Born to Die

Two people were walking in the middle of the night, on their way to town. One of them was a man pulling a jackass on which a woman, his wife, was riding on. It was a cold night, and the woman was heavy with a baby. They have been walking for days and are in need of a place to stay for the evening.

They knocked at every door, only to be greeted with “no vacancy” signs. Weary and a bit nervous, for his wife might give birth any minute now, he knocked again at a door. Like the previous ones, the inn was occupied, but the keeper was kind enough to offer them the stable where the animals were kept. Beggars can’t be choosers, so they accepted it.

The woman gave birth there, a healthy boy, and wrapped the babe in strips of cloth and placed him on the manger, hay cushioning the delicate body.

Angels sang in the horizon about the birth of the Savior, Lord and Messiah, and called on shepherds to visit the new born baby that’s lying in a stable. Scholars from Far East were given advanced news and, by the guidance of a bright star, were on their way to see the newborn.

All honored him and brought him gifts fit for a king (for that’s who he is). The man and his wife’s hearts are overflowing with joy. The shepherds spread the word to everyone about the baby and all were astonished. The mother treasured this and pondered over them.

She has no idea what the message would mean to her, and especially to her son.

But even before she got to that, an angel warned them of a looming threat on the babe, and told them to escape faraway to Egypt, until the danger has passed. That peril was an order by the King to kill all young boys, threatened that a young child would take over his throne.

Blood was shed that time, but the newborn babe in the manger was spared. It was not yet his time.

The baby was presented to the temple, and wise words were said about him, to the astonishment of his parents. They lived a quiet life in his mother’s hometown, helping his father with his craft (for he is a carpenter).

After years of living like one of the people, he went out to different places and started preaching about love and salvation and a new kingdom. People were enamored by his presence and authority. But some felt threatened. As the priest Simeon told of him when he was presented at the temple “… he will be for [the multitudes] their rise or fall, a sign of contradiction. [He will] bring to light the secret thoughts of all.”

And so he was captured, tortured and hung on two pieces of wooden planks. The King, whom “all were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem” was treated like a low-life criminal. Funny thing about the whole thing was that he did not inasmuch threw a pebble on an unwitting donkey to deserve such punishment.

In the same way that he entered the world, he left it swaddled in strips of cloth.

Like a lamb… brought to slaughter, he did not open his mouth. - Isaiah 53:7

===

And so the child who was born that cold fateful night was born so that he may die.

Our sins he borne on his shoulders, so that the punishment we truly deserve will be transferred to him. Why? Because he loves us so much he doesn’t want us to suffer the same fate he underwent. By his death we were given everlasting life.

It is the best Christmas gift we can ever have, and all we need to do is accept it. And since He is the only way to gaining that eternal life, so must we accept him, JESUS, as our only Savior, Lord and Messiah.

May everyone have a blessed and wonderful Christmas!

Reaching Out

It was a humid afternoon; the sun was starting to set. People are gathering quickly in the venue - a large rectangle open area, sandy for it is not concretized. The place is so dry that a handful of trees, mostly palms, are there. Patches of brown-green grass cover the ground. In front is an old adobe structure. Miniature dust tornadoes appear every now and then.

The crowd is made up mostly of children. They're sweaty and dirty, prolly due to playing all day under the sun. They seem not to mind the heat, for they were all smiles as they see us approach (‘dust angels’ as my companion described them). I was with a female companion, both in awe with the number of people gathered in the venue. I was thinking out loud about where the parents of these children are, and a kid shouted "They're in the farm!" My heart sank for these kids, but their smiles made it light again. I smiled at them, played with them for a while, and they told me that they are excited for what will happen later. Their enthusiasm got me excited, too.

We entered the adobe structure, walking along the old corridors that seem to have seen a number too many incidents that led to the present situation of the location where we were in. People, dressed the same way as the children, are everywhere. As I walk to my destination, I met an old friend (my companion disappeared). The last time I saw her was in sixth grade, and even though she was one of my closest buddies when we were still younger, competition in school drew us apart. She lives across my grandparents' house, and yet I don't get to see her whenever I visit there.

We were both surprised to see each other there. I was dumbfounded for a few minutes, then I asked her how she was, and what was she doing there, of all places. She smiled, said she was ok, then suddenly cried. She seemed to be carrying this huge burden all these years and it was just then that she got to tell it. I listen to her until she was ok, and assured her everything is going to be ok. She smiled, and we parted ways. Told her I have a meeting to go to.

I arrived at the venue, people still crowding the area. I saw another companion, told me to rush for the meeting has already started. Before I entered, the girl at the door asked me to get a Bible. There were different versions on the rack; I took one and entered the room. It was an air-conditioned room. I went inside, and saw familiar faces. I sat on the only space available, on the floor, beside him. And the meeting began. Our leader was teaching something that’s related to what we are about to do, related to the gathering outside. He read a verse from his Bible; his version is the same as mine. He then asked for someone with another version to read the same verse. He happened to have another version and read out loud. He saw that I have a different book so he shared his Bible with me. I read. I can’t see the letters that well, for it was so small that I moved closer to him. Since I was smaller than him, my head was resting on his shoulder while I was reading. He then leaned his head on mine, while we read and listened to our leader. I was surprised with that move, but I’ve gotten comfy with it right away – and so did he. The people around us didn’t seem to mind us. And we remained that way until the end of the meeting. Then we stood up. He helped me up, smiled at me and said

“It’s show time.”

