Run-away Girl

Have you watched the show Fear Factor? Yeah, I'm sure you have seen an episode. The contestants are subjected to challenges that are basically their worst fears (from the most disgusting to the most stomach-churning).

What do you fear the most? What do you fear more: the fear itself or the notion of facing that fear?

I fear a lot of things. I am afraid of riding ships, coz I am afraid of drowning, I am afraid of rats (oh wait, more of disgusted), I am afraid of losing my family, I am afraid of growing old alone, yet I am afraid to make a commitment, coz I am afraid of rejection. I am afraid of uncertainty.

I am no extraordinary case. I bet everyone has the same fears as I have. We only differ in the way we face our fears. How have I managed mine? Very poorly, I must say. I am a very good escape artist, though. When faced with a situtaion with a very uncertain outcome, I run away from it as fast as I can. I don't want to know what will happen if I move forward and face it. Most of the time though I regret my decision of running away because the outcome of the situation, had I faced it, was good.

Case in point: just yesterday I discovered that my wardrobe was turned to termite-ville. Somehow rain water seeped into it and the termites saw access to all my clothes. When I opened my cabinet and lifted a nicely-folded shirt a swarm of termites greeted me. I was so disgusted at it at the same time afraid to see the extent of the damaged so I asked our helper to just stash all the clothes in garbage bags and burn them the next day. I had the cabinet dismantled also, so now I am a wardrobe-less girl. My other clothes that were not yet placed in the cabinet was on my study table as of the moment.

Now this morning my mom and my yaya were rummaging through the clothes to see the extent of the damaged. My yaya suddenly discovered one shirt that I have only worn once! It was a shirt I bought in AMA Mall, with a pawikan (Philippine green turtle) print at the back, in very, very good condition! No holes, no damage at all! She just washed it and it was good as new.

If not for the 'courage' of my mom and my yaya to face the icky termites, they may not have saved that shirt. It may have been a pile of ashes now, together with the other pieces. Now my yaya's trying to salvage more clothes for me.

Hope you got what I was trying to point out (shallow the example may be).

There are bigger things I am afraid of. Especially afraid of rejection. We are all called to share the Good News of our Lord to everyone, yet I am as chicken as Chicken Little. I am afraid that people won't listen to me, won't pay me attention, won't even mind me. For years I have been telling myself that "I can do it, how hard can that be?" and I am still telling myself the same words till now. I also like this guy, but I dare not admit it for fear of what will happen if I do, and what my friends will say if they learned about it.

I have been inspired to write about fear for a few nights I have been receiving a very inspiring message from the Lord. "Take courage," the Lord says. He said that to Daniel in a vision (Daniel 10:19), He also told Paul in prison (Acts 23:11). The angel Gabriel also told Mary "not [to] be afraid, for you have found favor in God" (Luke 1:30, NAB). He has been assuring me not to be afraid, to take courage and be strong. Living in fear, for me, is also living in my comfort zone. I have been so comfortable in my present situation, because my fear of moving forward has allowed me to settle in, like sediments at the bottom of the sea. The Lord has been telling me to get off my ass and do something, but I am so afraid of doing so. Now he's been assuring me to not be afraid and just do whatever He wants me to do.

I hope that you will be assured with these words as well. It is comforting to know that whatever you do there is Someone to catch your back. He even said that "I know well the plans I have in mind for you...plans for your welfare, not your woe! Plans to give you a future of hope." (Jeremiah 29:11 NAB)

Whatever situation you may be in right now, I hope that you take the last verse to heart. Everything that happens to us happens for a reason, but all these happen for our own good (Romans 8:28). Don't lose heart when you're in deep sh*t. You can overcome it, don't be afraid. Remember the story of the Footprints in the Sand?

A friend once told me that he has never seen me depressed, but he has no idea how much I hurt inside when I do. I take assurance in the words I shared above. I may be afraid of facing my fear but I am not afraid that I am alone in what I undergo. I love this verse in Corinthians, when Paul says that "no trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:13 NAB)

I have been assured and re-assured. The Lord has done His part, now it's time to do mine. I will not be afraid. I will do whatever He asks me to do, "in Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)