to care for them. As much as it hurt us to part with "our babies," we knew it was the right thing to do, and we had a deep-down peace about it.

Jesus said, "If you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be My disciple." (Luke 14:33 MSG) I've learned that there are times when the Lord asks us to choose between Him, and people and things we love. In this case, He was asking me to give up my ducklings. When He first started dealing with me about it, I began trying to justify my keeping them by telling myself that they wouldn't be so time-consuming as they got older. Then I'd come to my senses and admit to myself that they had to go. At one point, I came up with a plan to give all the ducklings away, except one. I discovered that the smallest one belonged to a rare breed, and I began to rationalize my keeping him alone. But after seeking the Lord about it, He made me realize that partial obedience is actually disobedience, and I made up my mind once and for all that I was going to obey God.

As believers in Christ, we are anointed by the Holy Spirit to do difficult things with an inner peace and joy. Well-meaning people may say, "How can you do that? It's going to be so hard for you!" When I'm faced with these situations, one of the first things I do is to claim God's promise in Philippians 4:13 (TLB), which says, "I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power." God is not going to call us to give up something we care about and then say, "Good luck--you're on your own! Just do the best you can!" He and His divine enablement are going to be with us every step of the way. Scripture says: "Be strong in the Lord [be empowered through your union with Him]; draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides]." (Ephesians 6:10 AMP) Those of us who walk in close fellowship with the Lord will have continual access to the supernatural strength and power that our union with Him provides. Not only that, but we will have His supernatural comfort, too. Jesus said, "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you." (John 14:18 KJV) God's presence in our lives gives us comfort, especially when we ask for it. When I'm feeling the pain of loss or disappointment, I don't hesitate to say, "Lord, I'm hurting now, and I really need You to comfort me in a big way." God is not going to hesitate to comfort us when we are suffering as a result of trying to please Him.

Once we say goodbye to the things that the Lord asks us to leave behind, it's important that we don't look back or dwell on what we've lost. Jesus said, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back [to the things behind] is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62 AMP) Looking back will hinder our moving forward. The Lord always has better things waiting for us up ahead, and that's what we must focus on. In situations like these, I like to recall the wise words I once heard a godly man say: "Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost." This enables us to have an "attitude of gratitude," which Scripture says is our responsibility as believers. "Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be; be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18 AMP) If we are honest, we'll admit that we can always find something to be grateful for in every situation. What is the Lord asking you to say goodbye to today? Whatever it is, rest assured that once you leave it behind, you will be richly rewarded by a loving and grateful God!

Lord, show me if there are any things in my life that You want me to let go of at this time. Give me a keen awareness of how You've equipped me to separate myself from things and people that are hindering my walk with You. Thank You that as I press on to do Your will, You will lead me into the awesome plans and purposes You have in store for me!

Learning from Eustace

It has been a moment of conversions for me the past few weeks. First I was turned from a pop-loving and r&b-grinding gal to a, well not really hardcore, rocker, to the delight of Lani and Zyza who, underneath their bubbly and lost facades, are ultimate rockers. I have also been turned into a Chronicles of Narnia fan, having borrowed the set from Lani. It is a loveable book, a children's book that captures the hearts of the young and young at heart.

After reading The Magician's Nephew, I was planning to do reflective entries about each book, what struck me and what I learned about it. But it was really hard for me to concentrate on one particular lesson. They were all good reminders, but nothing really struck struck me as much as th eone I will write about today.

It took me to the fifth book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, to finally get that striking that I was looking for. And it was really a striking part, both the imagery and the implication. No, it wasn't really an implication as much as a sharing of Lewis' own experience.

(For those who haven't read the book, I apologize for the spoilers that will appear on this entry. It is worth the read though, so I encourage you to read the books)

It was this part of the voyage when King Caspian, Lucy, Edmund, their cousin Eustace and the whole crew docked into a deserted island in hopes of shelter and replenishing their provisions, as well as repairing the ship. Since Eustace was being a big pain in the rear, he went away from the rest to rest and avoid the work. When he woke up he saw himself in an unknown valley, where there is a dying dragon. Upon the dragon's death Eustace sought refuge in the dragon's empty cave, only to find that it wasn't as empty as he thought. There was the dragons treasure: jewels, precious gems, gold coins. Greed overcame him and he planned of taking some of the treasure for himself, even wearing one of the bracelets he found. He fell asleep, only to wake to a new him: he was transformed to a dragon. As a dragon, Eustace realized that it was best to help his friends with whatever he can in his present form, eventually earning the friendship of the crew.