Our leader opened two big oak doors, bright lights shone on our faces, for it was already dark outside, and we went out on stage, welcomed by wild cheers from the crowd.

* The following was a dream I had last night. The scenes were so vivid that I was compelled to write it down, so that I won’t forget it.

Random Ramblings

It has been eons ago since I last updated my blog (and the "eon" bit was partially a pun) :p

For those who didn't know YET, I have a new job (a 3-month old new job), in a stakeholder relations firm (to know what the heck that means, visit our site). Yes, I have crossed the fence, from publishing to public relations.

It has been a rollercoaster ride, I must say. It's stressful, fun, and very educational. And though I have received the culture shock of my 22-year existence, I am grateful for everything that happened. Heck, I can even say I'm happy, for "there is nothing better than for man to rejoice in his work; for this is his lot" (Eccl 3:22) I still believe that I was placed here for a purpose, a purpose that is yet to be revealed.

But heck, I have a nine-to-six work hour, wherein I arrive at the office before nine and leave way past after six. No, I am not yet a candidate for W.A. (Workaholics Anonymous) but give or take a few more years I might just be. (I am TOTALLY kidding.)

This new work is humbling, for most part. Humbling for it made me realize how much I do not know. It also made me realize a new level of submission to authority. It also took me out of my comfort zone (literally and figuratively). I never realized how 'pampered' I was back in the magazine, how relaxed the atmosphere was, until I got in the firm. Though those two industries don't differ much, it's the culture that's worlds apart.

In moments of weakness I tend to long for the past, thinking how good things WERE when I should be looking forward and moving on.

I also miss the routine I've had when I still living within Quezon City. It was a perfect triangle: home, office, ECR. But the habit was broken, and now I (or rather, the Lord) is dealing with my schedule.

I miss my friends. I actually miss having two jeepney rides, getting off in front of St. Luke’s, riding the trike to the gate of Rolling Hills Village and walking the dark roads to #51 10th St. every Mondays and Tuesdays, and first Wednesdays monthly. I miss hanging out with my KG sisters and my friends in community, the worship, the teachings, the laughter and the silly times after TR, hanging out by Lucille’s quaint stall, walking from ECR to the village gate.

And all the Lord has been telling me is wait… and wait in silence (am I such a loudmouth?! :p)

He’s also telling me something else, which my puny human mind can’t quite comprehend yet. It’s big, I’m quite afraid of it, should my hunch be true. I am asking for prayers: for clarity of mind, for wisdom and understanding.

Meanwhile…

Just do what I’m supposed to do. Continue with the race (or is it a fight?). Whichever it is, I am confident that I am not alone in it.

Oh yeah, I know how Joel Houston looks when he’s NOT looking like a yagit na magsasaka: really H-O-T-T *wink wink*

Video Post - The Freedom We Know

The current song stuck in my head, now with visuals :D From the "Mighty to Save" album :) My favorite-est track in the album ;)You'll see why :D

Real Friendship

Friendship. A term that over time has lost its meaning, or has been misused so liberally you don't know what it really means anymore. Shall we limit ourselves to the dictionary meaning:

Individuals in a friendship relationship will seek out each other's company and exhibit mutually helping behaviour.

What is true friendship? What is real friendship?

I believe it is

… when they go out of their way to be with you in times of sorrow

… when they know you’ve made a mistake and yet not blurt out I TOLD YOU SO’s in every other sentence

… instead they comfort you and make you feel that you’ve been forgiven and that you have another chance of making it better next time around

… when they choose to be your friends not because of your status or position, or what you can give them, but for who you are

… when they text you or call you up not because they need something from you but because they want to talk to you

… when they tell you if there’s something wrong with you, and tell it to your face, instead of making you feel like you have a very contagious disease and not talk at all

… when they will stick up for you whenever you need them

… when they manage to see past your façade and see you for who you are and accept that over the former

… when you can approach them, ask them to pray for you, and you can be damn well sure that you’ll be prayed for

… when something good comes your way, they will be genuinely happy for you

… NOT when people become your “friend” only because you can do/give something for them

… when you’re down and out, they’ll pick you up and help you pick up the pieces

… NOT trample on you more and rub it in your nose that you did something wrong

… when they don’t call you “friend” just for the sake of adding another name to their “friends list”

… when they value you as a person, not just another number in the statistic

… when they see you wearing a frown, and they do all they can to turn it upside-down, even though they would look really silly or really stupid

… when you know, deep inside of you, that you can trust them with your life, and you know that they will be there to catch you.

This is for the guys and gals who showed me what real friendship is all about. It’s not about the number of friends that you have, but the number of times you spend with the people you care about. You know who you are… and I love you guys.

For the rest of you… you can learn a thing or two from this.

Goodbye

I love you.

That's what I wanted to say, but alas, circumstances doesn't agree with me. Now I must bid adieu, for I believe it's the right thing to do now.

Thank you for all the things you've done for and to me, albeit most of them you did unwittingly. I have become a better person because of you. And most importantly, I've grown to closer to God because of you (yes, you helped, trust me).

I know I have hurt you in the past, and I am really sorry for that, and I ask that you forgive me. But I have been hurt, too, but I take it as my 'pruning stage'.

If you need a friend, I am here for you. Don't hesitate to call on me. I wish you all the best. May you have a fun life.

God bless.

