The Life I Live

Would you be my "number Two"?

2009-02-01T14:20:00.000+08:00

The Helper (the Two)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me

Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.

Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective

Take the test HERE

Just When They Thought Love is Enough...

2009-01-14T03:48:00.000+08:00

Two German children, six and seven, elope for Africa

Agence France-Presse | 01/07/2009 10:13 PM

BERLIN - Two childhood sweethearts, aged six and seven, eloped from Hanover in northern Germany on New Year's Eve, determined to tie the knot under the African sun, police said Monday.

The pair identified as Mika and Anna-Lena "are very much in love and decided to get married in Africa where it is warm, taking with them as a witness Anna-Lena's little sister, aged five," police spokesman Holger Jureczko told AFP.

The idea for the romantic trip began when Mika told the two girls about his recent holiday in Italy, while their families celebrated New Year's Eve together. "From this, the children began to make plans for the future," Jureczko said.

As the first dawn of 2009 broke, the trio started to put these plans into action, packing all the essentials for the journey, including "sunglasses, swimming trunks, a lilo, summer clothes and provisions."

While their parents slept, they left their house in the suburbs of Hanover, walked a kilometre (two-thirds of a mile) up the road to a tram stop from where they took a tram for the central station.

Waiting for a train to the airport, they aroused the attention of a guard who contacted police.

Two officers managed to convince the young lovers that they would struggle to get to Africa without money or a plane ticket.

As a consolation, the children were given a special tour of the police headquarters at Hanover station where they were especially taken with the detention cells.

Their relieved parents picked them up from the station, the spokesman said, adding: "They can still put their plan into action at a later date."

Thank You For Calling Tech Support (Excerpts)

2009-01-06T08:23:00.000+08:00

Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”
Customer: “That’s why I hate Windows — because of the icons — I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to –”
Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘Industry Terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”
Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet…is ‘little picture’ ok?”
Customer: [click]
-----------------------------------------------
At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer’s asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
Customer: “Hello. I can’t get on the network.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage.”
Customer: “What is that?”
Tech Support: “That little barcode on the front of your computer.”
Customer: “Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . .”
-----------------------------------------------
Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

****
Got this from my friend AJ's site. Hilarious! For the rest of the blog entry, read it here.

New Leaf

2008-12-30T15:50:00.000+08:00

2008 is ending. In a few hours we will be saying hello to a brand spanking new one.

I have been truly blessed this year, as I was the past years. With that I am eternally grateful to the Lord. I have let go of certain things (and people) this year, though the void left was filled with new things (and people) that are making my life more colourful and interesting (to say the least).

To those who entered my life this year, I am truly grateful that you did :) Stay there, please. To those that remained through all the ups and downs, I am also eternally grateful. You will be blessed a million-fold (pramis!). Those who I have not seen for a looooong time, let's catch up in 2009 :) We owe each other lots of kwento.

I have also learned who my friends are, and who aren't this year. Trials sure has its way of filtering the dirt, and purifying the soul. I may have failed in some, triumphed in some, but in the end I got through everything because of Him Who is Forever there with me. I am not worthy, but hey, He loves that much (and more). All I can do is accept it :)

So to all my real friends, I thank you, I truly do. I may not be good in showing it, but rest assured you are all in my prayers.

To those who have a different opinion about me, I ask for forgiveness if I have hurt you. I did not mean to do any of it. I also pray for enlightenment, that you see me for who I am and not draw conclusions from mere superficial facts. You're also in my prayers :)

Second chances. Everyone needs one. I sure do. And I can't wait to start my life on a new leaf for 2009.

Here's to more blessings, adventures, parties, good times and fun!

Happy New Year everyone! :D

A pleasant morning surprise

2007-12-20T07:50:00.000+08:00

This morning a huge bouquet of flowers (orchids) was delivered to our office, with a card signed anonnymously. It also made a reference to a past blog entry of mine (which meant he has read/reads my blog).

This is the first someone gaveme flowers. I'll admit, it feels nice (kilig, even) to receive flowers (despite girls saying that they didn't want to) and I would like to thank him, whoever my mysterious flower-giver is, for it .

I have been up to my neck with work the past couple of weeks, and I am this close in becoming an image model for Stresstabs (the BEFORE model). This little surprise sure is a welcome break from all the stressors here in the office.

What can I say? The Lord sure knows how to make a girl smile

Wow ang... gulo ng work station ko

Who could this be from?

Haha, I took the RIGHT course in college!

2007-07-06T08:19:00.000+08:00

You scored as English/Journalism/Comm, You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Communication, English, Film, Journalism, Literature, or Writing.

It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it.

Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

English/Journalism/Comm

81%

History/Anthropology/LiberalArts

69%

Religion/Theology

69%

Visual&PerformingArts

63%

French/Spanish/OtherLanguage

56%

Biology/Chemistry/Geology

50%

PoliticalScience/Philosophy

50%

Psychology/Sociology

50%

HR/BusinessManagement

44%

Education/Counseling

44%

Physics/Engineering/Computer

44%

Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health

31%

Accounting/Finance/Marketing

19%

Mathematics/Statistics

WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
created with QuizFarm.com

How much of the Philippines have you visited?

2007-06-19T04:33:00.000+08:00

My Lakbayan grade is C!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

When Your Spouse is Hotter than You

2007-05-18T07:10:00.000+08:00

I stumbled upon this TIME Magazine article talking about, of all things, "inter-facial" marriage, or when one's spouse is "hotter" than the other.

Herself a 'victim' of such a union, the author listed down a couple of "challenges that scummy-yummy couples must deal with to survive."

Funny!

I Don't Deserve You

2007-05-14T14:11:00.000+08:00

A couple of weeks ago I discovered that two of the closest people to me have been lying for so long. It may seem to be a small thing, but a lie is a lie, and I was hurt. Deeply hurt. I confronted them about this, expecting at least a simple explantion why they did it, but instead they hid in fear and never talked to me again. I tried to contact them, but it seemed like they were swallowed by the earth whole.

It is difficult to accept it when someone lies to you, betrays you. All the more when that someone happens to be a person you care so much for. At that moment I felt like an anvil was tied to my heart and thrown from the helipad of a tall building (imagine Wile E Coyote, succeeding for the first time). It also makes forgiving much more difficult, as well, for trust has been breached.

But as the Lord has forgiven my trespasses, I had to forgive them, painful as it may be. But it's true that forgiving is freeing; the huge weight in my chest was lessened significantly after that decision. But there inside me I still wanted to know why (if I were a cat, I will be killed by now).

Weeks passed without a single explanation, though I emailed them an assurance that they are forgiven. If it is the Lord's will that we part ways after/because of this, then I wish them all the luck and love of God. They apologized, though they can't explain why.

But as in all circumstances, the Lord's ways are not ours.

Yesterday one of my friends messaged me and my friend Nadine (she knows them also) over YM, out of the blue. He apologized for the lies, and told us why they did it. Our other friend, he said, started going back to church, in fears of having a permanent pad in the ninth circle in hell (Revelations 21 struck him really bad). It actually took him (the one I was talking to) lots of courage (and a swig of whiskey, I think) to type H-E-Y in the window. Both of them were really repentant and sorry for the offense, and he can't believe it when, instead of cursing them to the depths of hell, we actually said we missed them and we love them, for they had been brothers to us.

"You are crazy girls. I don't deserve you."

I also tell the Lord the same thing. "You must be sumkindava crazy for loving me still despite all my foolishness. I don't deserve it." He is more than willing to extend that love to me all the days of my life. And for that I am extremely grateful.

All's well that ends well.

Moral of the story? All that happens is part of a greater plan, the parts of which reveal itself in due time. We just had to faithfully wait for that time, and have confidence in Him that He will push through. Forgiveness is good. Pain is inevitable, we will all go through some form of it, but in the end we will rejoice in victory.

As for these two friends of mine, I am just happy that we are ok now. Guess I can't get rid of them that easily.

Bio-kick! Bio-sword! Bio-gesic!

2007-04-28T19:33:00.000+08:00

Happiness!

I just found out that there are complete Bioman and Maskman episodes on YouTube!
(Now, if any of you can say where I can get cheap DVDs, that'll be lovely!)

In the meantime, I'll settle with what I have!

Childhood regression once again! :D

Click HERE to watch the YouTube videos :D Enjoy!

Twisted Ankle

2007-04-25T10:56:00.000+08:00

It was another Tuesday night, and I was on my way to prayer
meeting from work. To go to the jeep terminal I had to cross the bright
pink-and-blue structures that’s smack in the middle of the busy Aurora Ave-EDSA
intersection. A lethal combination of tiredness, sleepiness, stress and
‘daydreaming while walking’ made me miss the last step down and twist my ankle.

Fortunately I fell on my knees, instead of on my face. It
was hard to stand up (coz my ankle started swelling up then), and I just tried
to laugh it off while saying a silent prayer for protection from snatchers and
the well being of my ankle. I slowly made my way to a waiting jeep, and made it
to the meeting.

Every now and then we hit a snag in our daily routine that
makes us fall on the ground: a nasty breakup, you lose your job, you fail an
exam or you lose a loved one. The burden that we feel seems so heavy that we
sometimes feel that we cannot recover from that fall anymore.

But we CAN recover. Eventually, we will rise from our
situations triumphant over our adversities. That’s a promise. And the Lord
doesn’t make promises that He does not keep.

The suffering won't last forever. It won't be
long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and
glorious plans they are! —will have you put together and on your feet for good.
(1 Peter 5:10, The Message, emphasis added)

The One I Asked the Lord For

2007-04-22T16:38:00.000+08:00

As a single person, it is most frustrating to be surrounded by couples everyday, while you tread along by your lonesome, wondering where you can find that other single person that will “complete you”. Your heart longs for someone who will hold your hand while you walk, look into your eyes lovingly and tell you how beautiful you are, even though you feel like you look like a hag.

It doesn’t help that relatives bug you why, at your age now, you are still unattached, blaming it on your physical appearance or your standards (high or otherwise), followed by threats of being left behind by your peers, or the expiration of your egg cells (for women), and a bleak future of dying alone, old and sagging and sad.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? YES, and one more question about my singleness and I’m gonna run out screaming, you say.

Tell me about it.

I have never had a boyfriend. Ever. And yes, I admit, it sucks at times. I’ve cried out to the Lord a lot of nights, asking why I have not found “the one”, why I don’t get flowers on Valentine’s Day, why no guy asks me out for a date. It even occurred to me that probably I might live my whole life single (considering the number of close relatives I have who are bachelors and old maids). It decreased my self-confidence, made me bitter, scared, and made me lower my standards.

One night I was praying, and I was talking to Him again about my love life (or lack thereof). I had just renewed my acceptance of Jesus and was rebuilding my relationship with Him, and was telling Him what I wanted in a partner, and noticed a change in my ‘preferences’. As I live a new life in the Lord and in His service, I want my future hubby to put the Lord first, above all else, and should be passionate about Him and, hopefully, serves Him also. I realized that if a man has those qualities, all the other nice things would follow (kindness, thoughtfulness, chivalry, etc). Of course, being good-looking won’t hurt, also, I told Him.

I have been asking for a man with those qualities, a man who will be worthy of my hand, whom I can look up to, respect, serve, love and adore. I’d like to call him “Sam” from Samuel, which meant “I have asked him from the Lord” (1 Samuel 1: 20b). This is what his mother Hannah decided to name him, after she, a barren woman, asked the Lord for a child, and He heard her cry.

I asked, “Lord how is Sam doing? How did his day go? When can I meet him?”

All I got was, “WAIT.”

And so I wait. As of today, there’re still no flowers delivered, no phone calls, no propositions. But I still continue to pray for this man, whom I believe exists. And every day the Lord assures me of this man’s existence, of how He is using this man in His service, molding him to be the worthy partner for me, the more I praise the Lord’s name, and grow to love ‘him’. Yes, I love this man, even if I don’t know him yet. And I’d like to believe that he loves me as well. But for now, he still has a lot of work to do for the Lord. And so do I. I am looking forward for that day that I will meet Sam face to face.

"But than anything else, put God's work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well" Matthew 6:33 (Contemporary English Version)

Countryside development

2007-04-19T16:39:00.000+08:00

Today is my fifth day as a banker. (Well, not in very strict terms, but I do work in a bank, you see. Does that still count?)

Anyway, I started last Friday (the 13th!) at the Corporate Affairs Department of LANDBANK. I never thought I would actually use my Civil Service Eligibility certification.

So far, so good. I get to write here. A lot. Sometimes I do more than that. Corporate communications has a lot of demands, especially if you're doing it for a company as big as this one. Busy, busy, busy.

I am enjoying it :)

My colleagues (led by my boss) are nice, accomodating, patient and, most important of all, crazy. My kinda crowd :p hehe

Now, my rural banks and cooperatives are waiting for me.

Photoshop Love II

2007-04-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

"Golden Girl"

"Dreamhouse"

"Terno"

Photoshop Love

2007-04-08T11:08:00.000+08:00

"At Home"

"The Door"

P4.56

2007-02-13T13:52:00.000+08:00

It was kinda late and my colleagues and I were still in the office, finishing up work (as usual). And since we have not eaten out for the longest time (plus our tummies were on the brink of a revolution) we decided to have dinner out.

I asked if we can pass by an ATM first so I can get money to finance our impromptu thing (and my wallet’s as empty as my stomach). But no ATM was in sight nearby, so one of them paid for my food for the meantime (Lord bless her a thousand fold!). All was well, and the food was yummy.

I hitched a ride with another colleague who lives in Katipunan (I was planning to take a jeep to Cubao from Katipunan instead, coz I didn’t want to endure the long bus ride along EDSA). Still looking for an ATM machine, we decided to withdraw at the one beside Shoppersville.

I almost fainted when the machine ejected my card but no cash came out. When I checked my balance (before withdrawing from the ATM, always check your balance first) I only have P4.56 in my account!

Blessings in disguise

With that amount, and only twelve pesos in my coin purse, I almost considered walking home. But my angel, disguised as my co-worker, lent me money (Lord bless her a thousand fold!).

This incident brought to mind the sparrows and the wild flowers (Matthew 6: 31-32). They don’t worry where they’ll get their survival necessities for the Lord provides for them. If they are taken care of every day, what more am I, an adopted child of the King?

Of course, lessons are to be had from this. For one, I should start managing my finances (seriously).

Second, is that the Lord takes care of us. Always. Just when we are in the brink of falling off that edge of despair and hopelessness, He scoops us up just in time. During times when we think He is not around, He is behind us, ready to enter the picture at our first cry for help. And he does this through a variety of ways.