One night Edmund woke up to see a shadow approaching their ship. He eventually discovered it was his cousin Eustace, transformed back to his human form, although he seems more than just a boy. Then Eustace told him how he was changed back.

(This is the part that gave me goosebumps)

While he was sleeping and crying in the woods a great big Lion approached him and asked him what's wrong. Then he recounted his story and asked if there's any way he can be transformed back to being a boy. The Lion, Aslan, the creator of Narnia himself, told him to "undress" himself and dip in the pool of water nearby. Thinking that dragons might be related to other reptiles that shed skin, he sratched himself until all his scales were removed, then he took a dip in the pool. But when he got out he saw himself full of sclaes again. He tried to do the same thing twice more, until Aslan told Eustace to let Him do the undressing. And Aslan peeled away all the dragon hide of eustace, a painful but also pleasurable feeling, until he was just a tender lump of flesh, as delicate as a newborn child. Then the soft paws of Aslan carefully put Eusatce in the water and he was transformed back to his human form. Then Aslan gave Eustace new clothes. Eustace was a boy again, but not quite.

How many times have we stumbled and fallen down, and vowed that we will never commit the same mistakes again? And how many times did we still go back doing those very mistakes, despite all our resolutions and promises? It is hard to change ourselves through our own efforts. To do such a change needs a monumental power that can penetrate the layers of impurity and sin in our lives. Being human beings, we are limited. Our powers are limited. And because of our nature, it is impeccable that we turn back to our old ways that easily. It's like sailing on a nice sunny day then a storm comes that rattles our boat and no matter how hard we row so that the waves won't take us away, we still get taken away coz we don't have a strong anchor to hold us to the ground.

How can we have change in ourselves and be assured that this time we won't be going back to the same wayward ways we used to live? How can we shed our skins, hides even, and be clothed in new clothes that really show our true nature: that which is in likeness of God?

Simple. Let God do it for us. In a way, like a kid dependent on his yaya to clean and dress him up for school, so should we be dependent on God to cleanse us and give us new clothing. That's what He wants from us anyway, to be dependent on Him for all our needs, to surrender our everything to Him, and have faith and trust in Him when he leads us to where He wants us to be or what He wants us to do. When we have done that, only then can He come in the picture, remove our hides of sin and dress us in robes of His glory.

Easier said than done, you say. It takes a lot of faith and trust. You can't always have certainty in every action you take. Here is where the leap of faith enters. St. Paul said that "the fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see." (Hebrews 11: 1-3, The Message) If we can't trust God with something called our lives, what's the purpose of our existence here? He's the one who made us, why can't we trust the Maker of knowing his creation well?

I pray that you take time to sit down and think about it. Don't worry, you are not alone. There is always someone whom you can ask about the faith and of Christ, if you have questions. God's love for us is too big a thing to be kept to ourselves. Hey, "ask and you shall receive," Jesus said. He'll give you the answers you're looking for, He's the only answer :)

The Color Quiz

Took this quiz from Color Quiz. It's pretty amusing :)

Your Existing Situation
Sensitive; needs esthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm intimacy.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics
An unadmitted lack of confidence makes her careful to avoid open conflict and she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective
Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

Your Actual Problem
Feels insufficiently valued in her existing situation, and is seeking different conditions in which she will have greater opportunity of demonstrating her worth.

SONG POST: You Said

You Said
Words & Music by Reuben Morgan

VERSE 1:
You said, "Ask and you will receive whatever you need."
You said, "Pray and I'll hear from heaven,
And I'll heal your land."

VERSE 2:
You said Your glory will fill the earth
Like water the sea.
You said, "Lift up your eyes;
The harvest is here, the kingdom is near.

CHORUS:
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you."
O Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light as it rises on us.

TAG:
O Lord, I ask for the nations.
(repeat as desired)

ENDING:
O Lord, I ask for the nations.

Copyright 1998, Reuben MorganCCLI# 785252

Seeking Counsel

Last night during teaching, Bro. Willy mentioned something about "seeking counsel" before planning or doing anything.

Ouch!

Why?

Coz I'm the kind of person who'd rather do things on my own rather than asking people first. Whenever I make plans for whatever, I conjure the thoughts first inside my head ans one by one try to execute them. If I make a mistake, I learn from it and do it again. If I am successful, that's when I tell the whole world about it.