A promise I hold on to

No man will ever claim you unless he claims you from Me. For I reserved a man for you, who has My heart and loves Me even more than he will love you. For I won't give you unless he asks for you from Me. He's asleep, don't wake him. He's busy for Me, for My Kingdom. Soon you will know him, but in My perfect timing. you're my princess, My daughter. Let NO prince claim you unless he asks for you from My Hand, for I am your Father, the King of Kings. You, My princess, are worth waiting for. I love you. - Jesus

Elaine, my friend and KG sister, texted this to us single girls in our community. I pray that all the single girls who get to read this will hold on to the same promise. Remember, we are princessess; we deserve nothing but the best.

Hosea's Wife

I have made a commitment
To be Yours and Yours alone
To bask in Your love
And be by Your side

I was Your bride.

But the lure of the flesh caught me
And follow it I did
My commitment to You I broke
In Your face I defiled it

I broke Your trust.

Now I return to You
Repentant and ashamed
Begging for Your forgiveness
Begging for Your mercy

I love You
I know You know I do
I want to return to Your love
And be by Your side

Never will I follow my flesh
Never will I leave You again
I will be here for You, in Your service

I am Your bride, and will always be

I am Yours, now and forever…

EDIT (06.07.07)This used to be titled "Repentant", but I feel that the new one is more apt for this

Caught in the Whirlwind

Things happened so fast. Just when I thought nothing's happening (or nothing will EVER happen) the Lord enters and makes them happen.

This is one happening life. Can't wait for more.

Work in Progress

Things I need to learn:

1. Don't bite more than you can chew
2. If you're not sure, wait 'till you're called
3. Don't be an assumptionista
4. Don't be a Martha
5. Escapism is NOT the way to go

Hurtful Past, Hopeful Future

To see is to believe, right?

That's my principle. I need tangible proof before I believe its truth (one lesson I learned after being duped by a school bus mate when I was in eight). So unless I see something that will prove something’s (or someone’s) existence, I won’t take another’s word for it.

This kind of insecurity has brought me much trouble in my 21 years, 2 months and 21 days of living. Because it’s hard for me to believe, I tend to try things out on my own, so I can see for myself its factuality. This leads me to do things: stupid things, dangerous things, scary things. I really must have a mission here on earth for, despite all the brashness and foolishness, I am still alive.

It wasn’t when I became a young adult that I came to understand and appreciate, in a way, the phrase “leap of faith” (thank you Theo and Philo!). Good ol’ Wikipedia defines it as “the act of believing in something without, or in spite of, available empirical evidence”. Oh well.

I guess it boils down to my lack of trust. I don’t trust easily ‘coz my trust has been betrayed before. In return I’ve also betrayed the trust of so many people in my life; some have forgiven me, some have not. But I have trust issues. It’s hard for me to trust ‘coz I don’t want to get hurt again.

But then again, Jesus has also been betrayed, by the people he most loved no less. We have something in common. He has been hurt; so have I. He is God and He didn’t complain; I am just a mere mortal.

The fear of hurt made me distance myself from people, even and especially from those I love. And because I am far away from them I don’t see them as clearly as I need to. Thus I trust them less. Accordingly, my need for more proof.

But as a Christian it shouldn’t be my case. The fact that I believe in Someone, and entrust my life to Him, whom I have NEVER met in person says a lot. I have taken a huge leap. And now this Someone is telling me to entrust other things to Him, things that seems to good to be true.

I know I don’t deserve all the blessing I have received and am receiving. Nor do I deserve to receive more.

But I DO receive the blessings, and He promised that I will receive more in the future. Things so big and grand they seem surreal. All I need to do is to take that leap of faith and abangan na lang ang susunod na kabanata. Just as Abraham believed he will be the “father of all nations”, just as David believed he will defeat Goliath, just as Job believed things will be alright.

Taking the credit

When you have done all you have been commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.’ – Luke 17:10 (NAB)

When I was in Grade 4, we had a group skit for Home Economics class. I became the leader for this particular group and I designated myself to write the script for our presentation. It was about a girl who hated fruits, and her conversion (to loving fruits) story (Hey! We were a bunch of ten-year-olds learning about ‘go’, ‘grow’ and ‘glow’ foods). On the presentation day itself I wasn’t present to be part of the skit, for I was at rehearsals for the school Christmas cantata (how I became part of this production is also interesting, but it’ll be in another entry). When the rehearsals finished, all I caught was the last portion of our skit. I was happy coz the class liked our skit, as did our teacher. She gave kudos to the writer of the story; I was about to blush in humility when our teacher mentioned, not my name, but the name of my group mate (who also happened to be our class president).

I was flabbergasted (of course at 10 I didn’t know this word yet). I can’t believe somebody else took the credit for something I labored for so hard. It meant that the bonus grade would go to her instead to ME, the one who really wrote the thing. I told my parents, who wrote my teacher, and in front of class my teacher corrected herself and said that the praise she gave our class president was supposed to be for me. I felt vindicated.

If there was one trait I was taught early, it was to assert my right to take the credit for what I DID. I guess that’s one reason why I always wanted to be in at the top of things; it feels good to be credited for doing something. It gives life meaning and distinction. It gives power.

I became so hungry for that power and distinction, it became insatiable. If nerds have a bad reputation and is rejected in high school, I embraced it. I was such a nerd that I joined every single quiz bee or contest I can qualify, even if I wasn’t good at it. I joined a national Chemistry contest, for crying out loud! Not satisfied with that, I even joined beauty pageants! Of course, there are the student council elections. If I won’t be a beauty queen or professor, I can be a politician. Still distinguished, still recognizable.