In my case, it was through co-workers, whose generosity made me see the night and days through (at least before the 15^th). It made me see that every circumstance is a “blessing opportunity”, where one stands the chance to receive blessings, if only they attune themselves to receiving it. I remember a pastor teaching on perception; the only thing the devil can’t take away from us during adverse moments is how we perceive such moment. In simpler terms, it pays to be optimistic.

Give ‘til it hurts

My friends’ generosity has also brought into mind the same act by the Good Samaritan, in which he extended generosity to someone whom he don’t even know. It entailed sacrifice on the Samaritan’s part, much as it entailed some sacrifice on my friends’ when they helped me out. It has to “hurt” at some point. But they love me that’s why they did it (and they’re reading this entry right now. Hehehe!)

It is said that we are blessed so that we may be able to share these blessings to others. It is nice to receive, but it is better to give, knowing that the your ‘loss’ is another one’s ‘gain’.

We are all called to extend this act of generosity to everyone. And generosity does not translate to financial or material things only. You may give your time (listening to a friend, accompanying them somewhere, etc) or talent (helping with a project, entertaining a lonely friend, etc). The possibilities are endless (as long as it’s for the other person’s betterment).

So now, I praise and thank the Lord, for my friends, for their generosity and friendship *insert “Maalaala Mo Kaya” theme here*

As for me, I better budget (take note not “budget better”) my money.

Born to Die

2006-12-24T12:31:00.000+08:00

Two people were walking in the middle of the night, on their way to town. One of them was a man pulling a jackass on which a woman, his wife, was riding on. It was a cold night, and the woman was heavy with a baby. They have been walking for days and are in need of a place to stay for the evening.

They knocked at every door, only to be greeted with “no vacancy” signs. Weary and a bit nervous, for his wife might give birth any minute now, he knocked again at a door. Like the previous ones, the inn was occupied, but the keeper was kind enough to offer them the stable where the animals were kept. Beggars can’t be choosers, so they accepted it.

The woman gave birth there, a healthy boy, and wrapped the babe in strips of cloth and placed him on the manger, hay cushioning the delicate body.

Angels sang in the horizon about the birth of the Savior, Lord and Messiah, and called on shepherds to visit the new born baby that’s lying in a stable. Scholars from Far East were given advanced news and, by the guidance of a bright star, were on their way to see the newborn.

All honored him and brought him gifts fit for a king (for that’s who he is). The man and his wife’s hearts are overflowing with joy. The shepherds spread the word to everyone about the baby and all were astonished. The mother treasured this and pondered over them.

She has no idea what the message would mean to her, and especially to her son.

But even before she got to that, an angel warned them of a looming threat on the babe, and told them to escape faraway to Egypt, until the danger has passed. That peril was an order by the King to kill all young boys, threatened that a young child would take over his throne.

Blood was shed that time, but the newborn babe in the manger was spared. It was not yet his time.

The baby was presented to the temple, and wise words were said about him, to the astonishment of his parents. They lived a quiet life in his mother’s hometown, helping his father with his craft (for he is a carpenter).

After years of living like one of the people, he went out to different places and started preaching about love and salvation and a new kingdom. People were enamored by his presence and authority. But some felt threatened. As the priest Simeon told of him when he was presented at the temple “… he will be for [the multitudes] their rise or fall, a sign of contradiction. [He will] bring to light the secret thoughts of all.”

And so he was captured, tortured and hung on two pieces of wooden planks. The King, whom “all were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem” was treated like a low-life criminal. Funny thing about the whole thing was that he did not inasmuch threw a pebble on an unwitting donkey to deserve such punishment.

In the same way that he entered the world, he left it swaddled in strips of cloth.

Like a lamb… brought to slaughter, he did not open his mouth. - Isaiah 53:7

===

And so the child who was born that cold fateful night was born so that he may die.

Our sins he borne on his shoulders, so that the punishment we truly deserve will be transferred to him. Why? Because he loves us so much he doesn’t want us to suffer the same fate he underwent. By his death we were given everlasting life.

It is the best Christmas gift we can ever have, and all we need to do is accept it. And since He is the only way to gaining that eternal life, so must we accept him, JESUS, as our only Savior, Lord and Messiah.

May everyone have a blessed and wonderful Christmas!

Reaching Out

2006-12-16T16:28:00.000+08:00

It was a humid afternoon; the sun was starting to set. People are gathering quickly in the venue - a large rectangle open area, sandy for it is not concretized. The place is so dry that a handful of trees, mostly palms, are there. Patches of brown-green grass cover the ground. In front is an old adobe structure. Miniature dust tornadoes appear every now and then.

The crowd is made up mostly of children. They're sweaty and dirty, prolly due to playing all day under the sun. They seem not to mind the heat, for they were all smiles as they see us approach (‘dust angels’ as my companion described them). I was with a female companion, both in awe with the number of people gathered in the venue. I was thinking out loud about where the parents of these children are, and a kid shouted "They're in the farm!" My heart sank for these kids, but their smiles made it light again. I smiled at them, played with them for a while, and they told me that they are excited for what will happen later. Their enthusiasm got me excited, too.

We entered the adobe structure, walking along the old corridors that seem to have seen a number too many incidents that led to the present situation of the location where we were in. People, dressed the same way as the children, are everywhere. As I walk to my destination, I met an old friend (my companion disappeared). The last time I saw her was in sixth grade, and even though she was one of my closest buddies when we were still younger, competition in school drew us apart. She lives across my grandparents' house, and yet I don't get to see her whenever I visit there.

We were both surprised to see each other there. I was dumbfounded for a few minutes, then I asked her how she was, and what was she doing there, of all places. She smiled, said she was ok, then suddenly cried. She seemed to be carrying this huge burden all these years and it was just then that she got to tell it. I listen to her until she was ok, and assured her everything is going to be ok. She smiled, and we parted ways. Told her I have a meeting to go to.

I arrived at the venue, people still crowding the area. I saw another companion, told me to rush for the meeting has already started. Before I entered, the girl at the door asked me to get a Bible. There were different versions on the rack; I took one and entered the room. It was an air-conditioned room. I went inside, and saw familiar faces. I sat on the only space available, on the floor, beside him. And the meeting began. Our leader was teaching something that’s related to what we are about to do, related to the gathering outside. He read a verse from his Bible; his version is the same as mine. He then asked for someone with another version to read the same verse. He happened to have another version and read out loud. He saw that I have a different book so he shared his Bible with me. I read. I can’t see the letters that well, for it was so small that I moved closer to him. Since I was smaller than him, my head was resting on his shoulder while I was reading. He then leaned his head on mine, while we read and listened to our leader. I was surprised with that move, but I’ve gotten comfy with it right away – and so did he. The people around us didn’t seem to mind us. And we remained that way until the end of the meeting. Then we stood up. He helped me up, smiled at me and said

“It’s show time.”

Our leader opened two big oak doors, bright lights shone on our faces, for it was already dark outside, and we went out on stage, welcomed by wild cheers from the crowd.

* The following was a dream I had last night. The scenes were so vivid that I was compelled to write it down, so that I won’t forget it.

Random Ramblings

2006-12-02T20:03:00.000+08:00

It has been eons ago since I last updated my blog (and the "eon" bit was partially a pun) :p

For those who didn't know YET, I have a new job (a 3-month old new job), in a stakeholder relations firm (to know what the heck that means, visit our site). Yes, I have crossed the fence, from publishing to public relations.

It has been a rollercoaster ride, I must say. It's stressful, fun, and very educational. And though I have received the culture shock of my 22-year existence, I am grateful for everything that happened. Heck, I can even say I'm happy, for "there is nothing better than for man to rejoice in his work; for this is his lot" (Eccl 3:22) I still believe that I was placed here for a purpose, a purpose that is yet to be revealed.

But heck, I have a nine-to-six work hour, wherein I arrive at the office before nine and leave way past after six. No, I am not yet a candidate for W.A. (Workaholics Anonymous) but give or take a few more years I might just be. (I am TOTALLY kidding.)

This new work is humbling, for most part. Humbling for it made me realize how much I do not know. It also made me realize a new level of submission to authority. It also took me out of my comfort zone (literally and figuratively). I never realized how 'pampered' I was back in the magazine, how relaxed the atmosphere was, until I got in the firm. Though those two industries don't differ much, it's the culture that's worlds apart.

In moments of weakness I tend to long for the past, thinking how good things WERE when I should be looking forward and moving on.

I also miss the routine I've had when I still living within Quezon City. It was a perfect triangle: home, office, ECR. But the habit was broken, and now I (or rather, the Lord) is dealing with my schedule.

I miss my friends. I actually miss having two jeepney rides, getting off in front of St. Luke’s, riding the trike to the gate of Rolling Hills Village and walking the dark roads to #51 10th St. every Mondays and Tuesdays, and first Wednesdays monthly. I miss hanging out with my KG sisters and my friends in community, the worship, the teachings, the laughter and the silly times after TR, hanging out by Lucille’s quaint stall, walking from ECR to the village gate.

And all the Lord has been telling me is wait… and wait in silence (am I such a loudmouth?! :p)

He’s also telling me something else, which my puny human mind can’t quite comprehend yet. It’s big, I’m quite afraid of it, should my hunch be true. I am asking for prayers: for clarity of mind, for wisdom and understanding.

Meanwhile…

Just do what I’m supposed to do. Continue with the race (or is it a fight?). Whichever it is, I am confident that I am not alone in it.

Oh yeah, I know how Joel Houston looks when he’s NOT looking like a yagit na magsasaka: really H-O-T-T *wink wink*

Video Post - The Freedom We Know

2006-09-21T17:38:00.000+08:00

The current song stuck in my head, now with visuals :D From the "Mighty to Save" album :) My favorite-est track in the album ;)You'll see why :D

Real Friendship

2006-09-12T10:45:00.000+08:00

Friendship. A term that over time has lost its meaning, or has been misused so liberally you don't know what it really means anymore. Shall we limit ourselves to the dictionary meaning:

Individuals in a friendship relationship will seek out each other's company and exhibit mutually helping behaviour.

What is true friendship? What is real friendship?

I believe it is

… when they go out of their way to be with you in times of sorrow

… when they know you’ve made a mistake and yet not blurt out I TOLD YOU SO’s in every other sentence

… instead they comfort you and make you feel that you’ve been forgiven and that you have another chance of making it better next time around

… when they choose to be your friends not because of your status or position, or what you can give them, but for who you are

… when they text you or call you up not because they need something from you but because they want to talk to you

… when they tell you if there’s something wrong with you, and tell it to your face, instead of making you feel like you have a very contagious disease and not talk at all

… when they will stick up for you whenever you need them

… when they manage to see past your façade and see you for who you are and accept that over the former

… when you can approach them, ask them to pray for you, and you can be damn well sure that you’ll be prayed for

… when something good comes your way, they will be genuinely happy for you

… NOT when people become your “friend” only because you can do/give something for them

… when you’re down and out, they’ll pick you up and help you pick up the pieces

… NOT trample on you more and rub it in your nose that you did something wrong

… when they don’t call you “friend” just for the sake of adding another name to their “friends list”

… when they value you as a person, not just another number in the statistic

… when they see you wearing a frown, and they do all they can to turn it upside-down, even though they would look really silly or really stupid

… when you know, deep inside of you, that you can trust them with your life, and you know that they will be there to catch you.

This is for the guys and gals who showed me what real friendship is all about. It’s not about the number of friends that you have, but the number of times you spend with the people you care about. You know who you are… and I love you guys.

For the rest of you… you can learn a thing or two from this.

Goodbye

2006-06-22T13:28:00.000+08:00

I love you.

That's what I wanted to say, but alas, circumstances doesn't agree with me. Now I must bid adieu, for I believe it's the right thing to do now.

Thank you for all the things you've done for and to me, albeit most of them you did unwittingly. I have become a better person because of you. And most importantly, I've grown to closer to God because of you (yes, you helped, trust me).

I know I have hurt you in the past, and I am really sorry for that, and I ask that you forgive me. But I have been hurt, too, but I take it as my 'pruning stage'.

If you need a friend, I am here for you. Don't hesitate to call on me. I wish you all the best. May you have a fun life.

God bless.

A promise I hold on to

2006-06-21T17:51:00.000+08:00

No man will ever claim you unless he claims you from Me. For I reserved a man for you, who has My heart and loves Me even more than he will love you. For I won't give you unless he asks for you from Me. He's asleep, don't wake him. He's busy for Me, for My Kingdom. Soon you will know him, but in My perfect timing. you're my princess, My daughter. Let NO prince claim you unless he asks for you from My Hand, for I am your Father, the King of Kings. You, My princess, are worth waiting for. I love you. - Jesus

Elaine, my friend and KG sister, texted this to us single girls in our community. I pray that all the single girls who get to read this will hold on to the same promise. Remember, we are princessess; we deserve nothing but the best.

Hosea's Wife

2006-05-23T13:56:00.000+08:00

I have made a commitment
To be Yours and Yours alone
To bask in Your love
And be by Your side

I was Your bride.

But the lure of the flesh caught me
And follow it I did
My commitment to You I broke
In Your face I defiled it

I broke Your trust.

Now I return to You
Repentant and ashamed
Begging for Your forgiveness
Begging for Your mercy

I love You
I know You know I do
I want to return to Your love
And be by Your side

Never will I follow my flesh
Never will I leave You again
I will be here for You, in Your service

I am Your bride, and will always be

I am Yours, now and forever…

EDIT (06.07.07)This used to be titled "Repentant", but I feel that the new one is more apt for this

Caught in the Whirlwind

2006-05-09T11:05:00.000+08:00

Things happened so fast. Just when I thought nothing's happening (or nothing will EVER happen) the Lord enters and makes them happen.

This is one happening life. Can't wait for more.

Work in Progress

2006-05-08T10:10:00.000+08:00

Things I need to learn:

1. Don't bite more than you can chew
2. If you're not sure, wait 'till you're called
3. Don't be an assumptionista
4. Don't be a Martha
5. Escapism is NOT the way to go

Hurtful Past, Hopeful Future

2006-05-04T10:29:00.000+08:00

To see is to believe, right?

That's my principle. I need tangible proof before I believe its truth (one lesson I learned after being duped by a school bus mate when I was in eight). So unless I see something that will prove something’s (or someone’s) existence, I won’t take another’s word for it.

This kind of insecurity has brought me much trouble in my 21 years, 2 months and 21 days of living. Because it’s hard for me to believe, I tend to try things out on my own, so I can see for myself its factuality. This leads me to do things: stupid things, dangerous things, scary things. I really must have a mission here on earth for, despite all the brashness and foolishness, I am still alive.