My philosophy about this is that it's better to fail on your own than to be embarrassed to a multitude. If I can spare the whole world from a whole lot of worry and trouble, then well and good. That's why I operate alone most of the time. I don't report regularly. I plan what to do when I get there. I always feel that the saying "cross the bridge when you get there" is so apt for me (but of course I keep it to myself).

I've had a lot of bad experiences wherein I tell poeple my plans and these plans get thwarted. I tell people that things are going so well in a project, and the next day something really bad will happen. Call me superstitious, but the moment I noticed that pattern that's when I started operating solo. Ayaw kong mapangunahan ang mga bagay-bagay.

Another reason why I don't tell people my plans are the varying opinions that come my way, the solicited and unsolicited pieces of advice that clash, contrast and cancel each other out leaving me only with a vaguer and blurrier idea. It just makes me dizzy trying to process all those information, plus the pressure (or notion of) of trying to please everyone with my decision.

Right now I have two major decisions I have to make. Used to be three, but I already did that and that decision affects the two remaining ones big time. That decision was joining a KG and officially joining community. The two others were investing in this business and applying for law school.

If before I do things without counsel at all, this time I did ask Somebody's Word before jumping into the river, so to speak. And I was brought to Psalm 27. When we were discerning about the KG thing we were given similar verses. But this time it's my own decision, own situation. I am really worried about these endeavors. I have been hearing horror stories from people who are either in a similar business, or in law school. Most of the people I've talked to have discouraged me from delving into such activities. But the Lord has been encouraging. He reminded me to just trust in Him, and He will take care of the rest.

Not bad for a counsellor, eh?

Well, we also know that God has appointed people in our lives to be give us guidance and counselling. These are our parents, teachers, reliable aunts and uncles, grandparents, bosses, priests, spiritual directors, trusted Christian adults. In my case, my facilitator also. That's what I need to learn to do, by God's grace.

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I now ask for your prayers for these two endeavors I'm gonna go into. I will need a lot of prayers and support to make all these work out. In Jesus' name.

Our True Standard

I got this entry from the weekly e-mail devotionals by J.M. Farro from JesusFreakHideout.Com, where I susbscribed :) Wanna know more about the site? Go to Jesus Freak Hideout :)

This week's devotional is about setting our standards against Christ's, not of this world's. It is very convicting and liberating to know, but most of all, it is truly humbling. I pray that you will be touched by this message as much as I were. God bless!

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"For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." Romans 8:29 NIV

The other day, I heard from a young man who writes me occasionally for prayer and encouragement. He was going through some severe trials, and as he began to express his growing discouragement and frustration, he said things like--"I'm a good person. I'm better than most people. I don't do half the things that other people do." When I told him that his focus was wrong, and that instead of comparing himself to others, he should compare himself to Christ, he was stunned. Suddenly, his subtle "God owes me" attitude evaporated, and his sense of pride gave way to humility.

The Bible makes it clear that the Christian's standard should be Christ Himself, and that God's priority is for His children to be conformed to the image of His Son. Romans 8:29 (NIV) says, "For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." Scripture also tells us that believers "are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV) Our degree of cooperation with the Holy Spirit will help determine the speed and extent of this transformation. The more sensitive and obedient we are to the Spirit's leading on a day-to-day basis, the more spiritual progress we will make, and the more we will accomplish for the kingdom of God. We will never attain perfection in this life, but perfection should be our goal. The apostle Paul wrote, "Aim for perfection." (2 Corinthians 13:11 NIV) Although a spiritual giant, Paul freely admitted that he had a long way to go to become like Christ, but that didn't stop him from pressing on. In Philippians 3:12 (MSG) he says: "I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be." While God does not expect us to model perfection, He does expect us to model growth.

In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul condemns those who were setting their own standards of measurement, instead of using God's. He says: "Not that we [have the audacity to] venture to class or [even to] compare ourselves with some who exalt and furnish testimonials for themselves! However, when they measure themselves with themselves and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding and behave unwisely." (2 Corinthians 10:12 AMP) When we measure ourselves against ourselves, or against others, we may become puffed up with pride because we think we're superior somehow. But measuring ourselves by God's standards can be wonderfully pride-deflating, which can lead to our treating people better, and our having a teachable spirit before the Lord. Paul goes on to say: "For [it is] not [the man] who praises and commends himself who is approved and accepted, but [it is the person] whom the Lord accredits and commends." (2 Corinthians 10:18 AMP) We should always be focused on seeking God's approval, rather than the approval of others, or even ourselves. This will protect us from becoming self-satisfied and self-righteous, as well as from becoming people-pleasers.