What am I saying? I did all of those because I was UNpopular and I wanted to be popular.

But popularity isn’t what Christ came here for. In fact He fraternized with the unpopular: tax collectors, harlots, sinners. But I bet in Heaven humans were unpopular, too: we were the creatures who got booted out of Eden. We were the ones who had the nerve to turn our backs on the One who is sustaining us day by day. The angels must be so ashamed of us, heck they can even disown us, for all of humanity’s disgrace.

But Christ, the cool Son of God chose to be uncool by taking on the human form and, worse, being friends with the worst of its kind. Why? Because He loved us and wanted us to come back to the Father whom we turned our backs to, Who wants also us back, but sin blocked the way. The only one who can unblock our path to the Father is Jesus, who is the Way Himself. By dying on the cross, our sins were removed, washed away by His Blood; all we need to do now is accept that the only path back is through Christ.

For God so loved the world that He gave us His only begotten Son, we have, in any way, NO right to boast of whatever WE DID to be saved. We can’t take the credit for it; we didn’t do anything. All credit belongs to Jesus. Our only part is the acceptance of Him saving us; if there’s one thing we can boast about, it’s that we have been save through the cross.

Just as a servant cannot boast of cooking dinner for his master because it is the servant’s duty to do so, we cannot boast of our service to God the same way, for as His followers we are obliged to do so.

Reminder to self: everything I did, I did through Christ who strengthened me.

Season of the Sun

Did you know that:

… talking on the phone can burn calories?

… “drafting” in the water can make you a faster swimmer?

… “Stoked” is surfer-speak for extreme joy?

… our cover girl eats like a man?

Hit the beach with the latest issue of Action & Fitness, the magazine for the life you really want! Meet surfer girl Lorraine Lapus, and get wet with our feature articles on surfing, wakeboarding, and open water swimming. But before you take a dip, check out our swimsuit section so you’ll sizzle under the sun!

Grab a copy of Action & Fitness at your favorite newsstands and bookstores now! For subscription inquiries, please call 374-6771 to 75.

Life is a Paradox

How it is that someone can be so near and yet so far?

How can someone be right in front of you and yet fail to see them?

How can someone talk yet say nothing at the same time?

How can someone say something yet do the opposite?

How can someone be so open yet be so guarded?

How can someone be happy outside, yet crying inside?

How can someone love somebody else who doesn't love them?

How can Someone Wonderful give His life for someone like... me?

A Moment with Sam

For a few minutes I enjoyed Sam Milby's company today. It was for the launch of Centrum's new ad campaign. Can I just say HE'S SOOO GWAPO!!! My officemate Angela's guy friend told her that Sam Milby's one of few guy's that he'll go bakla over. And he was correct. Bading kung bading! He even hugged me! Weeeeh!

But trying to look past the celeb facade is a really down-to-earth and nice guy. And honest. It's rare to meet famous poeple who has kept their feet grounded.

GOING GLOBAL: Elim Singles Conference 2006

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!

I'd like to invite you and your friends to the conference of the year is here! We're gonna have an AWESOME time on May 19-21, 2006 at the Crown Regency Suites (Maximo Patalinghug Jr Ave, Lapu Lapu City, Cebu, Philippines)!!

GOING GLOBAL is the Elim Singles Conference for 2006. It is a call to action for single men and women to live their lives to the full. Going Global will give you a worldwide perspective on life, empowering you to support and assist in evangelistic missions in the Philippines and across the world. It is a three-day, multi-event, multi-venue conference jam-packed with talks, exhibits, media, workshops and accompanying events such as the urban adventure challenge, orientation and dinner at the beach, and the Going Global House Party.

The Going Global Urban Adventure Challenge (AC) is the accompanying event of the Elim Singles National Conference 2006. It is a six-hour race comprising a series of challenges that will position participants to overcome their personal challenges, test their minds, bodies and souls, and achieve their extreme spiritual pursuits.

For inquiries:
Manila T (+632) 722-6749
Cebu T (63+032) 234-4192

or you can leave me a comment or IM me at tennmann16 (Yahoo) :D Hope to see y'all there!

“Go into every part of the world. Tell the good news to everyone.” (Mark 16:15)

The Colt Under the Tree

When they were nearing Jerusalem, at Bethphage and Bethany on Mount Olives, [Jesus] sent off two of the disciples with instructions: "Go to the village across from you. As soon as you enter, you'll find a colt tethered, one that has never yet been ridden. Untie it and bring it. If anyone asks, "What are you doing?” say, "The Master needs him, and will return him right away.” (Mark 11:1-3, The Message)

Supposed it was YOU who received those instructions, what would you do? How would you handle being in such a situation? To get the colt is, technically and legally speaking, stealing. Not only will the two disciples commit a felony, it would be pretty awkward moment if people saw them doing it.

And yet they did it.

They followed Jesus’ command to the tee and were successful in their errand. They pushed aside their embarrassment and fear and did what they were told. I believe that they are not dumb guys. But their faith in the Jesus was that strong and they were resolved to follow Him, doing WHATEVER He asks of them.

Obedience breeds leadership. A great leader is a good obedient follower. People wanted to be on the top without starting from the bottom, thus missing out a lot of things that can only be obtained if you reach down there. To follow is one thing; to obey is another.