It wasn’t when I became a young adult that I came to understand and appreciate, in a way, the phrase “leap of faith” (thank you Theo and Philo!). Good ol’ Wikipedia defines it as “the act of believing in something without, or in spite of, available empirical evidence”. Oh well.

I guess it boils down to my lack of trust. I don’t trust easily ‘coz my trust has been betrayed before. In return I’ve also betrayed the trust of so many people in my life; some have forgiven me, some have not. But I have trust issues. It’s hard for me to trust ‘coz I don’t want to get hurt again.

But then again, Jesus has also been betrayed, by the people he most loved no less. We have something in common. He has been hurt; so have I. He is God and He didn’t complain; I am just a mere mortal.

The fear of hurt made me distance myself from people, even and especially from those I love. And because I am far away from them I don’t see them as clearly as I need to. Thus I trust them less. Accordingly, my need for more proof.

But as a Christian it shouldn’t be my case. The fact that I believe in Someone, and entrust my life to Him, whom I have NEVER met in person says a lot. I have taken a huge leap. And now this Someone is telling me to entrust other things to Him, things that seems to good to be true.

I know I don’t deserve all the blessing I have received and am receiving. Nor do I deserve to receive more.

But I DO receive the blessings, and He promised that I will receive more in the future. Things so big and grand they seem surreal. All I need to do is to take that leap of faith and abangan na lang ang susunod na kabanata. Just as Abraham believed he will be the “father of all nations”, just as David believed he will defeat Goliath, just as Job believed things will be alright.

Taking the credit

2006-04-11T08:20:00.000+08:00

When you have done all you have been commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.’ – Luke 17:10 (NAB)

When I was in Grade 4, we had a group skit for Home Economics class. I became the leader for this particular group and I designated myself to write the script for our presentation. It was about a girl who hated fruits, and her conversion (to loving fruits) story (Hey! We were a bunch of ten-year-olds learning about ‘go’, ‘grow’ and ‘glow’ foods). On the presentation day itself I wasn’t present to be part of the skit, for I was at rehearsals for the school Christmas cantata (how I became part of this production is also interesting, but it’ll be in another entry). When the rehearsals finished, all I caught was the last portion of our skit. I was happy coz the class liked our skit, as did our teacher. She gave kudos to the writer of the story; I was about to blush in humility when our teacher mentioned, not my name, but the name of my group mate (who also happened to be our class president).

I was flabbergasted (of course at 10 I didn’t know this word yet). I can’t believe somebody else took the credit for something I labored for so hard. It meant that the bonus grade would go to her instead to ME, the one who really wrote the thing. I told my parents, who wrote my teacher, and in front of class my teacher corrected herself and said that the praise she gave our class president was supposed to be for me. I felt vindicated.

If there was one trait I was taught early, it was to assert my right to take the credit for what I DID. I guess that’s one reason why I always wanted to be in at the top of things; it feels good to be credited for doing something. It gives life meaning and distinction. It gives power.

I became so hungry for that power and distinction, it became insatiable. If nerds have a bad reputation and is rejected in high school, I embraced it. I was such a nerd that I joined every single quiz bee or contest I can qualify, even if I wasn’t good at it. I joined a national Chemistry contest, for crying out loud! Not satisfied with that, I even joined beauty pageants! Of course, there are the student council elections. If I won’t be a beauty queen or professor, I can be a politician. Still distinguished, still recognizable.

What am I saying? I did all of those because I was UNpopular and I wanted to be popular.

But popularity isn’t what Christ came here for. In fact He fraternized with the unpopular: tax collectors, harlots, sinners. But I bet in Heaven humans were unpopular, too: we were the creatures who got booted out of Eden. We were the ones who had the nerve to turn our backs on the One who is sustaining us day by day. The angels must be so ashamed of us, heck they can even disown us, for all of humanity’s disgrace.

But Christ, the cool Son of God chose to be uncool by taking on the human form and, worse, being friends with the worst of its kind. Why? Because He loved us and wanted us to come back to the Father whom we turned our backs to, Who wants also us back, but sin blocked the way. The only one who can unblock our path to the Father is Jesus, who is the Way Himself. By dying on the cross, our sins were removed, washed away by His Blood; all we need to do now is accept that the only path back is through Christ.

For God so loved the world that He gave us His only begotten Son, we have, in any way, NO right to boast of whatever WE DID to be saved. We can’t take the credit for it; we didn’t do anything. All credit belongs to Jesus. Our only part is the acceptance of Him saving us; if there’s one thing we can boast about, it’s that we have been save through the cross.

Just as a servant cannot boast of cooking dinner for his master because it is the servant’s duty to do so, we cannot boast of our service to God the same way, for as His followers we are obliged to do so.

Reminder to self: everything I did, I did through Christ who strengthened me.

Season of the Sun

2006-04-05T14:40:00.000+08:00

Did you know that:

… talking on the phone can burn calories?

… “drafting” in the water can make you a faster swimmer?

… “Stoked” is surfer-speak for extreme joy?

… our cover girl eats like a man?

Hit the beach with the latest issue of Action & Fitness, the magazine for the life you really want! Meet surfer girl Lorraine Lapus, and get wet with our feature articles on surfing, wakeboarding, and open water swimming. But before you take a dip, check out our swimsuit section so you’ll sizzle under the sun!

Grab a copy of Action & Fitness at your favorite newsstands and bookstores now! For subscription inquiries, please call 374-6771 to 75.

Life is a Paradox

2006-04-01T14:59:00.000+08:00

How it is that someone can be so near and yet so far?

How can someone be right in front of you and yet fail to see them?

How can someone talk yet say nothing at the same time?

How can someone say something yet do the opposite?

How can someone be so open yet be so guarded?

How can someone be happy outside, yet crying inside?

How can someone love somebody else who doesn't love them?

How can Someone Wonderful give His life for someone like... me?

A Moment with Sam

2006-03-23T14:00:00.000+08:00

For a few minutes I enjoyed Sam Milby's company today. It was for the launch of Centrum's new ad campaign. Can I just say HE'S SOOO GWAPO!!! My officemate Angela's guy friend told her that Sam Milby's one of few guy's that he'll go bakla over. And he was correct. Bading kung bading! He even hugged me! Weeeeh!

But trying to look past the celeb facade is a really down-to-earth and nice guy. And honest. It's rare to meet famous poeple who has kept their feet grounded.

GOING GLOBAL: Elim Singles Conference 2006

2006-03-14T13:38:00.000+08:00

HEAR YE, HEAR YE!

I'd like to invite you and your friends to the conference of the year is here! We're gonna have an AWESOME time on May 19-21, 2006 at the Crown Regency Suites (Maximo Patalinghug Jr Ave, Lapu Lapu City, Cebu, Philippines)!!

GOING GLOBAL is the Elim Singles Conference for 2006. It is a call to action for single men and women to live their lives to the full. Going Global will give you a worldwide perspective on life, empowering you to support and assist in evangelistic missions in the Philippines and across the world. It is a three-day, multi-event, multi-venue conference jam-packed with talks, exhibits, media, workshops and accompanying events such as the urban adventure challenge, orientation and dinner at the beach, and the Going Global House Party.

The Going Global Urban Adventure Challenge (AC) is the accompanying event of the Elim Singles National Conference 2006. It is a six-hour race comprising a series of challenges that will position participants to overcome their personal challenges, test their minds, bodies and souls, and achieve their extreme spiritual pursuits.

For inquiries:
Manila T (+632) 722-6749
Cebu T (63+032) 234-4192

or you can leave me a comment or IM me at tennmann16 (Yahoo) :D Hope to see y'all there!

“Go into every part of the world. Tell the good news to everyone.” (Mark 16:15)

The Colt Under the Tree

2006-03-08T16:08:00.000+08:00

When they were nearing Jerusalem, at Bethphage and Bethany on Mount Olives, [Jesus] sent off two of the disciples with instructions: "Go to the village across from you. As soon as you enter, you'll find a colt tethered, one that has never yet been ridden. Untie it and bring it. If anyone asks, "What are you doing?” say, "The Master needs him, and will return him right away.” (Mark 11:1-3, The Message)

Supposed it was YOU who received those instructions, what would you do? How would you handle being in such a situation? To get the colt is, technically and legally speaking, stealing. Not only will the two disciples commit a felony, it would be pretty awkward moment if people saw them doing it.

And yet they did it.

They followed Jesus’ command to the tee and were successful in their errand. They pushed aside their embarrassment and fear and did what they were told. I believe that they are not dumb guys. But their faith in the Jesus was that strong and they were resolved to follow Him, doing WHATEVER He asks of them.

Obedience breeds leadership. A great leader is a good obedient follower. People wanted to be on the top without starting from the bottom, thus missing out a lot of things that can only be obtained if you reach down there. To follow is one thing; to obey is another.

There are two kinds of followers: those who do it because they want to, and those who had no choice but to do it. I don’t believe that the latter is lesser than the former; rather I think that this is even better than saying ‘yes’ then not following at all. I remembered the incident with the Philippine Marine Corps a few weekends ago. Soldiers were trained to “do as they were told.” The chain of command is something precious, sacred and disobedience is met with a harsh penalty. And yet a mid-ranked soldier complained with a move by his superiors and brought his battalion with him. This soldier may not have value the chain of command then, but his people did, and they followed him wherever, even though (let’s be realistic) they don’t even share his sentiments. They just did what they were told.

The two disciples above, however, were obedient. They weren’t following blindly; they knew how stupid they would look if people caught them untying the colt. Yet they did it, fearless of what the people would think nor say. They just did what Jesus told them and their mission was accomplished.

In both groups they were both successful in doing what was asked of them. The only difference was that whereas one group wasn’t exactly conscious of what they were doing, the other knew theirs, and the consequences of it, yet overcame their doubts and just did it. Major leap of faith.

And that’s what the Lord has been asking me to do. It has been quite a week for me, spiritually. Messages of faith and obedience, infidelity and rebellion are what comprised my quiet times. Stories of destruction, cities burned to the ground, men, women and children killed. And then after all that the Lord will come and restore His people, all because of His great love for them. But the obedience part was what really struck me. What I stated above, it all started when the Israelites began disobeying God.

I’m as stubborn as an ass (the four-legged animal dude). I know what I’m supposed to do, yet I don’t do it. It’s like there’s a Thumbelina-ish sized angel on my right shoulder and a devil on my left trying to win me over their sides. And most of the time I became a leftist.

Now He wants me, badly. I’m convinced that He really wants me to do what He commanded me to. As for the details of which I have yet to know. If you’re gonna follow God, might as well do it just as He prescribed it (a great “thank you” to Pastor Philip, the one who conducts Bible study here in the office weekly; his teaching on this was the first time that I was really listening to him. This’ll be another entry in the future).

I also remember my faci telling us that obedience is the greatest sacrifice. Now that it’s the Lenten season, we are all asked to sacrifice something valuable in our lives, in the same way the God sacrificed the most valuable thing in His, Jesus Christ, and how Jesus sacrificed His life for us, that we may be saved and won’t need to give our own lives.

If there’s any life-giving we need to do, that is giving our lives TO GOD, FOR GOD. Once we gave Him our life, He will give us His. And the life He’s giving is eternal, everlasting. Don’t you want to have this life?

Untitled

2006-03-06T17:23:00.000+08:00

"Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt."

Words that ring in my head
Looped for eternity
How easy for you to say
But I have to learn it the hard way...

It's hard to be in my shoes
When the poles repel
If only I could just click my heels
And be transported there...

There, where you promised I'll be
Safe in your arms
Your love wrapped around me...

"Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt.
Do not worry, do not doubt..."

I am just earth, you are the sky
I am just a speck, you are a rock
You are up there on the pedestal
How can I live up to your stature?

You are up there, high above
I saw you smiling to the crowd
Yet behind that smile I heard crying
The child within in anguish, in pain

I want to take away the pain, wipe the tears away
But I can't see you, can't reach you
My eyes are clouded
By my own tears

Wipe away my tears, take away the pain
I wanna be with you, feel your love

Soon.

SONG POST: Beauty from Pain

2006-03-01T11:06:00.000+08:00

Beauty from Pain
Superchick

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

When the Pieces Fall Into Place

2006-02-27T07:43:00.000+08:00

As I struggle in front of my monitor thinking of a perfect lead for this entry, I saw a carefully folded sheet of newspaper from the Lifestyle section tucked in the couch beside the computer. I picked it up to see an article about the 'lessons that men wish women would learn'.

Curious? Sorry but that is not the main point of my entry. I wanna write about perfect timing, and true to God's promise, everything happens in its appointed time. A few minutes earlier, I was praying for a good start for this blog entry, and at the perfect moment He showed me the newspaper. It was the perfect time for me to see that paper, which a few more minutes earlier I wasn't even paying attention to.

Nice timing, eh?

There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. – Ecclesiastes 3:1

It's funny when our plans don't go as smoothly as we planned them to, then suddenly circumstances happen and we see the bigger picture that shows how the pieces all seem to fit after all and something happens which is way better than our own plans.

Countless times in my life has God interfered with my planned life and in those moments, I benefited from His plans than when I had it my way.

A friend told me that she doesn't believe in coincidences. Things don't happen "just because," there is always a purpose for its happening. And alongside that is the perfect time when it should happen. The time when I got my job, the time when I joined community, the time when I didn't get something only to receive something better. It's all in the third chapter of Ecclesiastes.

…a time to love, a time to hate… - Ecclesiastes 3:8

Sometimes we meet people whom we click with almost instantly, though there are some that takes us eons to strike a conversation with. For the latter we wonder if we'll ever get that chance to go beyond the casual "his" and "hellos". Then all of a sudden things happen that brings you close to those people and before you know it, you are the closest buddies, as if you've known each other since childhood.

In some instances, such friendships climb a few levels up and develop from platonic to romantic. You see the person's other side, the one which not a lot of people know. If the person is a high-profile personality, it's quite a feat to penetrate through all the layers that the person has put on for show. And by getting to know him/her more you feel for them more. Then after much prayer and discernment, you make the decision to love the person, to accept his/her iniquities and imperfections, to love the person, warts and all. You reach the point when you know that this time it really is love, not just mere infatuation or silly kiddy crush.

But it doesn't stop there. Sometimes even if you're so sure about your feelings for that person, you aren't sure if it's reciprocated. Fear of embarrassment, humiliation and reprimand, even persecution, hinders you from showing them your feelings. The same fears prevent you from sharing the story to people, especially to the ones directly concerned. You say "it just doesn't feel right" or "I don't know how to say it, where to start." But then you see the green light and even though it's such a hard thing to do, you just do it, especially if He commands you to do so.

