A couple of weeks ago I discovered that two of the closest people to me have been lying for so long. It may seem to be a small thing, but a lie is a lie, and I was hurt. Deeply hurt. I confronted them about this, expecting at least a simple explantion why they did it, but instead they hid in fear and never talked to me again. I tried to contact them, but it seemed like they were swallowed by the earth whole.
It is difficult to accept it when someone lies to you, betrays you. All the more when that someone happens to be a person you care so much for. At that moment I felt like an anvil was tied to my heart and thrown from the helipad of a tall building (imagine Wile E Coyote, succeeding for the first time). It also makes forgiving much more difficult, as well, for trust has been breached.
But as the Lord has forgiven my trespasses, I had to forgive them, painful as it may be. But it's true that forgiving is freeing; the huge weight in my chest was lessened significantly after that decision. But there inside me I still wanted to know why (if I were a cat, I will be killed by now).
Weeks passed without a single explanation, though I emailed them an assurance that they are forgiven. If it is the Lord's will that we part ways after/because of this, then I wish them all the luck and love of God. They apologized, though they can't explain why.
But as in all circumstances, the Lord's ways are not ours.
Yesterday one of my friends messaged me and my friend Nadine (she knows them also) over YM, out of the blue. He apologized for the lies, and told us why they did it. Our other friend, he said, started going back to church, in fears of having a permanent pad in the ninth circle in hell (Revelations 21 struck him really bad). It actually took him (the one I was talking to) lots of courage (and a swig of whiskey, I think) to type H-E-Y in the window. Both of them were really repentant and sorry for the offense, and he can't believe it when, instead of cursing them to the depths of hell, we actually said we missed them and we love them, for they had been brothers to us.
"You are crazy girls. I don't deserve you."
I also tell the Lord the same thing. "You must be sumkindava crazy for loving me still despite all my foolishness. I don't deserve it." He is more than willing to extend that love to me all the days of my life. And for that I am extremely grateful.
All's well that ends well.
Moral of the story? All that happens is part of a greater plan, the parts of which reveal itself in due time. We just had to faithfully wait for that time, and have confidence in Him that He will push through. Forgiveness is good. Pain is inevitable, we will all go through some form of it, but in the end we will rejoice in victory.
As for these two friends of mine, I am just happy that we are ok now. Guess I can't get rid of them that easily.
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