There are two kinds of followers: those who do it because they want to, and those who had no choice but to do it. I don’t believe that the latter is lesser than the former; rather I think that this is even better than saying ‘yes’ then not following at all. I remembered the incident with the Philippine Marine Corps a few weekends ago. Soldiers were trained to “do as they were told.” The chain of command is something precious, sacred and disobedience is met with a harsh penalty. And yet a mid-ranked soldier complained with a move by his superiors and brought his battalion with him. This soldier may not have value the chain of command then, but his people did, and they followed him wherever, even though (let’s be realistic) they don’t even share his sentiments. They just did what they were told.

The two disciples above, however, were obedient. They weren’t following blindly; they knew how stupid they would look if people caught them untying the colt. Yet they did it, fearless of what the people would think nor say. They just did what Jesus told them and their mission was accomplished.

In both groups they were both successful in doing what was asked of them. The only difference was that whereas one group wasn’t exactly conscious of what they were doing, the other knew theirs, and the consequences of it, yet overcame their doubts and just did it. Major leap of faith.

And that’s what the Lord has been asking me to do. It has been quite a week for me, spiritually. Messages of faith and obedience, infidelity and rebellion are what comprised my quiet times. Stories of destruction, cities burned to the ground, men, women and children killed. And then after all that the Lord will come and restore His people, all because of His great love for them. But the obedience part was what really struck me. What I stated above, it all started when the Israelites began disobeying God.

I’m as stubborn as an ass (the four-legged animal dude). I know what I’m supposed to do, yet I don’t do it. It’s like there’s a Thumbelina-ish sized angel on my right shoulder and a devil on my left trying to win me over their sides. And most of the time I became a leftist.

Now He wants me, badly. I’m convinced that He really wants me to do what He commanded me to. As for the details of which I have yet to know. If you’re gonna follow God, might as well do it just as He prescribed it (a great “thank you” to Pastor Philip, the one who conducts Bible study here in the office weekly; his teaching on this was the first time that I was really listening to him. This’ll be another entry in the future).

I also remember my faci telling us that obedience is the greatest sacrifice. Now that it’s the Lenten season, we are all asked to sacrifice something valuable in our lives, in the same way the God sacrificed the most valuable thing in His, Jesus Christ, and how Jesus sacrificed His life for us, that we may be saved and won’t need to give our own lives.

If there’s any life-giving we need to do, that is giving our lives TO GOD, FOR GOD. Once we gave Him our life, He will give us His. And the life He’s giving is eternal, everlasting. Don’t you want to have this life?

Untitled

"Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt."

Words that ring in my head
Looped for eternity
How easy for you to say
But I have to learn it the hard way...

It's hard to be in my shoes
When the poles repel
If only I could just click my heels
And be transported there...

There, where you promised I'll be
Safe in your arms
Your love wrapped around me...

"Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt..."

I am just earth, you are the sky
I am just a speck, you are a rock
You are up there on the pedestal
How can I live up to your stature?

You are up there, high above
I saw you smiling to the crowd
Yet behind that smile I heard crying
The child within in anguish, in pain

I want to take away the pain, wipe the tears away
But I can't see you, can't reach you
My eyes are clouded
By my own tears

Wipe away my tears, take away the pain
I wanna be with you, feel your love

Soon.

SONG POST: Beauty from Pain

Beauty from Pain
Superchick

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

When the Pieces Fall Into Place

As I struggle in front of my monitor thinking of a perfect lead for this entry, I saw a carefully folded sheet of newspaper from the Lifestyle section tucked in the couch beside the computer. I picked it up to see an article about the 'lessons that men wish women would learn'.

Curious? Sorry but that is not the main point of my entry. I wanna write about perfect timing, and true to God's promise, everything happens in its appointed time. A few minutes earlier, I was praying for a good start for this blog entry, and at the perfect moment He showed me the newspaper. It was the perfect time for me to see that paper, which a few more minutes earlier I wasn't even paying attention to.

Nice timing, eh?

There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. – Ecclesiastes 3:1

It's funny when our plans don't go as smoothly as we planned them to, then suddenly circumstances happen and we see the bigger picture that shows how the pieces all seem to fit after all and something happens which is way better than our own plans.

Countless times in my life has God interfered with my planned life and in those moments, I benefited from His plans than when I had it my way.

A friend told me that she doesn't believe in coincidences. Things don't happen "just because," there is always a purpose for its happening. And alongside that is the perfect time when it should happen. The time when I got my job, the time when I joined community, the time when I didn't get something only to receive something better. It's all in the third chapter of Ecclesiastes.

…a time to love, a time to hate… - Ecclesiastes 3:8

Sometimes we meet people whom we click with almost instantly, though there are some that takes us eons to strike a conversation with. For the latter we wonder if we'll ever get that chance to go beyond the casual "his" and "hellos". Then all of a sudden things happen that brings you close to those people and before you know it, you are the closest buddies, as if you've known each other since childhood.

In some instances, such friendships climb a few levels up and develop from platonic to romantic. You see the person's other side, the one which not a lot of people know. If the person is a high-profile personality, it's quite a feat to penetrate through all the layers that the person has put on for show. And by getting to know him/her more you feel for them more. Then after much prayer and discernment, you make the decision to love the person, to accept his/her iniquities and imperfections, to love the person, warts and all. You reach the point when you know that this time it really is love, not just mere infatuation or silly kiddy crush.