He has made everything appropriate to its time – Ecclesiastes 3:11

Waiting on the Lord is one thing that we should all learn and live by. Frankie may have wanted to do it his way, following the Lord's is the better path to tread on. "But it's so hard to wait," you might say. Yes, it is hard; trust me, I know the feeling. But dear old Confucius is right in saying that patience is a virtue. But we have to take into consideration that when things don't go our way, or we don't get it as soon as we wanted to, think that it's because it's not yet time for it to happen. Why? Coz either we are not yet prepared to receive that thing or be in that situation, and the Lord is teaching us to be a little more patient and hope in Him. The more we wait, the more we rely on Him to give us more patience. When His sweet time comes, all our waiting will be worth the wait, for the fruit of it is what is best for us. You can't eat green bananas yet coz they're not yet ripe; you wait for it to turn yellow and sweet.

The works of all mankind are present to Him; not a thing escapes His eye. His gaze spans all the ages; to Him there is nothing unexpected. – Sirach 39:19-20

Have you been praying for something (a house, a car, a boyfriend/girlfriend) for so long and yet you have not received it yet? You start to feel that God has put on his headphones whenever you pray to Him, coz you sense that He doesn't hear a single word of prayer that you say. Don't fret my dear. God knows the every desire of our hearts, even before we even utter a word. He loves you, he knows what you need and want. But there are just some things that are much better to be ours a later time, for maybe by that time we are more mature, more prepared for such things. He may want us to do some things first, like serve Him.

Let us make the Lord our priority. Put Him first above all other things. He will take care of the rest of your needs… in His perfect time.

Overtime

2006-02-11T01:33:00.000+08:00

It's past one in the morning, and I'm still here in the office facing my computer monitor. my eyes are bloodshot already, I can sense it, and in a few more hours we'll be on our way to La Union where we'll have a location shoot on a grand scale. I feel like I'm in some fashion magazine, not a sports mag. Though I'm not complaining. I'm loving my job, actually. Jen and I got to meet some really cool people since last week (thanks to their client), and, in true Freindster fashion, they all know each other. Ha! It's indeed a small world. I'm praying the weather will be fine later, with the bright sum smiling down on us and a clear blue sky with fluffy white clouds. Though I think I won't have the time to get myself a tan, I think I'll have a blast doing this shoot.

I have been so ngarag this week trying to oraganize this shoot that I thought I would never be able to go to. I praise and thank God for Jen and Marvi whom He gave to me as extra pairs of hands. I have been totally used to A&F's scale of shoots, and though we've had more location shoots than indoor ones, this one is different. I am quite happy so far with how things are going, coz I really am being blessed by the Lord. All credit goes back to Him.

I didn't have problems with the models, photog and make-up. All the clothes sponsors that Jen and I called up all agreed to lend us something, and we didn't have that hard a time with it. We even had a quickie request-and-pull out Thursday with Mojo sandals (called in Thursday at 5pm, got the stuff 10 am yesterday). And the people are sooooooo nice to us! They're very helpful, and they all know each other (hence the "small world" quip above). These water sports enthusiats are in the same boat :)

I tried (that's the operative word) to wakeboard last week in Taal (and I'm so grateful that my teacher was so patient with me even though, I bet deep inside, he wanted to strangle me for not telling them prior that I can's swim), and now the urge to try out these sports is getting stronger. I wanna have swimming lessons! I wish I can squeeze it in my schedule. The water's calling me.

Tomorrow we're going to surf land. Don't worry I won't be stupid this time. It's enough that I made a fool of myself in Taal. The peeps in La Union might've known of it, or will know of it, sooner or later, in one way or another.

It's already 1:30 AM. Woohoo! La Union, here I come!

SONG POST: Deeply In Love

2006-02-02T16:50:00.000+08:00

Deeply In Love
Hillsong United

In my life You`ve heard me say
I love You
How do I show You it`s true
hear my heart, it longs for more of You..
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You..

You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by You
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You

You and I, together forever
Nothing can, stand in the way
My love for You, grows stronger
each new day.
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You

You have stolen my heart
I`m captivated by You
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You

Jesus, you've stolen my heart
I`m captivated by You
Never will you and I part
I`ve fallen deeply in love with You

And They Were Called

2006-01-23T09:00:00.000+08:00

There's a stirring in the Spirit, there's an urgency in this hour. - from God is Moving, Hillsong United

Last Saturday my family and I went to hear mass (we always hear the anticipated mass for it's impossible to make my dad get out of the house on a Sunday. It's like his body shifts to "SLOTH" mode every Sunday). Anyway, the Gospel for the week (from Mark 1: 14-20), as well as the readings, all tackle one topic: servitude and the call to serve.

It was the sermon that really caught my attention. The priest talked about why, of all people, Christ chose fishermen to be one of his first disciples. He talked about some qualities of a fisherman:

• Work's time is inconvenient
When they go fishing, they don’t usually go to the waters when it’s bright and sunshiny. They leave at the most ungodly hour, when most of us are fast asleep. This nature of their work entails a lot of sacrifice on their part.

The same goes for us Christians. True service to the Lord is when we do it at the most inconvenient for us. I’m not saying that we be masochists and let our service affect the rest of our lives (now He won’t want that, either). It is the sacrifice on our parts to go out of our way, our busy schedules, and give some time for God.

It’s hard to sacrifice something, unless the one whom you’re gonna do the sacrifice for is someone very dear to you, at the very least. Yes, sacrifice requires love. Love for the one you’re going to do the act for, and letting go of another thing/person that you equally love. What’s the point of sacrifice if that thing you’re letting go off doesn’t matter to you that much anyway? It’s more like a ‘good riddance’ thing rather than true sacrifice.

• They go to the fish, not wait for the fish to come to them
Have you seen a fisherman fish from the beach? Chances are the only fish he’ll catch are dried fish drying out in the sun.

Just like them, we, as servants of Christ, should be the ones to gather the people and bring them to Him. We can’t just sit there and wait for the fruit to fall (remember the story of Juan Tamad and the guava tree?) We should go out there, share with them how great and wonderful the Lord is and, by His grace, make them realize the same thing.

• After catching fish they go back to the shore, guided by the lighthouse
After the fishermen have had enough catch for the day they go back to the shore. For the more sosyal fishermen they are guided back to shore by a lighthouse.

It’s important for us to remember that when we get to bring people to the Lord all praise and glory should go to HIM, not to us. Just like the fishermen going back to shore guided by the light of the lighthouse, so should we be going back to the source of everything, guided by His love and grace and Word. That’s what differentiates religion to cults, the priest said. In cults, it is the leader of the group that gets all the credit, turning into a very bog fans’ club. Religions, all glory goes back to God.

That’s one more trait of a servant that we must all have: humility. Let’s all be humble enough to realize that, even though it is US who did the work, in reality it’s still the Lord: our bodies, our energies, our intellect, it’s all from Him. It was He who sustained us, it was He who guided us, it was He who put the words into our mouths and movements in our limbs. That’s why we cannot boast of all our good works, as St. Paul iterates in his letters, for it was the Lord who worked through us. We are mere instruments. We are vessels that, if we chose to empty ourselves, can be filled by God’s Spirit to be used for His greater glory.

Come after me and I will make you fishers of men – Mark 1:17

Since a serious entry's still brewing in my head...

2006-01-20T08:32:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: July 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist.
A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around.
You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you.
You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people.

Your strength: Your devotion

Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness

Your power color: Lilac

Your power symbol: Heart

Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Lingering

2006-01-10T11:09:00.000+08:00

Have you been hurt so badly then after a few days that feeling is still there, piercing you? It sucks big time, doesn’t it? You want to run away from that feeling but it keeps on following you. It’s like a shadow that’s attached to you. The worse part of this all is that you’re a person who can’t let go easily, can’t get over something that quickly. The pain lingers, making itself at home in your heart.

It is true what they say, when you’re hurt by the ones you love, it sucks more (ok it’s not exactly verbatim, but you get my drift).

This is such a test of faith for me. How much I am willing to submit to His will. I can’t do this on my own…

Being a Loser

2006-01-09T17:40:00.000+08:00

To be "loser" means two things: either you're a failure, the most uncool person on the planet (and that's the most popular definition of the term), or you're someone who, literally, lost something.

It is hard to lose something that is very valuable. The more it is hard to lose someONE whom you hold dear in your heart. As much as we would want to avoid it, it's inevitable. Sooner or later, something or someone has to leave our lives.

And I am a person who has a hard time adjusting to loss. I become very attached to things easily. Three years ago our helper at home found a week-old baby maya bird on our porch. It looked so yagit: featherless, skin-and-bones, just like those day-old birds they sold by street food vendors, sans the seasonings. We suspected that it fell from the little maya nest that its mother built in between the small gap in our roof, just above the porch. Being the little sappy girl that I am, I took pity on the little bird and took care of it until the helper can put it back to its nest. I made a little make-shift nest for it, fed it bits of cooked rice and gave it drink. After three days my mom told me that it's time to return the bird to its nest. The night before the birdie's homecoming I cried in my room. I grew attached to the breathing balot chick.

Ok, that was just so... simple. And I guess that's what my fragile feelings can handle. I haven't really experienced loss on a large scale (unless you can consider losing two cellphones in the same year, but that's not counted). Never experienced a romantic heartbreak (it was I who did the breaking, bad Marley). Relatives have died, but I wasn't that affected coz I wasn't close to them. They're not really that 'valuable' to me.

Just recently I have become a loser. I have lost a friend, a sister, and a KGmate (oh, let me clear myself: she just left the community, she didn't die or nothing bad happened to her, praise God!). Of course we're still friends but the whole idea of her leaving us was something that is hard for me to accept. Once I have been used to having a person in my life, it's hard for me to let go (just like with that little birdie). Especially a person whom I have shared a lot with, one of the few whom I managed to open up to (when I am pretty secretive). I hated the fact that she will have to leave me; has our friendship no value to her?

As I battle with my inner bitch as to why people leave me (having a bit of Peyton-syndrome here), I realized something: I am such a selfish little brat. Once again it is all about me, me, and me when it’s not supposed to be that way. When things go well I have bright sunny days, but when things go wrong I go a-moping and a-complaining.

If it was God’s will for her to leave the community, then He has better plans for her. Malay ko ba naman sa mga plano ni Lord? Only He knows when, where, how and to whom things will happen, and most importantly, why. His ways are not my ways. Deal with it Marley.

Then I remembered Lani shirt, with the big, bold white letters saying L-O-S-E-R. And the verse after it: Matthew 10:39 - If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me. (The Message)

I am supposed to be a loser – lose everything I hope for, dream of and desire for. Lose all of these so that I may have a lot of free space for God to fill in. “Lose yourself, and I’ll take its place,” says the Lord. And what has I become? Such a selfish, bratty, sappy cry baby that has no one to think about but herself. It shouldn’t be that way. I should be happy for my friend that she has been growing fast in her spiritual life, and that wherever God brings her, it’s because He has a plan for her, a purpose for her being there and not with us. Though it hurts to be away from someone you love, I bet what I’m feeling right now is nothing to what God must’ve felt when the Son has to leave His side to save mankind.

Year-end Thanksgiving

2006-01-02T08:50:00.000+08:00

Year-end Thanksgiving

Though most people wrote about resolutions and their insights, musings, regrets, complaints, whatever during the past year, I will be writing about the things I have been absolutely grateful for in 2005. I have a lot to thank for, anyway :)

The past year has been a year of changes for me. Change in environments, change of friends, change of status, change of residence even. Though changes abounded, I still retained friends of old and even re-discovered things and people I thought I have long ago lost.

I turned 21 last year. For most it’s a big deal for this signals one’s entrance to adulthood. Here one can make decisions on their own without need for parents’ consent, a time when most are employed and earning their own money, a time when they live on their own. I am no exception; in fact that’s how I imagined myself to be when I turn 21.

This was made possible by the fact that I finished college last year. Graduation was one of the best things that happened to me, not only because I finished in a school known for its high educational standard (which I was so afraid of not meeting at first) but because it was the end of one phase (schooling) and a start of another (employment). I chose not to go to graduate school agad ‘coz I wanted to experience working (plus I have been studying since I was 2½, I want a break).

Speaking of which, I am thankful for my job. I have always wanted to be in advertising but He brought me in another direction. Though my acceptance of the job happened so quickly it took some time before it sank in that I am employed, I do not regret my decision. Action & Fitness only started this year and though the road was bumpy (very bumpy) at the start, things are slowly getting better (the fact that the mag was just starting made me stay). I am thankful for a nice editor, who is ever so patient with me. I am thankful for my colleagues who make my work environment, well, fun, to say the least. I am thankful for Christian bosses who, despite the busy goings-on in the office, never forget the One Who makes everything happen.

I am thankful for my sisters-in-Christ, we who fondly call ourselves the S.S. (as in Super Secret what the letters mean). My friendship with Lani and Zy started and deepened because of our common love for God and our search for Him. Our fellowship with other Christian sisters has been wonderful and brought us closer to Him. Though we may be experiencing different trials now, both in our personal and spiritual lives, our sisterhood have what kept us, well, sane.

I am thankful to be part of a Catholic community where I have discipleship and fellowship with other believers. I am thankful for my KG – my facilitator and my KGmates – for the sharings and insights, blessings and prayers and lessons I get from them. I pray that they got the same from me as well. For the new friends I met and made in community, as well as those whom I have re-kindled after my absence, I thank God for them. Though my journey to joining the community wasn’t easy (for a whole lot of reasons), it was what He wanted me to go, and go I did. What lies ahead for me here? Only He knows.

I am thankful for my housemates, for re-discovering my high school friends, for allowing me to live on my own. I have been searching for a new place to stay in, where everything’s accessible and fits my budget, and Cubao was the place. It’s near the office, near the community center, and prolly (God-willing), near my law school. The people I am with have been the most fun and patient and generous and wonderful people to share one roof with. Our friendship which was started in high school was deepened now, after years of separation in college.

I am thankful for my parents, for being supportive of my decisions, albeit with much loving advice. They know what is good for me, having been “there,” yet they allow me to commit my own mistakes and learn on my own. I am learning so much, and still learning.