Some statements that we should watch out for in our speech are: "I'm not as bad as..." or "I'm better than..." or "At least I don't... or "I would never..." Statements like these could indicate that we're measuring ourselves against others, instead of Christ. We would be wise to monitor our thoughts in this area, too. Do we ever think to ourselves--"I'm a better parent, grandparent, son, daughter, sister, brother, worker, employee, manager, boss, neighbor, Christian, minister, preacher, writer, musician, artist..."? These are thoughts saturated with pride, and they are offensive to God. Do you want to fulfill your God-given purpose and potential in this life? Then you must make it your goal to "become more and more like [Christ]" all the time. (2 Corinthians 3:18 NLT) Make Jesus your standard, and lay hold of the life of victory, abundance, and purpose that He has in store for you!

Lord, please forgive me for the times I elevated myself at the expense of others in thought, word, or deed. When I'm tempted to be arrogant or self-righteous, remind me that Christ is to be my true standard, and that next to Him, I have no basis for pride. Thank You that as I set my sights on becoming more like Jesus, I will reap the heavenly and earthly rewards of a Christ-centered life!

SONG POST: In Me

I'm not really good at poetry (OK, I suck at it!), so I resort to intellectual borrowing. Their works speak to me anyways, so I guess whatever the author wanted to get out of writing it, it must be working.

This one's from the raddest Christian rock group ever *Yeah baby!*, Kutless (link can be found under the LINKS column). Yes, I am a rocker chick now... what can I do, I like their sound. And I'm glad the Soul Sisters love them also. Rock on!

In Me
Kutless

Where were you last night when the party was on
Where were you when we all went down to the bar
It seems you have changed from us all
It seems you have changed

You want to know,
The differences beteween us
You want to know,
Why these things have changed
You've got to know the
One who lives in me
He lives in me, in me

Only seven days ago
I let go of my life
Yes I gave it all
I let go of all I used to do
And gave it all away

You want to know,
The differences between us
You want to know,
Why these things have changed
You've got to know the
One who lives in me
He lives in me, in me He lives in me, in me
He lives.....

You want to know,
The differences beteween us
You want to know,
Why these things have changed
You've got to know the
One who lives in me
He lives in me, in me in me, in me

SONG POST: Invade

INVADE
Music by Jason and Janelle Reinhart
Lyrics by Janelle Reinhart

Sitting on the curb, just-a reading the Word
Waiting for the bus to pick me up
Filling my mind with the words of life
Learning to be a witness of Your love
So I can give a reason for the hope I’ve got
My life will be a living diary
Of the love you’ve written on the pages of my life
That now make lovely poetry that surely testifies
Of Your ever-loving goodness and Your mercy
Cuz I want more of you and less of me

Invade my thoughts
Dive into my soul
Permeate my heart
Lord take control
Invade my thoughts
Consume all of me
Rain down your love
And set me free

Oh Lord help me walk the talk
Teach me to obey and learn to walk away
From the evil thoughts
That invade my heart
Help me to grow in holiness
So I can live in love and righteousness
That I may be a living tapestry
Of all the goodness you’ve weaved in my life
That now make pretty colored patterns that testify
of your ever-loving goodness and your mercy
Cuz I want more of you and less of me

In You I live, in You I move
In You I have my being

My Old Banduria

Saturday night our HR director texted to tell us that we will be having a mini-program during the anniversary luncheon today. And part of the tradition are special numbers from the newbies in the office. My first thought was "WTF?! This is so grade school!"

But of course that's me: complain first then eventually obey. I was thinking hard of what I can contribute to the program, one which is least damaging to my dignity, when my feet brought me to the cabinet atop my wardrobe. It is kinda high for me so I used it to stash stuff that I know will occupy it for a looong time. And in there gathering dust is my old banduria.

I played played banduria when I was a freshman in high school. I joined the Rondalla because I don't want to take up PE. Funnee I didn't play any instrument before this (I took up piano lessons before but I was so tamad to continue it so i stopped, which I regret up to this day; anyway, piano doesn't count). Luckily I was able to tag my friends my join also. I did this for four years. We played in every program and event imaginable that was held in the University. We were even asked to play outside the campus: once in Expo Filipino, when the King and Queen of Spain arrived in 1998, then in the small airport in Plaridel, Bulacan for some event. It was the centenary of Philippine independence so to be Filipiniana is so in.

Seeing my banduria brought back so many memories in high school. The joy, the tears, the fun times, the scary ones, the embarrasing and the kilig moments. One particular memory tugged my heart though. And this memory is very special and valuable to me. It was when I first met my Lord and Savior.