But it doesn't stop there. Sometimes even if you're so sure about your feelings for that person, you aren't sure if it's reciprocated. Fear of embarrassment, humiliation and reprimand, even persecution, hinders you from showing them your feelings. The same fears prevent you from sharing the story to people, especially to the ones directly concerned. You say "it just doesn't feel right" or "I don't know how to say it, where to start." But then you see the green light and even though it's such a hard thing to do, you just do it, especially if He commands you to do so.

He has made everything appropriate to its time – Ecclesiastes 3:11

Waiting on the Lord is one thing that we should all learn and live by. Frankie may have wanted to do it his way, following the Lord's is the better path to tread on. "But it's so hard to wait," you might say. Yes, it is hard; trust me, I know the feeling. But dear old Confucius is right in saying that patience is a virtue. But we have to take into consideration that when things don't go our way, or we don't get it as soon as we wanted to, think that it's because it's not yet time for it to happen. Why? Coz either we are not yet prepared to receive that thing or be in that situation, and the Lord is teaching us to be a little more patient and hope in Him. The more we wait, the more we rely on Him to give us more patience. When His sweet time comes, all our waiting will be worth the wait, for the fruit of it is what is best for us. You can't eat green bananas yet coz they're not yet ripe; you wait for it to turn yellow and sweet.

The works of all mankind are present to Him; not a thing escapes His eye. His gaze spans all the ages; to Him there is nothing unexpected. – Sirach 39:19-20

Have you been praying for something (a house, a car, a boyfriend/girlfriend) for so long and yet you have not received it yet? You start to feel that God has put on his headphones whenever you pray to Him, coz you sense that He doesn't hear a single word of prayer that you say. Don't fret my dear. God knows the every desire of our hearts, even before we even utter a word. He loves you, he knows what you need and want. But there are just some things that are much better to be ours a later time, for maybe by that time we are more mature, more prepared for such things. He may want us to do some things first, like serve Him.

Let us make the Lord our priority. Put Him first above all other things. He will take care of the rest of your needs… in His perfect time.

Overtime

It's past one in the morning, and I'm still here in the office facing my computer monitor. my eyes are bloodshot already, I can sense it, and in a few more hours we'll be on our way to La Union where we'll have a location shoot on a grand scale. I feel like I'm in some fashion magazine, not a sports mag. Though I'm not complaining. I'm loving my job, actually. Jen and I got to meet some really cool people since last week (thanks to their client), and, in true Freindster fashion, they all know each other. Ha! It's indeed a small world. I'm praying the weather will be fine later, with the bright sum smiling down on us and a clear blue sky with fluffy white clouds. Though I think I won't have the time to get myself a tan, I think I'll have a blast doing this shoot.

I have been so ngarag this week trying to oraganize this shoot that I thought I would never be able to go to. I praise and thank God for Jen and Marvi whom He gave to me as extra pairs of hands. I have been totally used to A&F's scale of shoots, and though we've had more location shoots than indoor ones, this one is different. I am quite happy so far with how things are going, coz I really am being blessed by the Lord. All credit goes back to Him.

I didn't have problems with the models, photog and make-up. All the clothes sponsors that Jen and I called up all agreed to lend us something, and we didn't have that hard a time with it. We even had a quickie request-and-pull out Thursday with Mojo sandals (called in Thursday at 5pm, got the stuff 10 am yesterday). And the people are sooooooo nice to us! They're very helpful, and they all know each other (hence the "small world" quip above). These water sports enthusiats are in the same boat :)

I tried (that's the operative word) to wakeboard last week in Taal (and I'm so grateful that my teacher was so patient with me even though, I bet deep inside, he wanted to strangle me for not telling them prior that I can's swim), and now the urge to try out these sports is getting stronger. I wanna have swimming lessons! I wish I can squeeze it in my schedule. The water's calling me.

Tomorrow we're going to surf land. Don't worry I won't be stupid this time. It's enough that I made a fool of myself in Taal. The peeps in La Union might've known of it, or will know of it, sooner or later, in one way or another.

It's already 1:30 AM. Woohoo! La Union, here I come!

SONG POST: Deeply In Love

Deeply In Love
Hillsong United

In my life You`ve heard me say
I love You
How do I show You it`s true
hear my heart, it longs for more of You..
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You..

You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by You
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You

You and I, together forever
Nothing can, stand in the way
My love for You, grows stronger
each new day.
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You

You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by You
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You

Jesus, you've stolen my heart
I`m captivated by You
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You

And They Were Called

There's a stirring in the Spirit, there's an urgency in this hour. - from God is Moving, Hillsong United

Last Saturday my family and I went to hear mass (we always hear the anticipated mass for it's impossible to make my dad get out of the house on a Sunday. It's like his body shifts to "SLOTH" mode every Sunday). Anyway, the Gospel for the week (from Mark 1: 14-20), as well as the readings, all tackle one topic: servitude and the call to serve.

It was the sermon that really caught my attention. The priest talked about why, of all people, Christ chose fishermen to be one of his first disciples. He talked about some qualities of a fisherman:

• Work's time is inconvenient
When they go fishing, they don’t usually go to the waters when it’s bright and sunshiny. They leave at the most ungodly hour, when most of us are fast asleep. This nature of their work entails a lot of sacrifice on their part.

The same goes for us Christians. True service to the Lord is when we do it at the most inconvenient for us. I’m not saying that we be masochists and let our service affect the rest of our lives (now He won’t want that, either). It is the sacrifice on our parts to go out of our way, our busy schedules, and give some time for God.