Now all the serious stuff has been thanked for, I thank for the simpler things also, like CSI Sundays, One Tree Hill marathons, for discovering that Desperate Housewives is a good show after all, for the two-month vacation after grad before I got employed, for working, though for a short time, for a friend, for discovering that I can still be a rocker, at my age, for the wonderful Christian music out there, especially the Indie artists, for spontaneous movie dates, college crushes, prospective GBs, Singles’ Socials, animated movies which Lani has dragged us to watch with her, the 6th Harry Potter book, the 4th Harry Potter movie, discovering the Chronicles of Narnia, free movie premiere tickets, Starbucks afternoons with my colleagues, musician friends and their gigs, finally going to Singapore with my family, nearly filling up my Starbucks card and high chances of getting that elusive planner after so long, SoulStop and fellowship with Atid, internet chats and making friends with people overseas, for my online best friend, for my longest crush of all time who has become a good friend (and hopefully has no idea that I crushed on him, and maybe has some feelings left), for fun, hyper, God-fearing cousins who are so quick in growing up, Burgoo lunches and coffee shop talks with the S.S., hamsters, ducks, rookies and coffee and a panda with a pet dwarf named after a famous painter, for blogging and personal web pages, for donuts-and-bagels talks, tear-jerking love stories, for the location photo shoots and cover shoots, press cons in posh hotels and picking out clothes in the mall, finally learning to use the Mac, for being not quite a fashion victim, for the cute guys I’ve seen everywhere, for rocking worship every 4th Friday of the month, for the new people I meet (in work, in community, in events, wherever), for my first-ever adventure race and finishing 5th among 15 teams, for the good reviews on A&F, for my intro to photography and graphic design, for multi-tasking, the menial tasks I did at the start, for all the good, and bad, things that happened to me in 2005. I may not have reached 2006 if not for those.

For all the people who really made an impact in my life the past year, you may or may not know it, but I thank you from the bottom of my getting-fat-coz-of-all-the-holiday-foods heart. I hope that I get to show you my gratitude. Here’s to more fun and sad times, and everything for God’s greater glory. Cheerios!

Lost in Narnia

2005-12-10T12:12:00.000+08:00

I received what is prolly one of the best Christmas presents I have ever received yesterday.

Sir Manny called me into his office yesterday to tell me that he managed to get premiere tickets to The Chronicles of Narnia for that night. I was surprised to know that there was a premiere, much more that it was only a few hours away. He only learned of it the night before from a friend. He offered them to me, knowing I am the Narnia fanatic (bordering obssession actually) in the office.

After securing the tickets came the task of looking for a companion. Since the thing was so last minute most of the people I asked already have plans. What made it worse was that I only know a handful of fans like me. The Lord eventually gave me someone, in the form of Lyka.

He is so smart. The place was studded with Kapuso talents, most note-worthy is Richard Gutierrez. I didn't mind them much, but my friend did. Lyka, you see, was a full-fledged Kapuso. What made her night was seeing Lander Vera-Perez (there with his wife Regine Tolentino and their kids). She has been crushing on him since she was 12 and it was the first time she saw him in person :p heehee

I enjoyed the movie very much. I can't wait to watch it again (darn the MMFF!). I wrote a quick review of the film on my site. Check it out if you want to know how I found the movie (but you prolly know that by now ;p)

Enough of the Drama, Life is Short

2005-12-07T16:41:00.000+08:00

After almost a week of being down and cranky and angsty towards people who irked me, it's time to move on. If they can't take a hint, wala na akong magagawa. Bahala na si Lord sa kanila. Life is short, I might as well enjoy it. :D

Anyway, my real reason for posting is to 'promote' another batch of Indie articts that I have discovered this week :D

First is Robin Welty. Her music's a combination of pop and modern rock; her songs are, in fact, quite radio friendly. You can listen full MP3s of her songs on her official site :)

There's also Josh Hilliker. He reminds you of an upbeat Stephen Curtis Chapman. :) You can listen to some of his songs here.

There's also the band The Blackstones. Their music is like Jars of Clay meets The OC.

Oh yeah, there's also Jason Sweet. He's in the same league as Jeremy Camp, Third Day and Jars of Clay.

Most of the artists I've posted have their own pages in MySpace, The Spirit Radio, Grassroots Music and Indie Heaven.

I've uploaded samples of their songs (in full MP3, of course) in my site :) Check it out!

Let's Be Adults

2005-12-06T08:09:00.000+08:00

I believe I am capable of a serious conversation. I may be all jokes and stuff, but when matters are pretty serious it is better if we sit down and talk about it. I don't like guessing games and mind games; I am not a mind reader people. Heck, I'm not even an empath; but I am not stupid.

So please, if you have anything you want to talk about, just approach me and let's deal with it in a mature, adult manner: by talking about it. It will make each one of us a whole lot of good if we deal with this now.

Of Cows and Men

2005-11-30T08:07:00.000+08:00

I still can't fathom how intelligent people can sometimes stoop so low and speak the language of the cows...

A Memorable Week

2005-11-29T09:26:00.000+08:00

There are some days that you want to erase in your memory, there are just some that you want to go back to forever. The last week may have been booboo-filled, among others, but it's part of why I want to immortalize them in this blog:

MONDAY
After so long, Zy was able to attend KG. And since she was gone for so long, she made up for it with a proportionally lengthy sharing :p (love 'ya dichie!) The rest of the day was ok, with drafts finally coming in and the pressure of finishing everything by Friday. Oh yeah, I also discovered the wonders of a warm, fluffy shawl that my grandma gave my mom, which she gave me in return. I may have looked like a lola then, but I didn't care - it was warm and comfy and I love it!

It was also here that I finalized the teamn that will join the Tribu A-Mall-Zing race that Saturday. Team A&F was composed of Crystal Rebucas, Retzel Orquiza and me :)

TUESDAY
Inja and I went to a meeting for the sponsors and participants of the Chris Sports event in Megamall. Us, plus Sir Andy, originally planned to go wall climbing that afternoon to prepare me for my very first adventure race. Sadly, the meeting went a bit overtime, plus I was needed back in the office for there were a lot of production questions that only I can answer. Plus the proofs also came flooding in so I was forced to stay overtime in the office and miss TR.

WEDNESDAY
Lunch time, Marvi and I went to Katipunan coz I need to meet up with Marielle to give her her writer's cheques plus compli mags. We also did some minor marketing work by leaving mag copies in Starbucks and Seattle's Best. How I missed Katipunan! When we got back I once again faced the pile of proofs on my desk; my beloved editor didn't go to the office that day for he had a slew of meetings.

That night, Lyka, Yukee and I went to Gweilo's in Eastwood City to watch Naima's gig. My friends Mikel and Pipes were there with their other friends when we got in the bar. The last time I went to a bar was back in college. I missed my Tapika days with Yam and Kimmy and the others... That day was full of college retrospects. Naima was the first band to play, and the three of us got to see their whole set (although I was a bit sad that they didn't perform "Di Bale Na Nga" :p) It was sooo good to finally see Mikel and Pipes after sooo long. I admit, I missed these guys. And I am happy that after everything, we're still friends. Hey, please support them in their gigs! The band's NAIMA, hokie? :)

Oh, Lyka also had a surprise birthday plan for Yukee, the final version of which was to wait for Yukee to get home at around 2 in the morning (coz he had to have his clearance signed where he used to work). We got home from Gweilo's at around past midnight so we had more than two hours to wait, which was worth it for Yukee appreciated what we did.

Another thing, this was the last day of my contract at work! Time passed by so quickly that I didn't realize that I was already in the magazine for six months! Hehe... I think I'm on regular status already...

Wait, this is Thursday morning already, I better move on...

THURSDAY
We slept at around three in themorning, but I had to wake up at 5:30 coz I have to meet up with Sir Andy, Aaron the photog and Patrick, Andy's friend, for a photoshoot in the hills of Antipolo. Each of us had our roles to play; mine was to drive the Nissan Frontier T3 (haha! product placement!) that Sir borrowed. The last time I drove was two years ago, and it was just a sedan.

Up in the hills of Antipolo, I was 'driving' the truck while Aaron was beside me or behind me taking photos of Andy and Patrick. I am sooo grateful that Aaron was a really patient person, for he also acted as my driving instructor that day. As we were approching the really steep part of the hill, I was shifting between primera and segunda (dunno how to call them in English); when we parked somewhere to wait for the two bikers, the rear side of the truck was smoking, and there was a strong smell of burnt rubber. Apparently I overworked the clutch mechanism of the vehicle. Also I had a lot of stalls and dying engine moments, for I have a really hard time making timpla the clutch and the gas.

Bottomline is I survived the day, driving uphill with only less than three hours of sleep. And even though I almost hit a trike full of students when I overtook it, downhill, I got to bring us to where we needed to go. To add insult to the injury, the three guys with me were making fun of my "driving," with my boss imitating how I "drove." Well, I wasn't insulted nor offended; I admit it was really horrible! I am very grateful to the Lord that I am still here, being able to recount that experience.

FRIDAY
After a horrific experience, I decided that I will leave the office early so I can go have at least a 30-minute tutorial for ice skating, since it was one of the tasks. But the proofs prevented me from doing so, so I just lifted it all up to Him.

Since Inja took a birthday leave the day before (it was her birthday also), she and Sir James treated us to lunch this day. It was good, with yummy Pansit Malabon and Lechon Manok and Sansrival ice cream :)

In the afternoon Sir Andy discussed with me his evaluation of me for my 6-month stay so far in the office. I was surprised that he rated me higher than I rated myself, but of course he still pointed out my booboos. Even though it hurts, I accepeted all the observations and his suggestions, for it's all for my betterment din naman. It's always been said that "those who love corrections are blessed" or something to that effect. And I do, coz it shows me the areas that I need to improve on. It also helped that Sir Andy did that in the most "caring" way, na hindi offensive. I am really grateful and blessed to have him for my superior. I couldn't ask for a better boss (Naks naman!)

That night was GenRev Night. I met up with the SS in ECR na coz I needed to finish some more stuff in the office. When I got there there weren't mush people yet but praise God they slowly trickled in and the night was great! Remember the shiny-five-peso-bet I did in one of my previous entries? Well, let's just say I owe Lani four shiny 5-peso coins :p

SATURDAY
Since Lani and Zy slept over the apartment again after GenRev Night, we slept in the early morning once again. Which was not good for this day was the day of my very first adventure race. So sleeping for only three hours (again!) I went to McDo St. Francis to meet up with Crystal and Retzel. I am really grateful that at first meeting we gelled really fast; it helped us during the race. It also helped that Retzel's friends with the organizers, mas fun yung experience.

My failure to train for wallclimbing and ice skating got back to me; the two CPs where those are the challenges required all the team members to do the task. And, unfortunately, I had to skate and wall climb. My ass was really sore the whole weekend for I fell on the ice innumerable times! It was so embarrasing as I was doing those stupid acrobatic stunts just trying to balance myself on the ice that the kids while the kids watching me were gliding gracefully. It was sweet though as they cheer "Go Ate, you can do it," in their adorable high-pitched voices and giving me tips on how to stand up.

Same with wallclimbing. Since my upper body was stronger than my lower body (which is a bad thing) my body gave up just when I was nearing the last stone. Although I was surprised how my legs were able to puch me up to that point I still had to scream and squeal as I try to reach that friggin' last stone. I was also grateful that Crystal and Retzel was ever so patient during those two challenges, for I believe I was the cause of our delay. They were there cheering me to go on. It was also nice of Pe, one of the organizers, to go up the wall and cheered me on from the top. Haha!

After the race Team A&F placed 5th overall. Not bad for a team composed of a pro (Retzel) and well-prepared newbie (Crystal) and a newbie klutz (me). The night before a friend taught about reaching, and overcoming, thresholds. And I believe I overcame mine big time, the physical part that is. The whole afternoon was non-stop running and strategizing, falling flat on my butt, then run again, but it was really fun! I also loved my teammates, and we wish that we get to join another race as a team again :)

SUNDAY
With my body sore and hurting, I once again had to wake up early to take my Law Aptitude Exams (LAE) in UP. I was really nervous a bit coz I haven't studied AT ALL for this, when most others spend a lot in LAE review classes.

So inside Malcolm Theatre I sat and took the exam, which was easier than what I had expected. But I give FULL CREDIT to the Holy Spirit for my confidence in taking the exam. I would have not done it on my own; it was all God's grace, as with all of what I "achieved" this week. It was all Him, and I praise and thank the Lord for his Wisdom and Grace.

After the exam I met up with my family in SM North for our annual Christmas shopping. But since we need to go back before four (and I arrived there at almost one), I just helped my brother do his shopping (who was also waiting for me to, well, do the exact thing). But I was happy with the items my brother and I were able to buy for him; he sooo needed an image change :) After shopping, we heard mass in Barasoian Church, to the delight of Monsignor Flint, and had dinner in our favorite place.

MONDAY
Nothing much happened the whole day, although around 2 PM there was a brownout. We called up Meralco every now and then to ask for the status of the repairwork, and shut us up by explaining the status with whatever jargons the guy on the other end can think of. Anyway, the highlight was a few hours later, when, at 6:30 in the evening there were still no electricity. So we jsut decided to dine out, for it's such a hassle to prepare dinner in the dark. So my dad, my brother and I dressed up while we wait for my mom (who decided to go to the salon for she was bored :p). Just when the three of us were dressed already, the electricity came back. But we were set to eat outside. When the lights were turned, all I saw was orange: while fumbling for something to wear in the dark we didn't notice that all three of us pulled out ORANGE SHIRTS! All we could do was laugh so hard, and my mom was laughing hard as well when she arrived and saw us; thank goodness she was wearing brown, but we were urging her to join us and be our "ka-kosa" :p My dad's explanation for our get-up: it's our way of thanking Meralco for bringing back the electricity in our town :D

So that's my week folks. I'm sorry for the lengthy entry, for so much happened; I only tried to put here the highlights. But of course, if you had an experience such as mine, wouldn't you want to remember it always? Even if it's just for laughs? :D

Hurray for Indie Christian music

2005-11-23T18:04:00.000+08:00

Since the second issue of the mag is nearing its completion, I had time to look for more indie Christian artists... I'm starting to become a junkie here :p

One is Dave Pettigrew. My fave song is "I Will Follow." If you're familiar with Chris Tomlin, Pettigrew's music is like that: alternative/rock-y. Most of his songs are from his prayer time.

Another is Broken Vessels. My fave is "You are God." They're also alternative/rock, but most of their songs are of the praise and worship kind.

There's also the duo Bread of Stone. You can listen to samples of their songs here.
I pray their albums are already available here in the country... if you are thinking of what to give me for Christmas, you know what to get me... wehehehe

Oh yeah, I've uploaded Pettigrew's song, as well as three from Broken Vessels on my site. Check it out!

New Discovery

2005-11-22T08:42:00.000+08:00

I have heard people talk about him before, and I was like "What's the fuss all about?" But yesterday things changed...

I stumbled upon Paul Wright's page in here and got to listen to a couple of his songs... and my heart melted...

