Poison Letters

I am listening to the new album of Hillsong United as I type this entry. It is a nice album. At this point I am listening at the fifth track. So far I like two songs, "Salvation Is Here" and "Tell The World". By the time I finish this entry I would've finished this album.

No, this won't be an album review for "Look To You", although that ain't a bad idea. I just felt like mentioning it here because listening to a new album is a new experience for me. And new experiences are worth writing about.

Speaking of experiences, lately I have been talking about my college life, experiences and friends. I think it's about time I write something about my high school, the most memorable phase in any one's life (like ever).

I have a "rollercoaster" educational experience. My parents wanted me to have a good start, so they enrolled me in a Catholic school, Holy Spirit Academy of Malolos. It was a nice school, and I admit that I learned things there that helped me in high school, although my experience there was something that I allowed selective amnesia to devour. I can only remember a handful of memories from the seven years that I studied there.

The grade school there was co-ed, meaning we have guys with us. The high school back then was still exclusive. I didn't want to study in that environment, all girls, no boys. I didn't want that. So I asked my parents to transfer me to another school. And the best secondary school that I could go to there is Bulacan State University.

From private to public, Catholic to secular. Did I have a hard time adjusting to the new environment? Not really. I enjoyed the new place, the new uniform, the new people. Well, it helped that a good number of us from HSAM transferred to BSU, so at least I know a few people already there.

But there were people whom I don't know yet. And I got to know them the hard way.
My mom used to teach in the high school but was promoted to teach in the college department way before I enter high school. The people there know that she is the wife of a trial court judge. And I so HATE it when people automatically assume that because both my parents are professionals that we are a rich family. The moment I stepped in there, I had classmates who were surprised that I commuted to school! News flash - I am no princess!

But I've got to understand them. Compared to most of my classmates, we would really look like were part of the alta sociedad. Although I wasn't really ostracized because of my status, I still felt that there was still this gap between us. That gap remained even after graduation day.
That degree of separation I have was not limited only to my batch mates, but to the upper classmen as well.

I had an aunt who was a member of this private organization who conducts 'exchange student' programs of sort among its members, and their relatives. Since I was the eldest grandchild and pamangkin I was the first one to avail of such privelege (I went to Malaysia). And even though we've been trying to hide my trip from the people, it still leaked out, and the whole school knew where I was. When I came back, I was welcomed with glares and whispers. They though that the school has sent me to Malaysia. They didn't know that the only thing the school did was allow me to go. The fourth year students were silently protesting that the top student in their bact should've been the one sent on that trip, that I was such a spoiled brat, that for a freshie I was so presko. It was really tough.

Have you ever experienced receiving unsigned letters from someone and telling derogatory things about you? I did. The messenger, Earl, is one batch higher than me. And I really have this sneaking suspiscion that their whole batch knows who was behind those letters. What was inside? One heavily-stapled letter said something like Ang kapal ng mukha mong sumali ng choir boses palaka ka naman! (How dare you join the choir, you sound like a frog). Another one said Ang bantot na nga ng boses mo, pati ba naman kilikili mo? (Your voice already stinks, so does your armpits).

I am a sensitive person. Even though I put up the facade that I wans't affected by all that, in reality I was. I was crying day ang night to my mom, asking why they are so mean to me, when I wasn't doing anything (deliberate or not) to hurt them in any way. In fact I was trying to be friends with them. My mom told me that they may just be envious of me, and I was internally rolling my eyes everytime I see them, thinking "Was it my fault that I was born into the family I was in now?" and "You don't know me that well to judge me."

I am not perfect person, I have a lot of flaws. But I am not deliberately placing myself on the dark side. A friend of mine, BJ, told us in one of his bible study teachings that the Chritian life is not difficult, it is impossible. Back in those days I haven't known and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was bitter, I held grudges.

My initial reaction was to leave the place and run away from everything. My transfer from HSAM to BSU was partly that. Run away and hide. But my parents know better. I thank God for them. They told me that if I run away from every bad thing that comes my way, I will never know how to deal with them.

Same with Christian life. If we just run away from the world, how owuld we know how to deal with it? I really didn't like The Purpose Driven Life much, but I do remember one principle that has struck me: the principle of insulation, not isolation. No man is an island, they say. It is possible for Christians to be in the world, live in it, but not to be consumed by it.
I remember Christ said "Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile." (Mark 7:14-15) One may read the Word of God everyday, but if what comes out of his mouth does not glorify Him, it as good as not reading the Word at all.

Quoting the song "What The World Can Never Take," I've got a Saviour and He's living in me... and the world will never take you away. Jesus lives in me, and He'll stay there. Nothing will separate me from my King.

Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 38-39)