When I was in grade school I studied in a Catholic school. For seven years I grew up with nuns and in a very Catholic environment. But during those seven years I was nowhere near being a little good Catholic girl. All imaginable offenses I did back then. I swear, I brought so much tears to my parents' eyes 'coz I am such a suwail and pasaway kid.

So high school, one can say that I am dry, spiritually dry. There is something that is lacking in me, I can feel it but I didn't know what. Then God gave me a barkada-one thing that I've been wanting in grade school. What's unexpected was that our group was so diverse in a lot of aspects, but most especially in religions. We're all Christians but from different denominations: one is a born-again Christian, one is Methodist, the rest are Catholics.

It was here in high school that I attended a real Bible study. It was headed by my Filipino teacher who was part of Jesus Is Lord church. We have it after classes. I remember during the fair week that she had us watch films about the rapture, made in the sixties or seventies i think. I had the scare of my life coz of the graphic nature of the film. Anyway, I'm digressing again.

In summer of 2000 my uncle's family joined CCF. That summer there will be a high school camp, and it'll be the first time that my two cousins SR and Philip, the ones who followed after me, will attend. They invited me to the camp so my two cousins will have company at the same time that I may have a different summer. I was turning 16 then. And it was during that camp that I received our Lord Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

A year after, summer of 2001, Edlyn, my Protestant barkada asked me if I could teach summer Bible school to the children in their area. Since I wasn't doing anything then I agreed and had a blast! I continued teaching for two more years. Only stopped when I had summer school for Math 12 and my practicum.

The same year, another friend invited me to join YFC-Ateneo. I had camp with them, and re-accepted Christ as my Savior. I was pretty active in YFC then and I continued to grow in the faith.

2002 was a memorable year for Ateneans for that was when the Blue Eagles won the championship after so long. It was also memorable for me coz it was when Kimmy invited me to attend bible study that CCF held in school. It was pretty special coz Paul Tanchi was then the teacher. After the championship we attended again, and the following sem Lani and I became regulars. It was during that semester that we were assigned to a discipler. Bobbi was one of the best things that God brought into my life. It was with her that I learned true discipleship, and she really helped me with my spiritual growth. The difference in religion didnn't hinder us from talking about God and growing together.

The following year I was introduced to GenRev thru the media. First sem of SY 2003-2004, the Campus Catalysts program was launched and Ateneo was one of the first schools, since there're a number of GenRev-ers in Ateneo. I was active there, at the same time continued discipleship with Bobbi. The following sem Bobbi graduated and so Lani and I transferred to the discipleship group of her bestfriend Atid, who handles Kimmy and Zyza (see my entry "The Core").

Then 2004 the bible studies in school got a little gulo for many reasons, and it was good timing that GenRev Ateneo also started during that time. At this point Lani, Zy and I have grown to become Soul Sisters, bonded by our love for and love of Christ. We continued attending GenRev Ateneo, then GenRev Night every month, which eventually led to Team Revival gatherings. Two weeks ago we made a big step when we applied for a Koinonia group. Three days after that Zy and I already have a KG; Lani's still in the discernment process as I write.

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This is the latest chapter of my life. The next chapters are yet to be determined; only God knows what will happen.

I remember one saying that we are like a string instrument, and God is the player. We cannot make beautiful music unless we allow Him to pluck our strings. The same way that I pluck each string of my banduria in order to produce music, it is only with Him that we can really bring out our best, and only He can bring out the best in us. The banduria can't play itself. We are nothing without Him.

In his mind a man plans his course, but the LORD directs his steps. - Proverbs 16:9
Yet, O LORD, you are our father; we are the clay and you the potter: we are all the work of your hands. - Isaiah 64:7

In Good Times

It has been really busy for me the past few weeks. It started when the primer of A&F went to the gruelling process of drafting, correction, implementing corrections, layout changes, and other prodcution stuff. Even though I had a pretty thorough exposure to magazine production back in my practicum in Gadgets, the system in SPEED is very different (they have a system. period.)
And since I am NOT in SPEED, but in a new magazine whose first issue would be the make-or-break point of its continuation, the pressure was there to make the primer and the maiden issue really "scream" (using our CEO's terminology).

The primer is out now, together with the August issue of SPEED (in case you want a copy :p), and now we're nearly finished with the layout of the first mag. The maiden ish is more challenging 'coz it has more pages, for starters. 104 pages is a big jump from the 24-pager primer. and to think there's only my editor and I who is working fulltime on it (my boss is out of the office pa most of the time so I'm left to handle the magazine).