He's definitely in my Christmas wishlist (well, his albums at least :p)

You can check out his official site here

Looking Forward to Next Weekend

2005-11-18T17:23:00.000+08:00

Next weekend is pretty jampacked for me. Friday, there will be GenRev Night. I'll say I'll behave like lady this time (to make up for my so-un-lady-like behavior during GenRev Live), but I can bet my shiny 5-peso coin that i won't. The next day I will be joining my first ever urban adventure race, as part of Team A&F. That will be for the whole day. Then early the following morning I will take my UP Law entrance exams. Then right after I'll meet my family in the mall to do some Christmas shopping. I'm just so grateful the Monday is a holiday... :)

Heehee, can't wait!

Childhood Memories and Motherly Woes

2005-11-11T16:14:00.000+08:00

I was having lunch earlier with my colleagues in the office, Mikey,the youngest son of our COO, dropped by. He has a pedia's appointment in the afternoon and mommy will bring him there.

When he arrived he passed by us, eyes all droopy and gloomy, like he was perenially sleepy, and was dragging his body into the office. When he and his mommy went out to join us for lunch, he was listless. Mommy told us that he has "just cried" for he just had a fight with his yaya. I felt for the poor kid. Then Joy, the assistant here in the office, gave him his Chickenjoy lunch and after a few mouthfuls he was happy again and was making kulit about our company outing tomorrow.

As I was watching that change of temperament due to Chickenjoy, I imagine myself being in my boss' shoes, with a child that changes moods faster than a mood ring. And I'm both scared and excited at the same time.

I never experienced taking care of a child before. When my brother was born my mom hired a yaya because she has to go to work, plus I'm still a tot that time so, obviously, I can't fend for myself yet. Until I grew up I never really held a baby for so long. One, the grown-ups never trusted me; second, I'm afraid I might do something stupid that will put that baby's life in peril. Like the one time my lola asked me to look after one of my baby cousins (I was 11 at the time), I almost dropped him to the floor, which could've been a disaster, not to mention fatal (both for my cousin and me).

I have always said to myself that when I become a mom, I will be a better mom that my own mother. Since I was a really pasaway kid that time, I thought that it would be a good way to spite her, to get back at her for pinching my ears when she caught me eating chocolates in bed when I was 8. Before I used to think that any mom is better than mine, and I am envious of my friends' moms who allow them to go to the mall on their own or play outside. And my dear mama would always tell me that someday all the bad things I did to her would get back to me when I have kids of my own. It's like I'm being cursed or something.

Then I grew up, went through four years in high school, survived four years of college living on my own, and now, so far, surviving six months as part of the work force. Before I know it i'll be going towards the next phase in my life: courtship, then hopefully marriage and family life.

One of the SS' favorite topic of conversation is GB TALKS. Musings on our GBs (God's Best), waiting on the Lord and the prospect of finally meeting that special person that God has set apart just for you. For three girls who have not had boyfriends yet, the thought is quite exciting, but since we're in the Lord, we have learned to actively wait, and not just daydream about that person. Although we all wish that a particular person be our GB, God's thoughts and ways are not the same as ours (right on Isaiah [55:8-9]!).

I can't wait to get to that phase, though at the same time I am quite happy being single :) How long I'll have to wait for that, only God knows. But I believe that when it does happen, it will be the sweetest thing in the whole world.

Run-away Girl

2005-11-01T17:18:00.001+08:00

Have you watched the show Fear Factor? Yeah, I'm sure you have seen an episode. The contestants are subjected to challenges that are basically their worst fears (from the most disgusting to the most stomach-churning).

What do you fear the most? What do you fear more: the fear itself or the notion of facing that fear?

I fear a lot of things. I am afraid of riding ships, coz I am afraid of drowning, I am afraid of rats (oh wait, more of disgusted), I am afraid of losing my family, I am afraid of growing old alone, yet I am afraid to make a commitment, coz I am afraid of rejection. I am afraid of uncertainty.

I am no extraordinary case. I bet everyone has the same fears as I have. We only differ in the way we face our fears. How have I managed mine? Very poorly, I must say. I am a very good escape artist, though. When faced with a situtaion with a very uncertain outcome, I run away from it as fast as I can. I don't want to know what will happen if I move forward and face it. Most of the time though I regret my decision of running away because the outcome of the situation, had I faced it, was good.

Case in point: just yesterday I discovered that my wardrobe was turned to termite-ville. Somehow rain water seeped into it and the termites saw access to all my clothes. When I opened my cabinet and lifted a nicely-folded shirt a swarm of termites greeted me. I was so disgusted at it at the same time afraid to see the extent of the damaged so I asked our helper to just stash all the clothes in garbage bags and burn them the next day. I had the cabinet dismantled also, so now I am a wardrobe-less girl. My other clothes that were not yet placed in the cabinet was on my study table as of the moment.

Now this morning my mom and my yaya were rummaging through the clothes to see the extent of the damaged. My yaya suddenly discovered one shirt that I have only worn once! It was a shirt I bought in AMA Mall, with a pawikan (Philippine green turtle) print at the back, in very, very good condition! No holes, no damage at all! She just washed it and it was good as new.

If not for the 'courage' of my mom and my yaya to face the icky termites, they may not have saved that shirt. It may have been a pile of ashes now, together with the other pieces. Now my yaya's trying to salvage more clothes for me.

Hope you got what I was trying to point out (shallow the example may be).

There are bigger things I am afraid of. Especially afraid of rejection. We are all called to share the Good News of our Lord to everyone, yet I am as chicken as Chicken Little. I am afraid that people won't listen to me, won't pay me attention, won't even mind me. For years I have been telling myself that "I can do it, how hard can that be?" and I am still telling myself the same words till now. I also like this guy, but I dare not admit it for fear of what will happen if I do, and what my friends will say if they learned about it.

I have been inspired to write about fear for a few nights I have been receiving a very inspiring message from the Lord. "Take courage," the Lord says. He said that to Daniel in a vision (Daniel 10:19), He also told Paul in prison (Acts 23:11). The angel Gabriel also told Mary "not [to] be afraid, for you have found favor in God" (Luke 1:30, NAB). He has been assuring me not to be afraid, to take courage and be strong. Living in fear, for me, is also living in my comfort zone. I have been so comfortable in my present situation, because my fear of moving forward has allowed me to settle in, like sediments at the bottom of the sea. The Lord has been telling me to get off my ass and do something, but I am so afraid of doing so. Now he's been assuring me to not be afraid and just do whatever He wants me to do.

I hope that you will be assured with these words as well. It is comforting to know that whatever you do there is Someone to catch your back. He even said that "I know well the plans I have in mind for you...plans for your welfare, not your woe! Plans to give you a future of hope." (Jeremiah 29:11 NAB)

Whatever situation you may be in right now, I hope that you take the last verse to heart. Everything that happens to us happens for a reason, but all these happen for our own good (Romans 8:28). Don't lose heart when you're in deep sh*t. You can overcome it, don't be afraid. Remember the story of the Footprints in the Sand?

A friend once told me that he has never seen me depressed, but he has no idea how much I hurt inside when I do. I take assurance in the words I shared above. I may be afraid of facing my fear but I am not afraid that I am alone in what I undergo. I love this verse in Corinthians, when Paul says that "no trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:13 NAB)

I have been assured and re-assured. The Lord has done His part, now it's time to do mine. I will not be afraid. I will do whatever He asks me to do, "in Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Fast Feet!

2005-10-24T10:47:00.000+08:00

From the same publishers of SPEED, the magazine for the fast-paced lifestyle, comes Action & Fitness Magazine for the life you really want. Action & Fitness is the country’s premier active lifestyle magazine that features adventure sports, training, health, travel and leisure articles for the hard-working, hard-charging executive.

Debuting this month, National Triathlon champion Sandra Araullo and executive athlete Fritz Martinez dash on the cover as we look into why running is more than just a foot race. We’ll also get to meet ultra marathoner Dean Karnazes, the man who risks life and limb to finish his race in life. Be guided with our special Guide to Running Shoes and feast your eyes on the latest models out in the market.

Don’t judge a magazine by its cover story; there’s a lot more inside. Debunk the common misconceptions about Yoga, and take a fresh look at sport specific training. Discover the hidden treasures of Cagayan de Oro and Camiguin and indulge in guilt-free desserts. Plus take a peek at the latest sports gadgets and vehicles to compliment that active lifestyle.

Grab a copy of Action & Fitness in your favorite newsstands and bookstores now! For subscription inquiries, please call 371-6771 to 75.

Pursuing God's Best with Passion

2005-10-12T07:48:00.000+08:00

"I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." Isaiah 48:17 NIV

I was having a heart- to-heart talk with one of my sons recently, and I was encouraging him to not only pray for God's will for his life and circumstances, but to pray for God's absolute best. I told him how years ago, the Lord began dealing with me in this area, and challenging me to become all that He created me to be, and to accomplish all that He called me to do. I began thinking about how different my life would be today, if I hadn't made the decision to passionately pursue God's best in every area of my life. Perhaps I'd be working in a travel agency, like I did so many years ago. I might have been content doing that, to some extent, although I know in my heart that I'd never feel fulfilled--not because there's anything wrong with working in a travel agency, but because I know now that it wasn't God's best for me. And I shudder to think about all the lives I would have missed out on touching, if I settled for less than the Lord's best for my life.

The Bible makes it clear that our God earnestly desires to help us receive His best for our lives. But it also reveals that there are some things we need to do to cooperate with Him in this process. First and foremost, we need to have a sincere reverence for God, His Word, and His ways. Psalm 25:12 (TLB) says: "Where is the man who fears the Lord? God will teach him how to choose the best." As we humble ourselves before the Lord on a daily basis, seeking His will in every situation and circumstance, He will teach us to choose His best every time. Keeping an open and obedient heart when we pray for God's best is absolutely essential. Isaiah 1:19-20 (NIV) says: "'If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword.' For the mouth of the Lord has spoken." Having a rebellious spirit will not only keep us from God's best, but it will ultimately destroy us. We don't have to look very far to see the evidence of this problem all around us, even among Christians. Jesus wants, not only to be our personal Savior so that we can go to heaven when we die, but He desires to be the Lord of every area of our lives while we are here on this earth. One reason for that is because He wants us to receive His absolute best in this life, as well as in the next. Some Christians doubt that there is a "best pathway" for each of our lives, but Scripture reveals that there is. Psalm 32:8-9 (NLT) says: "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.'" Very often, those who resist the idea that God has a unique, specific plan for their lives have a problem with pride. Their refusal to submit to God's control dooms them to look back on their lives in later years with painful regret over what might have been. Last, but not least, we need to maintain a worshipful attitude throughout the day, every day. Psalm 34:9 (MSG) says: "Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all His goodness."

I encourage you to seek the Lord about how you can pray for His best in every situation, as well as in every area of your life. I like to put some of the Scriptures I just mentioned in prayer form: "Lord, make me willing and obedient that I may eat the best from the land." And I also use other verses to petition God for His best: "Lord, I pray that no matter what I plan, no matter what anyone else plans for me, that You will direct my steps and make them sure, and that Your highest purposes will prevail in every area of my life, and in every matter that concerns me." (Proverbs 16:9, Proverbs 19:21) I also ask God to guide me by praying: "Lord, shut against me every door that it's not Your perfect will and pleasure for me to enter, and open wide before me every door that it IS Your perfect will and pleasure for me to enter, and help me to enter it at the right time, and in the right way." By praying prayers like these with sincerity, I am submitting myself to the Lord's will, and showing Him that I really do want His best for my life. I don't believe that I would have a ministry that touches the lives of thousands of people on a regular basis today, if it weren't for my passionate pursuit of God's highest and best. Ask yourself today, "Just how much will I miss out on in this life, if I fail to pray and believe God for His best?"

Lord, teach me how to desire and pursue Your best for me in every area of my life. Remind me that You don't expect perfection, but only cooperation. Thank You that as I refuse to settle for less than Your best, You will guide me and guarantee my success!

from JesusFreakHideout Devotional

Raul

2005-10-08T11:43:00.000+08:00

My dad broke to us the news that Raul, a cousin of mine, confined in a hospital, is nearing death. Sad news, isn't it? Not for me.

You see, this cousin of mine is no ordinary cousin. He is a major pain in the butt. He is more than ten years older than I am, and he grew up in my paternal grandma's house because his mom is, well, a crazy (literally) vagabond. He was with them since he was a toddler, and my dad and his brothers really grew fond of him. The family provided for him like they would the other children. They gave him everything he needed, sent him to school. Everything came to him on a silver platter.

But he got hooked to his barkada and to drugs. He stopped going to school, stole valuable items in my grandma's house and sells them to sustain his addiction. He'll create commotions to scare my grandma into giving him money. When the money well dried up he became a drug pusher.

All the years of addiction and starvation eventually led him to lose his wits. Until the baranggay was forced to bring him to the hospital, the special one in Mandaluyong.

That story isn't the whole of Raul's life. It doesn't even scratch the surface. But all his years his life turned for the worse. There will be times that he will sober up and be all nice and good, even becoming a tricycle driver so that he could at least provide for himself.

I grew up knowing the bad Raul. My parents always reminds me to be cautious of the guy, to avoid him every moment I can. Eventually I came to fear him. And as he lay there at this moment on his deathbed, it is my fears that has numbed my heart.

Everytime I will hear him shouting and screaming and demanding money from my grandma, or hear newa that he has been causing trouble somewhere in the baranggay or in another place, I always wish that he is dead. He is better off dead. Better for him, and especially better for us. Good riddance, I would always think. And now that he is near death's door, I still feel the same way.

I don't know if you have felt the way I am feeling now: wishing someone be dead and not feeling a bit of remorse or guit over it. But I do. Once there was a rumor that he died of drug overdose, I wasn't happy but I wasn't mourning either. I was a stone. I was blank. I was really hoping he was dead, but it was a false alarm.

I wish our story has a happy ending. I wish he has repented from his ways and lived a better life early on, got married and had kids. But no. He chose to live that way. In the end it will be him that will decide his fate. We can't force a way of life on him. I still think he is better off dead and be over with all the hardships he's going through (or made himself to go through), and stop the headache and fear that he inflicted us all these years.

RE-POST: Looking for God in Harry Potter

2005-10-04T14:13:00.000+08:00

I got this article in Christianity Today. It is pretty interesting, if you ask me :)

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Harry Beasts
The animal symbols in Potterdom are powerful pointers to Christian reality.

An excerpt from John Granger's Looking for God in Harry Potter posted 07/15/2005 09:30 a.m.