It’s hard to sacrifice something, unless the one whom you’re gonna do the sacrifice for is someone very dear to you, at the very least. Yes, sacrifice requires love. Love for the one you’re going to do the act for, and letting go of another thing/person that you equally love. What’s the point of sacrifice if that thing you’re letting go off doesn’t matter to you that much anyway? It’s more like a ‘good riddance’ thing rather than true sacrifice.

• They go to the fish, not wait for the fish to come to them
Have you seen a fisherman fish from the beach? Chances are the only fish he’ll catch are dried fish drying out in the sun.

Just like them, we, as servants of Christ, should be the ones to gather the people and bring them to Him. We can’t just sit there and wait for the fruit to fall (remember the story of Juan Tamad and the guava tree?) We should go out there, share with them how great and wonderful the Lord is and, by His grace, make them realize the same thing.

• After catching fish they go back to the shore, guided by the lighthouse
After the fishermen have had enough catch for the day they go back to the shore. For the more sosyal fishermen they are guided back to shore by a lighthouse.

It’s important for us to remember that when we get to bring people to the Lord all praise and glory should go to HIM, not to us. Just like the fishermen going back to shore guided by the light of the lighthouse, so should we be going back to the source of everything, guided by His love and grace and Word. That’s what differentiates religion to cults, the priest said. In cults, it is the leader of the group that gets all the credit, turning into a very bog fans’ club. Religions, all glory goes back to God.

That’s one more trait of a servant that we must all have: humility. Let’s all be humble enough to realize that, even though it is US who did the work, in reality it’s still the Lord: our bodies, our energies, our intellect, it’s all from Him. It was He who sustained us, it was He who guided us, it was He who put the words into our mouths and movements in our limbs. That’s why we cannot boast of all our good works, as St. Paul iterates in his letters, for it was the Lord who worked through us. We are mere instruments. We are vessels that, if we chose to empty ourselves, can be filled by God’s Spirit to be used for His greater glory.

Come after me and I will make you fishers of men – Mark 1:17

Since a serious entry's still brewing in my head...

Your Birthdate: July 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Lingering

Have you been hurt so badly then after a few days that feeling is still there, piercing you? It sucks big time, doesn’t it? You want to run away from that feeling but it keeps on following you. It’s like a shadow that’s attached to you. The worse part of this all is that you’re a person who can’t let go easily, can’t get over something that quickly. The pain lingers, making itself at home in your heart.

It is true what they say, when you’re hurt by the ones you love, it sucks more (ok it’s not exactly verbatim, but you get my drift).

This is such a test of faith for me. How much I am willing to submit to His will. I can’t do this on my own…

Being a Loser

To be "loser" means two things: either you're a failure, the most uncool person on the planet (and that's the most popular definition of the term), or you're someone who, literally, lost something.

It is hard to lose something that is very valuable. The more it is hard to lose someONE whom you hold dear in your heart. As much as we would want to avoid it, it's inevitable. Sooner or later, something or someone has to leave our lives.

And I am a person who has a hard time adjusting to loss. I become very attached to things easily. Three years ago our helper at home found a week-old baby maya bird on our porch. It looked so yagit: featherless, skin-and-bones, just like those day-old birds they sold by street food vendors, sans the seasonings. We suspected that it fell from the little maya nest that its mother built in between the small gap in our roof, just above the porch. Being the little sappy girl that I am, I took pity on the little bird and took care of it until the helper can put it back to its nest. I made a little make-shift nest for it, fed it bits of cooked rice and gave it drink. After three days my mom told me that it's time to return the bird to its nest. The night before the birdie's homecoming I cried in my room. I grew attached to the breathing balot chick.

Ok, that was just so... simple. And I guess that's what my fragile feelings can handle. I haven't really experienced loss on a large scale (unless you can consider losing two cellphones in the same year, but that's not counted). Never experienced a romantic heartbreak (it was I who did the breaking, bad Marley). Relatives have died, but I wasn't that affected coz I wasn't close to them. They're not really that 'valuable' to me.

Just recently I have become a loser. I have lost a friend, a sister, and a KGmate (oh, let me clear myself: she just left the community, she didn't die or nothing bad happened to her, praise God!). Of course we're still friends but the whole idea of her leaving us was something that is hard for me to accept. Once I have been used to having a person in my life, it's hard for me to let go (just like with that little birdie). Especially a person whom I have shared a lot with, one of the few whom I managed to open up to (when I am pretty secretive). I hated the fact that she will have to leave me; has our friendship no value to her?

As I battle with my inner bitch as to why people leave me (having a bit of Peyton-syndrome here), I realized something: I am such a selfish little brat. Once again it is all about me, me, and me when it’s not supposed to be that way. When things go well I have bright sunny days, but when things go wrong I go a-moping and a-complaining.

If it was God’s will for her to leave the community, then He has better plans for her. Malay ko ba naman sa mga plano ni Lord? Only He knows when, where, how and to whom things will happen, and most importantly, why. His ways are not my ways. Deal with it Marley.

Then I remembered Lani shirt, with the big, bold white letters saying L-O-S-E-R. And the verse after it: Matthew 10:39 - If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me. (The Message)

I am supposed to be a loser – lose everything I hope for, dream of and desire for. Lose all of these so that I may have a lot of free space for God to fill in. “Lose yourself, and I’ll take its place,” says the Lord. And what has I become? Such a selfish, bratty, sappy cry baby that has no one to think about but herself. It shouldn’t be that way. I should be happy for my friend that she has been growing fast in her spiritual life, and that wherever God brings her, it’s because He has a plan for her, a purpose for her being there and not with us. Though it hurts to be away from someone you love, I bet what I’m feeling right now is nothing to what God must’ve felt when the Son has to leave His side to save mankind.