I'm so happy when I hear good feedback about A&F. I've been with the company for only 3 months, and when I started I know nothing of the magazine I'm going to work in, except that it's a sporty lifestyle mag. In those 3 months I've seen the mag evolve into what it is now. Now I consider this "my baby". It is really hard to separate the professional from the personal in the workplace, but when you've poured out your all and given your best to something, it tends to become a part of you. You make it personal.

I've been so into my work the past weeks that I've been staying longer hours in the office than usual (read: no social life). The three-day weekend, therefore, was such a blessing to me. I spent the whole day, Friday, with Chad Michael Murray and James Laffery (I had a One Tree Hill Season 1 marathon... heehee. Can anyone say HOTTIES GALORE?) An absolute brainless activity: no thinking, no effort, just me on my bed and my roomie's laptop.

Saturday was a fun time also. Lani, Zy and I met up in Gateway coz we're gonna atten the Elim Singles Table Talk later that evening in Burgoo in Gateway. After two weeks the three of us got to get together again, exchange stories and laugh at the most mundane stuff, usually involving snails and hamsters. The whole night we introduced some of the Elim Singles to the very profound and mind-boggling "Doughnut Talks." :p

After the fun weekend I was back to work. When in my earlier entries I was kinda sorta complaining that I don't have anything to do in the office, now I do a lot of stuff! In all of these, inactivity or business, it's God's grace that saw me through it. Before I couldn't imagine myself doing so much work that is intended for two or more people-but I do.

It's been a really nice experience this is, my work. I love what I do, I'm enjoying myself even though the demand and stress are high. I was blessed to have really nice colleagues, a kind, forgiving and patient editor, and Godly bosses. The compensation may mot be much, but I was blessed naman with thriftiness. It may seem that I spend a big chunk of my time in my work, but in reality I have spare time in my hands. If I was in an ad agency, I won't have weekends to spend with my family and friends. I may not be able to have Saturday mass and dinner with my family or Elim Singles events. I may not have my Sunday CSI marathons. And for all of these I am really thankful :)

For every man, moreover, to eat and drink and enjoy the fruit of all his labor is a gift of God - Ecclesiastes 3:13

Respect the work of others

Photo credit: Kai Huang http://www.hungryalien.com

Poison Letters

I am listening to the new album of Hillsong United as I type this entry. It is a nice album. At this point I am listening at the fifth track. So far I like two songs, "Salvation Is Here" and "Tell The World". By the time I finish this entry I would've finished this album.

No, this won't be an album review for "Look To You", although that ain't a bad idea. I just felt like mentioning it here because listening to a new album is a new experience for me. And new experiences are worth writing about.

Speaking of experiences, lately I have been talking about my college life, experiences and friends. I think it's about time I write something about my high school, the most memorable phase in any one's life (like ever).

I have a "rollercoaster" educational experience. My parents wanted me to have a good start, so they enrolled me in a Catholic school, Holy Spirit Academy of Malolos. It was a nice school, and I admit that I learned things there that helped me in high school, although my experience there was something that I allowed selective amnesia to devour. I can only remember a handful of memories from the seven years that I studied there.

The grade school there was co-ed, meaning we have guys with us. The high school back then was still exclusive. I didn't want to study in that environment, all girls, no boys. I didn't want that. So I asked my parents to transfer me to another school. And the best secondary school that I could go to there is Bulacan State University.

From private to public, Catholic to secular. Did I have a hard time adjusting to the new environment? Not really. I enjoyed the new place, the new uniform, the new people. Well, it helped that a good number of us from HSAM transferred to BSU, so at least I know a few people already there.

But there were people whom I don't know yet. And I got to know them the hard way.
My mom used to teach in the high school but was promoted to teach in the college department way before I enter high school. The people there know that she is the wife of a trial court judge. And I so HATE it when people automatically assume that because both my parents are professionals that we are a rich family. The moment I stepped in there, I had classmates who were surprised that I commuted to school! News flash - I am no princess!

But I've got to understand them. Compared to most of my classmates, we would really look like were part of the alta sociedad. Although I wasn't really ostracized because of my status, I still felt that there was still this gap between us. That gap remained even after graduation day.
That degree of separation I have was not limited only to my batch mates, but to the upper classmen as well.