Looking for God in Harry Potter
by John GrangerTyndale House,144 pp.; $16.99

Books that are rich in symbolism necessarily support a Christian worldview. The difference between believers and atheists or agnostics is that the secular crowd does not believe that anything exists beyond what can be sensed or measured. Everything is a this-worldly quantity. Christians understand the world to be a shadow of the reality of its Creator and that this greater reality—God—is rightly the focus of our lives. Symbolic literature requires—and celebrates—this otherworldly perspective that magically undermines the worldly, atheistic, and materialist perspective of our times.

This explains, too, why books that are rich in specifically Christian imagery, and symbols are as powerful and popular as they are. Tertullian said that "all souls are Christian souls," and Augustine echoed him in writing that "our hearts are restless 'til they rest in Thee." Since we as human beings are designed for the Christian revelation, stories that retell the Great Story satisfy the longing we are hardwired to feel and answer.

Symbols of the animal kingdomFor most of us, the connection between an animal and its symbolic quality is pretty clear. A dog embodies and radiates the virtue of loyalty; a cat, feminine beauty and grace; a lion, power and majesty; an eagle, freedom; and a horse, nobility.
But the animals in Harry Potter are not your conventional domestic pets or zoo beasts. Rowling has a rich imagination and a special fascination for fantastic beasts; she has even written a Hogwarts "schoolbook," Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, cataloging her favorites, A to Z. Are these products of her imagination symbols in the way eagles and lions are symbols?
Yes and no. No, I don't think a fictional lion (say, the one that occurs throughout the Potter books on the banners of Gryffindor House or the lion Aslan in Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia) has the same power to suggest "majesty" as a real lion on the savanna. One works through the sense of vision and the other through the imagination. But, yes, if the fictional beast is capably depicted, both contain the quality that makes the lion regal and stirs the heart.

Many of the animals in Harry Potter are Rowling's own inventions (although the Acromantula reminds Tolkien fans of the giant spider Shelob and of the den of spiders in The Hobbit). However, let's focus on traditional symbols from European literature because of the wealth of references that support the interpretation of their supernatural qualities. If there is a single giveaway of the Christian meaning in Harry Potter, it is in the uniform meaning of the symbols. The magical creatures and figures we will look at more closely are the griffin, the unicorn, the phoenix, the stag, the centaur, the hippogriff, and the red lion. Each is a traditional symbol of arts and letters used to point to the qualities and person of Christ.

The Griffin

I've found only one mention of a griffin per se in the Harry Potter books, and it is a detail mentioned in connection to Dumbledore's office. Professor McGonagall is bringing Harry there in Chamber of Secrets after he has been discovered next to the petrified forms of Justin Finch-Fletchley and Nearly Headless Nick: "Harry saw a gleaming oak door ahead, with a brass knocker in the shape of a griffin."

The griffin is described in Fantastic Beasts as having "the front legs and head of a giant eagle, but the body and hind legs of a lion."' It is an important symbol in the Potter series, though only mentioned once, because "Harry's House, Gryffindor, literally means 'golden griffin' in French (or is French for 'gold'). "So spell it Griffin d'or." As Harry is considered a "true Gryffindor" in Dumbledore's estimation, you can put a bet on there being great significance on the meaning of golden griffin for the identity of Harry Potter.

How does a beast that is half lion and half eagle symbolize Jesus Christ? Two ways. First, Christ is the God-man, so double-natured symbols are a natural match for him. More important, though, is that the two natures here are the lion and eagle. A beast that is half "king of the heavens" (eagle) and half "king of the earth" (lion) points to the God-man in his role as King of heaven and earth.

The Unicorn

Harry first meets a unicorn in the Forbidden Forest under the worst of conditions. The unicorn is dying or dead; Voldemort, as something like a snake, is drinking its blood, which "tonic" curses the drinker but keeps him alive. Unicorns pop up again in Ms. Grubberly Plank's and Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures Classes.

I remember as a young boy being taken to the Cloisters, a New York museum of medieval art in an authentic castle brought stone by stone from Europe. The highlight of the trip was the tapestries—specifically the unicorn tapestries. The guide told us that the unicorn was the symbol of Christ preferred by the weavers of these giant pieces. Though I was a child of no special faith (or sensitivity), I was moved by the images of the unicorn being chased, captured, and resting its head on a virgin's lap.

A check in Strong's Concordance to the Bible reveals mentions of unicorns in the Old Testament books of Deuteronomy, Numbers, Job, Psalms, and Isaiah. [Translations other than the King James use wild ox for the Hebrew word, reem.] One Harry Potter guidebook comments that "these references, to some scholars, indicate that the unicorn is actually a symbol of Christ." Scholars of symbolism as diverse as Carl Jung and Narnia expert Paul Ford confirm this interpretation of the pure white animal whose single horn symbolizes the "invincible strength of Christ."

In Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, the unicorn as a symbol of Christ is essential in understanding the meaning of the dramatic scene in the Forbidden Forest.
That the blood of the unicorn will curse those who drink it unworthily, and that it has life-giving power, echoes Paul's discourse on the unworthy reception of the Communion, which is the blood of Christ. When Firenze the centaur explains to Harry that anyone who selfishly drinks the life-saving blood of the unicorn is "cursed" from the moment the blood touches his lips, he does everything but treat 1 Corinthians 11:23-29 chapter and verse.

The Phoenix

My flat-out favorite beastie in Rowling's menagerie is Fawkes the phoenix, Dumbledore's pet. Harry meets him in Chamber of Secrets on a "dying day" when Fawkes bursts into flame and rises as a chick from his own ashes.

Given Fawkes's role in the defeat of the basilisk in Chamber of Secrets, Harry's draw with Voldemort in Goblet of Fire in the cage of phoenix song and light, and that Dumbledore's adult army in opposition to the Dark Lord is called the Order of the Phoenix, this symbol is central to any interpretation of the books or understanding of their power and popularity. How is the phoenix a symbol of Christ? In the Middle Ages the phoenix, because of its ability to "rise from death," was known as the "resurrection bird." Like the griffin, it was used in heraldic devices and shields to represent the bearer's hope of eternal life in Christ." A sure pointer to this symbolism comes in the climactic battle between Dumbledore and Voldemort in Order of the Phoenix. Voldemort has managed to get the drop on his headmaster nemesis and shoots out the death curse, Avadra Kedavra. Fawkes the phoenix dives between Dumbledore and certain death, swallows the death curse in his place, explodes into flames, and rises from the dead on the spot. The phoenix here, of course, portrays not only the resurrection of Christ but also his having intervened for us and taken the curse of death upon himself.

The Stag

Lupin and Black explain to Harry in the crucible of the Shrieking Shack that his father, James, was an animagus. Harry discovers later that night what form his father took: a majestic stag with a full rack of antlers. His nickname at school, Prongs, came from these antlers, which are the stag's weapon and defining characteristic. That Harry's Patronus likewise takes the shape of a stag gives this already powerful symbol even more importance.

Narnia fans recall that the Pevensie children in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe only return to Earth from their Narnia kingdom because they pursue the White Stag into a thick wood. Lewis points to their search for Christ as the cause of their return, because Christ is to our world what Aslan is to Narnia. Paul Ford, in his encyclopedic Companion to Narnia, described the stag as "a beast, the quest of great hunting parties, who was said to grant wishes to his captors. Lewis, as a student of the Middle Ages, would know of the symbolism of the stag for Christ" (emphasis added.) Maybe you don't see how a big deer can link our world and the Christian creative principle.

It's simple, really. The power of the symbolism comes from the antlers. Just as the phoenix is the "resurrection bird" because it can rise from its own funeral pyre, so the noble stag is a symbol of regeneration because of the renewal of its antlers.

As J. E. Cirlot writes in A Dictionary of Symbols, "It's symbolic meaning is linked with that of the tree of life … inexhaustible life, and is therefore equivalent to a symbol of immortality … because of the resemblance of its antlers to branches. … Like the eagle and the lion, it is the secular enemy of the serpent … [and acts] as [one of the] mediators of heaven and earth. … In the West, during the Middle Ages, the way of solitude and purity was often symbolized by the stag, which actually appears in some emblems with a crucifix between its horns."

Given this correspondence, it is no accident that when Harry first sees the stag Patronus who saves him from the dementor's kiss—the living, soulless death worse than death—he sees it "as a unicorn." The stag in Harry Potter, like the unicorn, is a symbol for Christ.

The Centaur

Fawkes is great, but my favorite character in literature may be a centaur out of Narnia because of his last words. In The Last Battle, the centaur Roonwit—literally "he who knows the ancient languages"—reveals to King Tirian the signs that calamity is about to strike Narnia. The king sends him on a dangerous mission, and Roonwit is shot by the archers of invading Calormenes he has been sent to spy on. But he sends this edifying, otherworldly message as he expires: "Remember that all worlds draw to an end and that noble death is a treasure which no one is too poor to buy."

C. S. Lewis, renowned classicist and medieval scholar of Oxford and Cambridge, was certainly familiar with the conventional interpretations and uses of the centaur as symbol. His centaurs in the Chronicles of Narnia are often of this reveling type, but in Roonwit's case the centaur is heroic and sacrificial in service to the King. In Harry Potter, similarly, we have passionate centaurs and one heroic example, Firenze, who saves Harry from Voldemort in Sorcerer's Stone.

The centaur is first and foremost a symbol of man. It has the head and chest of a man and the body of a horse. The head and chest of a man are man's will, thought, and spirit; the horsey bottom is his desires or passions. The centaur is a comic picture of a man's dual nature as angel and beast. When man is right-side-up, his angelic part tells the horse desires what to do, as a rider directs a horse; when the beast is in control, however, the belly of the horse drags the chest and head where it wants like a runaway pony.

(Lewis, by the way, didn't see the horse, the centaur's driving part, as a passionate creature, but as the desires [or belly], in alignment and in service to will and spirit [chest and head], especially when hoisting a human rider. "For Lewis, the Centaur represents the harmony of nature and spirit," Ford writes. It represents the reconciliation "of our spiritual and physical nature.")

The heroic centaurs Roonwit and Firenze are both symbols of Christ because, as caricatures of men, they are also imaginative "images of God." Through these characters, Lewis and Rowling refer to a tradition that links a man on a passionate beast with heroic, sacrificial, and saving actions: Christ riding into Jerusalem in triumph on a donkey.

The traditional Christian explanation of why Christ rides in triumph into Jerusalem on a donkey rather than a noble steed is that he wanted to show the hosanna-shouting assembly on the sides of the road a three-dimensional icon or symbol of the obedient man. Thus the donkey (certainly a picture of willful, stubborn desire) serves his master, Spirit and God incarnate in cheerful obedience. Roonwit and Firenze give us this scriptural image of the God-man and the rightly ordered soul — another symbol of Christ.

The Hippogriff

I confess to initially thinking that Buckbeak the hippogriff was another one of Rowling's mythological innovations—and a hoot. I had certainly never heard of one. Turns out, it is the creation of a sixteenth-century Italian court poet named Ludovico Ariosto in his Orlando Furioso. The original hippogriff, of whom Buckbeak must be a descendant, is a griffin/centaur cross.

"Like a griffin, Ariosto's hippogriff has an eagle's head and beak, a lion's front legs, with talons, and richly feathered wings, while the rest of its body is that of a horse," Allan and Elizabeth Kronzek's guide to the Potter books explains. "Originally tamed and trained by the magician Atalante, the hippogriff can fly higher and faster than any bird, hurtling back to earth when its rider is ready to land." Cirlot describes the hippogriff as "a kind of supercharged Pegasus, a blend of the favorable aspects of the griffin and the winged horse in its character as the 'spiritual mount.'"

Hippo is the Greek word for "horse" (a hippopotamus is a "river-horse"), and griff takes us back to the griffin. A hippogriff, then, is a combination horse/lion/eagle, or a centaur with a lion/eagle "top." We have already learned how the griffin in Gryffindor is a symbol of Christ as King of heaven and earth. As a griffin/centaur, the hippogriff, too, suggests Christ's divine conquest of the passions, as evidenced by his donkey ride into Jerusalem.

Hagrid describes hippogriffs to his students as "proud," but they are not proud in the sense of conceit or vanity. They are great-souled and aware of their virtue, which the ignoble misunderstand (Hagrid loves them dearly; he knows!). The noble—even supernatural—Buckbeak in Prisoner of Azkaban pecks the disrespectful and shameless Malfoy, is persecuted by the godless Ministry, and is almost executed by the Death Eater McNair. He escapes death at the hands of a world that cannot understand him (and that chooses to hate and fear him) to serve as Sirius's salvation. As with the griffin's and centaur's double-natured symbols, Rowling uses the hippogriff as a symbol of Christ, the God-man.

The Red Lion

Narnia fans have told me they do see Aslan, Lewis's Christ figure from the Chronicles of Narma, in the Gryffindor House lion symbol. I think that is a reasonable link, especially in light of the symbolic meaning of Gryffindor and its opposition to the Slytherin serpent. This idea, however, hasn't been "lifted" from Lewis—the lion, and specifically the red lion, has been a symbol of Christ from the first century.

Saint John the Evangelist had no need to explain this usage in the book of Revelation: "Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed" (Revelation 5:5, KJV). It is a theme of Christian literature and heraldic signs, consequently, throughout the Middle Ages. Lewis draws from this tradition both for Aslan (Persian for "lion") and Aslan's devotees in Narnia. Remember Peter's shield? "The shield was the color of silver and across it there romped a red lion, as bright as a ripe strawberry at the moment when you pick it."

The five Harry Potter books are full of alchemical imagery, and even if Lewis was unaware of it (the silver and red in Peter's shield makes me doubt his ignorance), we can assume Rowling knows what the "red lion" means to an alchemist. The "red lion" is the Elixir of Life coming from the philosopher's stone, the end result of the alchemical Great Work was a stone that produced the Elixir of Life (often called the red lion). This magical object, known as the philosopher's stone, gave its owner immortality (as long as the owner drank the elixir) and infinite wealth. Touching any leaden or base metal object to the Stone would make it turn to gold.

Historians of science, religion, and literature agree on very little, in my experience. However, they do agree that the philosopher's stone is a symbol of Christ. There isn't anything else in the world that promises eternal life and golden (that is, incorruptible or spiritual) riches except Christ, so the connection is transparent. The end product or aim of alchemy is life in Christ; English authors and poets of many centuries have used this symbol of Christ, consequently, to dramatize the search for an answer to death and human poverty of spirit. Harry Potter is no exception.

The Stone in the first Harry Potter book, in case we missed this point, is described as "blood red," a symbol of the blood of Christ received in Communion. The red lion, then, is still another symbolic point of correspondence between Christ and the world of Harry Potter.