Year-end Thanksgiving

Year-end Thanksgiving

Though most people wrote about resolutions and their insights, musings, regrets, complaints, whatever during the past year, I will be writing about the things I have been absolutely grateful for in 2005. I have a lot to thank for, anyway :)

The past year has been a year of changes for me. Change in environments, change of friends, change of status, change of residence even. Though changes abounded, I still retained friends of old and even re-discovered things and people I thought I have long ago lost.

I turned 21 last year. For most it’s a big deal for this signals one’s entrance to adulthood. Here one can make decisions on their own without need for parents’ consent, a time when most are employed and earning their own money, a time when they live on their own. I am no exception; in fact that’s how I imagined myself to be when I turn 21.

This was made possible by the fact that I finished college last year. Graduation was one of the best things that happened to me, not only because I finished in a school known for its high educational standard (which I was so afraid of not meeting at first) but because it was the end of one phase (schooling) and a start of another (employment). I chose not to go to graduate school agad ‘coz I wanted to experience working (plus I have been studying since I was 2½, I want a break).

Speaking of which, I am thankful for my job. I have always wanted to be in advertising but He brought me in another direction. Though my acceptance of the job happened so quickly it took some time before it sank in that I am employed, I do not regret my decision. Action & Fitness only started this year and though the road was bumpy (very bumpy) at the start, things are slowly getting better (the fact that the mag was just starting made me stay). I am thankful for a nice editor, who is ever so patient with me. I am thankful for my colleagues who make my work environment, well, fun, to say the least. I am thankful for Christian bosses who, despite the busy goings-on in the office, never forget the One Who makes everything happen.

I am thankful for my sisters-in-Christ, we who fondly call ourselves the S.S. (as in Super Secret what the letters mean). My friendship with Lani and Zy started and deepened because of our common love for God and our search for Him. Our fellowship with other Christian sisters has been wonderful and brought us closer to Him. Though we may be experiencing different trials now, both in our personal and spiritual lives, our sisterhood have what kept us, well, sane.

I am thankful to be part of a Catholic community where I have discipleship and fellowship with other believers. I am thankful for my KG – my facilitator and my KGmates – for the sharings and insights, blessings and prayers and lessons I get from them. I pray that they got the same from me as well. For the new friends I met and made in community, as well as those whom I have re-kindled after my absence, I thank God for them. Though my journey to joining the community wasn’t easy (for a whole lot of reasons), it was what He wanted me to go, and go I did. What lies ahead for me here? Only He knows.

I am thankful for my housemates, for re-discovering my high school friends, for allowing me to live on my own. I have been searching for a new place to stay in, where everything’s accessible and fits my budget, and Cubao was the place. It’s near the office, near the community center, and prolly (God-willing), near my law school. The people I am with have been the most fun and patient and generous and wonderful people to share one roof with. Our friendship which was started in high school was deepened now, after years of separation in college.

I am thankful for my parents, for being supportive of my decisions, albeit with much loving advice. They know what is good for me, having been “there,” yet they allow me to commit my own mistakes and learn on my own. I am learning so much, and still learning.

Now all the serious stuff has been thanked for, I thank for the simpler things also, like CSI Sundays, One Tree Hill marathons, for discovering that Desperate Housewives is a good show after all, for the two-month vacation after grad before I got employed, for working, though for a short time, for a friend, for discovering that I can still be a rocker, at my age, for the wonderful Christian music out there, especially the Indie artists, for spontaneous movie dates, college crushes, prospective GBs, Singles’ Socials, animated movies which Lani has dragged us to watch with her, the 6th Harry Potter book, the 4th Harry Potter movie, discovering the Chronicles of Narnia, free movie premiere tickets, Starbucks afternoons with my colleagues, musician friends and their gigs, finally going to Singapore with my family, nearly filling up my Starbucks card and high chances of getting that elusive planner after so long, SoulStop and fellowship with Atid, internet chats and making friends with people overseas, for my online best friend, for my longest crush of all time who has become a good friend (and hopefully has no idea that I crushed on him, and maybe has some feelings left), for fun, hyper, God-fearing cousins who are so quick in growing up, Burgoo lunches and coffee shop talks with the S.S., hamsters, ducks, rookies and coffee and a panda with a pet dwarf named after a famous painter, for blogging and personal web pages, for donuts-and-bagels talks, tear-jerking love stories, for the location photo shoots and cover shoots, press cons in posh hotels and picking out clothes in the mall, finally learning to use the Mac, for being not quite a fashion victim, for the cute guys I’ve seen everywhere, for rocking worship every 4th Friday of the month, for the new people I meet (in work, in community, in events, wherever), for my first-ever adventure race and finishing 5th among 15 teams, for the good reviews on A&F, for my intro to photography and graphic design, for multi-tasking, the menial tasks I did at the start, for all the good, and bad, things that happened to me in 2005. I may not have reached 2006 if not for those.

For all the people who really made an impact in my life the past year, you may or may not know it, but I thank you from the bottom of my getting-fat-coz-of-all-the-holiday-foods heart. I hope that I get to show you my gratitude. Here’s to more fun and sad times, and everything for God’s greater glory. Cheerios!