I had an aunt who was a member of this private organization who conducts 'exchange student' programs of sort among its members, and their relatives. Since I was the eldest grandchild and pamangkin I was the first one to avail of such privelege (I went to Malaysia). And even though we've been trying to hide my trip from the people, it still leaked out, and the whole school knew where I was. When I came back, I was welcomed with glares and whispers. They though that the school has sent me to Malaysia. They didn't know that the only thing the school did was allow me to go. The fourth year students were silently protesting that the top student in their bact should've been the one sent on that trip, that I was such a spoiled brat, that for a freshie I was so presko. It was really tough.

Have you ever experienced receiving unsigned letters from someone and telling derogatory things about you? I did. The messenger, Earl, is one batch higher than me. And I really have this sneaking suspiscion that their whole batch knows who was behind those letters. What was inside? One heavily-stapled letter said something like Ang kapal ng mukha mong sumali ng choir boses palaka ka naman! (How dare you join the choir, you sound like a frog). Another one said Ang bantot na nga ng boses mo, pati ba naman kilikili mo? (Your voice already stinks, so does your armpits).

I am a sensitive person. Even though I put up the facade that I wans't affected by all that, in reality I was. I was crying day ang night to my mom, asking why they are so mean to me, when I wasn't doing anything (deliberate or not) to hurt them in any way. In fact I was trying to be friends with them. My mom told me that they may just be envious of me, and I was internally rolling my eyes everytime I see them, thinking "Was it my fault that I was born into the family I was in now?" and "You don't know me that well to judge me."

I am not perfect person, I have a lot of flaws. But I am not deliberately placing myself on the dark side. A friend of mine, BJ, told us in one of his bible study teachings that the Chritian life is not difficult, it is impossible. Back in those days I haven't known and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was bitter, I held grudges.

My initial reaction was to leave the place and run away from everything. My transfer from HSAM to BSU was partly that. Run away and hide. But my parents know better. I thank God for them. They told me that if I run away from every bad thing that comes my way, I will never know how to deal with them.

Same with Christian life. If we just run away from the world, how owuld we know how to deal with it? I really didn't like The Purpose Driven Life much, but I do remember one principle that has struck me: the principle of insulation, not isolation. No man is an island, they say. It is possible for Christians to be in the world, live in it, but not to be consumed by it.
I remember Christ said "Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile." (Mark 7:14-15) One may read the Word of God everyday, but if what comes out of his mouth does not glorify Him, it as good as not reading the Word at all.

Quoting the song "What The World Can Never Take," I've got a Saviour and He's living in me... and the world will never take you away. Jesus lives in me, and He'll stay there. Nothing will separate me from my King.

Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 38-39)

The Core

Lani and I met up in Malcolm Hall in UP last Saturday coz I needed to inquire about law school. Afterwards we had lunch in Taco Bell, then strolled a bit after around Gateway, since we'll meet up with the xblock at 3 PM pa in Greenbelt 3. After that we went back to Gateway and had dinner in Burgoo. It was just sad that Zy wasn't able to join us, again, this time because of family matters (the first time was because of work).

But I am happy that my sisters and I are having weekly lunches every Saturday. Well, we try to make it a point to meet up every Saturday. We get to talk about what happened to each other's week and get updated with each other's lives, since we rarely see each other during the week (except for Lani and Zy, who get to attend GenRev Ateneo every Wednesdays, 430-6 PM, SOM 210-- shameless plugging, spread the word). I am looking forward to each Saturday for I know that I would spend another fantastic time with my sisters.

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It all started in 2002. Ateneo had just won the UAAP championship. Kimmy, another one of our sisters, invited us to attend a bible study in school the week after the championship game. It was conducted by students who go to Christ's Commission Fellowship (CCF). During that time it was Paul Tanchi (yes, you've read it right) who was leading the study. And from there we started to attend BS (that's bible study folks) regularly in school.

After every teaching, the group divides itself into "breakout groups". Our group was led by Atid and Bobbi. Eventually they wanted to follow up on us and so divided our breakout group into cell groups: Kimmy and Zy went to Atid, Lani and I to Bobbi.

Before I continue, I would like to say that that year was a pivotal year for Lani and me. It was during those times that we consider our 'worst'. No, we don't have vices, but we're not exactly angels either. That invitation of Kimmy was what we needed at the time (remember my earlier entry, about my rollercoaster spiritual life? This was one of the lows).

And so every week Bobbi, Lani and I meet every Thursday lunch time in the 2nd floor of Gonzaga, in front of the pub room. There we will eat lunch together and share what happened to our week. It was also there where we were introduced to the concept of "accountability". It took us a while before we get to trust Bobbi with our most personal details. Lani was not used to divulging personal stuff to other people, and I am not really comfortable sharing either (despite being exposed to such). But after weeks and months of fellowship and spiritual growth, we've gone to trust Bobbi, gradually, with our personal details: our crushes' identities first, then our kilig moments, to our frustrations in school and orgs, our frustrations with other people, even our family problems. Bobbi also came to trust us with her personal stuff, and our friendship grew deeper. We believed that what we three have talked about will remain among the three of us. We even felt that we could trust Bobbi with our lives.

When Bobbi graduated already, Lani and I were transferred to Atid's group, together with Zy and Kimmy. It was another round of trust-building, but it did helped that sometimes our groups would meet over lunch and just bond. Plus the fact that Atid is Bobbi's best friend. I must admit, it really felt nice to be sincerely welcomed into such a friendship. From two, it grew to six. We could text each other asking for prayer intentions without hesitating, knowing that the other would indeed pray for us. And so our cell group leader was Atid now. During that time the park between Dela Costa and Social Science buildings are finished, and so we would talk in the benches there, have our weekly bonding sessions. Then after some time, our cell group developed to a discipleship group. It means that we are being trained to be cell group leaders, just like Bobbi and Atid were to us in the beginning. In CCF they call it D-12 (it's "Discipleship 12" from Jesus' 12 disciples, not Eminem’s band oki?). The friendship grew deeper, the trust grew stronger, our bond more, well, bonded.

Then Atid graduated. They assigned us to a new cell group leader, but it was just not the same. We aren't as comfortable sharing with her as with Atid and Bobbi. She is a really nice girl, and we like her, but it's just not the same. It was also during these times that we weren't able to go to BS regularly, mainly due to thesis work and other academic requirements. And then GenRev Ateneo came. Then Elim Singles (in a span of a few months we were promoted from youth to singles...hehehe I think we’re one of the youngest singles there now). After a few months still, we are attending Team Revival (for me, again).

-*-*-*-*-*-

Now how were we introduced to GenRev and Elim? It started one quiet Black Saturday 2 years ago. I was channel surfing when I came upon this show in channel 7. It was the GenRev TV Special. It got my attention and so I watched. Unfortunately I caught the final part of the show, and there they promoted the GenRev website. So I went there and registered and joined the message boards. I didn't know anyone there, but there was someone who seems familiar to me. After having a confirmation that it was Roni, a batch mate and another DS student, I was thrilled. She introduced me to the people in the boards. When July came that's when the Campus Catalysts project started in Ateneo. I wanted to join, so I messaged them. We met up for our first meeting in Gesù, then I went to GenRev Night, and then Revival Night (I forgot then that GenRev was the band that performed in the mini-concert that happened early 2003, sponsored by VCF, another Christian church). I was always inviting Lani to go with me to GenRev Night but she wasn't allowed yet at that time. After the first sem I kinda laid low with Elim activities, until more than a year later.

We had a project for Theo131 that required us to talk to a Catholic couple who are involved in ministry, and so we interviewed Tita Edna Garcia. That was Lani's first intro to Elim. We were supposed to go to a Revival Night, but we had transpo problems. For our thesis I suggested that we use the GenRev band as our study, since our topic is about Christian rock music. So we interviewed Kiddo, and Kuya Moses, the GenRev coach. Second sem, GenRev came to Ateneo, in December. Friday of the same week was GenRev Night, and surprisingly, Lani was allowed to go and sleep over Elay's pad.

Zy, meantime, was introduced earlier than Lani. Roni have been inviting her to attend GenRev Night, and one Friday we both went there. Then when GenRev Night returned to home base (coz it was transferred to the province of Alabang for a time, for the south people), we got to attend again, together with Kimmy, Yammy, my roommate, and Roni.

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It was now three years since God has put us all in each others' lives. I completely trust them with everything. They've known my deepest darkest secrets, and I've known theirs also. We've shared the most fun-filled, laughter-filled times, and we've shared the saddest ones as well. We’re more than just a barkada; we’re soul sisters.

I praise and thank God for the gift of friendship. I thank Him for giving me these two wonderful people who have been there for me during the most crucial point of my spiritual walk. I also thank Him for Atid and Bobbi for planting the seed. I also thank Him for using Kimmy. I also thank Him for Roni, for using her in introducing us to GenRev. I thank Him for placing the right people in my life at the right place, in the right time.

Of course, all three of us acknowledge that the puno't dulo of all these is God. He is the reason why we got together in the first place, and He is at the core of this friendship. Like what Christ said, "for where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:20).