Stacking symbols

Does it seem odd that there are so many symbols of Christ? There is a big difference between symbols and allegorical figures. Allegories are stand-ins or story translations of a worldly character, quality, or event into an imaginative figure or story. There can be only one figure representing the other, consequently, or it's difficult to translate; I cannot have two Hitler figures if I'm writing an allegory of the Second World War, or the allegory fails.

Symbols, in contrast, can be stacked up. If I am telling a fantasy story with a Christian message, I can include characters and beasties and events that all point to the various qualities, actions, and promises of Christ. If the symbols correspond with these qualities, even if they are not consciously understood as Christ symbols, they open us up to an imaginative experience of those supernatural qualities. A variety of these symbols woven into a story that itself echoes the Great Story will powerfully stir the soul because the heart is made by God to be receptive to this message. Our soul radios are always tuned to the frequency of the message.

The Harry Potter stories, in their formulaic journeys that end every year with love's triumph over death in the presence of a Christ symbol, find their power and popularity in the resonance they create in our hearts. We connect with them because they point toward the Truth Myth that saves us. The gospel has rarely, if ever, been smuggled into the hearts and minds of readers so successfully and profoundly.

Saying Goodbye

2005-10-04T08:44:00.000+08:00

Here's another devotional entry from the JesusFreakHideout site, by J. M. Farro :) It's really nice and I wanted to share it to all of you :) Hope you get struck as I did :)

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"Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be My disciple." Luke 14:33 MSG

This past summer, my husband, Joe, and I decided that we should let our ducks, Lily and Larry, have babies. We hoped that allowing Lily to have a family might spare her from the laying problems that our previous female ducks had suffered. Things didn't go quite as well as we had expected. When the ducklings arrived, Lily was hostile toward them, and we ended up having to keep them in our house. For two weeks, we devoted countless hours to their care. And we began to form a bond with them, and they with us. Joe and I both agreed that it was time to take them to a nearby farm that was happy to care for them. As much as it hurt us to part with "our babies," we knew it was the right thing to do, and we had a deep-down peace about it.

Jesus said, "If you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be My disciple." (Luke 14:33 MSG) I've learned that there are times when the Lord asks us to choose between Him, and people and things we love. In this case, He was asking me to give up my ducklings. When He first started dealing with me about it, I began trying to justify my keeping them by telling myself that they wouldn't be so time-consuming as they got older. Then I'd come to my senses and admit to myself that they had to go. At one point, I came up with a plan to give all the ducklings away, except one. I discovered that the smallest one belonged to a rare breed, and I began to rationalize my keeping him alone. But after seeking the Lord about it, He made me realize that partial obedience is actually disobedience, and I made up my mind once and for all that I was going to obey God.

As believers in Christ, we are anointed by the Holy Spirit to do difficult things with an inner peace and joy. Well-meaning people may say, "How can you do that? It's going to be so hard for you!" When I'm faced with these situations, one of the first things I do is to claim God's promise in Philippians 4:13 (TLB), which says, "I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power." God is not going to call us to give up something we care about and then say, "Good luck--you're on your own! Just do the best you can!" He and His divine enablement are going to be with us every step of the way. Scripture says: "Be strong in the Lord [be empowered through your union with Him]; draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides]." (Ephesians 6:10 AMP) Those of us who walk in close fellowship with the Lord will have continual access to the supernatural strength and power that our union with Him provides. Not only that, but we will have His supernatural comfort, too. Jesus said, "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you." (John 14:18 KJV) God's presence in our lives gives us comfort, especially when we ask for it. When I'm feeling the pain of loss or disappointment, I don't hesitate to say, "Lord, I'm hurting now, and I really need You to comfort me in a big way." God is not going to hesitate to comfort us when we are suffering as a result of trying to please Him.

Once we say goodbye to the things that the Lord asks us to leave behind, it's important that we don't look back or dwell on what we've lost. Jesus said, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back [to the things behind] is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62 AMP) Looking back will hinder our moving forward. The Lord always has better things waiting for us up ahead, and that's what we must focus on. In situations like these, I like to recall the wise words I once heard a godly man say: "Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost." This enables us to have an "attitude of gratitude," which Scripture says is our responsibility as believers. "Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be; be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18 AMP) If we are honest, we'll admit that we can always find something to be grateful for in every situation. What is the Lord asking you to say goodbye to today? Whatever it is, rest assured that once you leave it behind, you will be richly rewarded by a loving and grateful God!

Lord, show me if there are any things in my life that You want me to let go of at this time. Give me a keen awareness of how You've equipped me to separate myself from things and people that are hindering my walk with You. Thank You that as I press on to do Your will, You will lead me into the awesome plans and purposes You have in store for me!

Learning from Eustace

2005-10-03T14:36:00.000+08:00

It has been a moment of conversions for me the past few weeks. First I was turned from a pop-loving and r&b-grinding gal to a, well not really hardcore, rocker, to the delight of Lani and Zyza who, underneath their bubbly and lost facades, are ultimate rockers. I have also been turned into a Chronicles of Narnia fan, having borrowed the set from Lani. It is a loveable book, a children's book that captures the hearts of the young and young at heart.

After reading The Magician's Nephew, I was planning to do reflective entries about each book, what struck me and what I learned about it. But it was really hard for me to concentrate on one particular lesson. They were all good reminders, but nothing really struck struck me as much as th eone I will write about today.

It took me to the fifth book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, to finally get that striking that I was looking for. And it was really a striking part, both the imagery and the implication. No, it wasn't really an implication as much as a sharing of Lewis' own experience.

(For those who haven't read the book, I apologize for the spoilers that will appear on this entry. It is worth the read though, so I encourage you to read the books)

It was this part of the voyage when King Caspian, Lucy, Edmund, their cousin Eustace and the whole crew docked into a deserted island in hopes of shelter and replenishing their provisions, as well as repairing the ship. Since Eustace was being a big pain in the rear, he went away from the rest to rest and avoid the work. When he woke up he saw himself in an unknown valley, where there is a dying dragon. Upon the dragon's death Eustace sought refuge in the dragon's empty cave, only to find that it wasn't as empty as he thought. There was the dragons treasure: jewels, precious gems, gold coins. Greed overcame him and he planned of taking some of the treasure for himself, even wearing one of the bracelets he found. He fell asleep, only to wake to a new him: he was transformed to a dragon. As a dragon, Eustace realized that it was best to help his friends with whatever he can in his present form, eventually earning the friendship of the crew.

One night Edmund woke up to see a shadow approaching their ship. He eventually discovered it was his cousin Eustace, transformed back to his human form, although he seems more than just a boy. Then Eustace told him how he was changed back.

(This is the part that gave me goosebumps)

While he was sleeping and crying in the woods a great big Lion approached him and asked him what's wrong. Then he recounted his story and asked if there's any way he can be transformed back to being a boy. The Lion, Aslan, the creator of Narnia himself, told him to "undress" himself and dip in the pool of water nearby. Thinking that dragons might be related to other reptiles that shed skin, he sratched himself until all his scales were removed, then he took a dip in the pool. But when he got out he saw himself full of sclaes again. He tried to do the same thing twice more, until Aslan told Eustace to let Him do the undressing. And Aslan peeled away all the dragon hide of eustace, a painful but also pleasurable feeling, until he was just a tender lump of flesh, as delicate as a newborn child. Then the soft paws of Aslan carefully put Eusatce in the water and he was transformed back to his human form. Then Aslan gave Eustace new clothes. Eustace was a boy again, but not quite.

How many times have we stumbled and fallen down, and vowed that we will never commit the same mistakes again? And how many times did we still go back doing those very mistakes, despite all our resolutions and promises? It is hard to change ourselves through our own efforts. To do such a change needs a monumental power that can penetrate the layers of impurity and sin in our lives. Being human beings, we are limited. Our powers are limited. And because of our nature, it is impeccable that we turn back to our old ways that easily. It's like sailing on a nice sunny day then a storm comes that rattles our boat and no matter how hard we row so that the waves won't take us away, we still get taken away coz we don't have a strong anchor to hold us to the ground.

How can we have change in ourselves and be assured that this time we won't be going back to the same wayward ways we used to live? How can we shed our skins, hides even, and be clothed in new clothes that really show our true nature: that which is in likeness of God?

Simple. Let God do it for us. In a way, like a kid dependent on his yaya to clean and dress him up for school, so should we be dependent on God to cleanse us and give us new clothing. That's what He wants from us anyway, to be dependent on Him for all our needs, to surrender our everything to Him, and have faith and trust in Him when he leads us to where He wants us to be or what He wants us to do. When we have done that, only then can He come in the picture, remove our hides of sin and dress us in robes of His glory.

Easier said than done, you say. It takes a lot of faith and trust. You can't always have certainty in every action you take. Here is where the leap of faith enters. St. Paul said that "the fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see." (Hebrews 11: 1-3, The Message) If we can't trust God with something called our lives, what's the purpose of our existence here? He's the one who made us, why can't we trust the Maker of knowing his creation well?

I pray that you take time to sit down and think about it. Don't worry, you are not alone. There is always someone whom you can ask about the faith and of Christ, if you have questions. God's love for us is too big a thing to be kept to ourselves. Hey, "ask and you shall receive," Jesus said. He'll give you the answers you're looking for, He's the only answer :)

The Color Quiz

2005-09-23T10:00:00.000+08:00

Took this quiz from Color Quiz. It's pretty amusing :)

Your Existing Situation
Sensitive; needs esthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm intimacy.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics
An unadmitted lack of confidence makes her careful to avoid open conflict and she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective
Her need to feel more causative and to have a wider sphere of influence makes her restless and she is driven by her desires and hopes. May try to spread her activities over too wide a field.

Your Actual Problem
Feels insufficiently valued in her existing situation, and is seeking different conditions in which she will have greater opportunity of demonstrating her worth.

SONG POST: You Said

2005-09-21T14:56:00.000+08:00

You Said
Words & Music by Reuben Morgan

VERSE 1:
You said, "Ask and you will receive whatever you need."
You said, "Pray and I'll hear from heaven,
And I'll heal your land."

VERSE 2:
You said Your glory will fill the earth
Like water the sea.
You said, "Lift up your eyes;
The harvest is here, the kingdom is near.

CHORUS:
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you."
O Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light as it rises on us.

TAG:
O Lord, I ask for the nations.
(repeat as desired)

ENDING:
O Lord, I ask for the nations.

Copyright 1998, Reuben MorganCCLI# 785252

Seeking Counsel

2005-09-21T14:52:00.000+08:00

Last night during teaching, Bro. Willy mentioned something about "seeking counsel" before planning or doing anything.

Ouch!

Why?

Coz I'm the kind of person who'd rather do things on my own rather than asking people first. Whenever I make plans for whatever, I conjure the thoughts first inside my head ans one by one try to execute them. If I make a mistake, I learn from it and do it again. If I am successful, that's when I tell the whole world about it.

My philosophy about this is that it's better to fail on your own than to be embarrassed to a multitude. If I can spare the whole world from a whole lot of worry and trouble, then well and good. That's why I operate alone most of the time. I don't report regularly. I plan what to do when I get there. I always feel that the saying "cross the bridge when you get there" is so apt for me (but of course I keep it to myself).

I've had a lot of bad experiences wherein I tell poeple my plans and these plans get thwarted. I tell people that things are going so well in a project, and the next day something really bad will happen. Call me superstitious, but the moment I noticed that pattern that's when I started operating solo. Ayaw kong mapangunahan ang mga bagay-bagay.

Another reason why I don't tell people my plans are the varying opinions that come my way, the solicited and unsolicited pieces of advice that clash, contrast and cancel each other out leaving me only with a vaguer and blurrier idea. It just makes me dizzy trying to process all those information, plus the pressure (or notion of) of trying to please everyone with my decision.

Right now I have two major decisions I have to make. Used to be three, but I already did that and that decision affects the two remaining ones big time. That decision was joining a KG and officially joining community. The two others were investing in this business and applying for law school.

If before I do things without counsel at all, this time I did ask Somebody's Word before jumping into the river, so to speak. And I was brought to Psalm 27. When we were discerning about the KG thing we were given similar verses. But this time it's my own decision, own situation. I am really worried about these endeavors. I have been hearing horror stories from people who are either in a similar business, or in law school. Most of the people I've talked to have discouraged me from delving into such activities. But the Lord has been encouraging. He reminded me to just trust in Him, and He will take care of the rest.

Not bad for a counsellor, eh?

Well, we also know that God has appointed people in our lives to be give us guidance and counselling. These are our parents, teachers, reliable aunts and uncles, grandparents, bosses, priests, spiritual directors, trusted Christian adults. In my case, my facilitator also. That's what I need to learn to do, by God's grace.

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I now ask for your prayers for these two endeavors I'm gonna go into. I will need a lot of prayers and support to make all these work out. In Jesus' name.

Our True Standard

2005-09-13T08:16:00.000+08:00

I got this entry from the weekly e-mail devotionals by J.M. Farro from JesusFreakHideout.Com, where I susbscribed :) Wanna know more about the site? Go to Jesus Freak Hideout :)

This week's devotional is about setting our standards against Christ's, not of this world's. It is very convicting and liberating to know, but most of all, it is truly humbling. I pray that you will be touched by this message as much as I were. God bless!

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"For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." Romans 8:29 NIV

The other day, I heard from a young man who writes me occasionally for prayer and encouragement. He was going through some severe trials, and as he began to express his growing discouragement and frustration, he said things like--"I'm a good person. I'm better than most people. I don't do half the things that other people do." When I told him that his focus was wrong, and that instead of comparing himself to others, he should compare himself to Christ, he was stunned. Suddenly, his subtle "God owes me" attitude evaporated, and his sense of pride gave way to humility.

The Bible makes it clear that the Christian's standard should be Christ Himself, and that God's priority is for His children to be conformed to the image of His Son. Romans 8:29 (NIV) says, "For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." Scripture also tells us that believers "are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV) Our degree of cooperation with the Holy Spirit will help determine the speed and extent of this transformation. The more sensitive and obedient we are to the Spirit's leading on a day-to-day basis, the more spiritual progress we will make, and the more we will accomplish for the kingdom of God. We will never attain perfection in this life, but perfection should be our goal. The apostle Paul wrote, "Aim for perfection." (2 Corinthians 13:11 NIV) Although a spiritual giant, Paul freely admitted that he had a long way to go to become like Christ, but that didn't stop him from pressing on. In Philippians 3:12 (MSG) he says: "I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be." While God does not expect us to model perfection, He does expect us to model growth.

In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul condemns those who were setting their own standards of measurement, instead of using God's. He says: "Not that we [have the audacity to] venture to class or [even to] compare ourselves with some who exalt and furnish testimonials for themselves! However, when they measure themselves with themselves and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding and behave unwisely." (2 Corinthians 10:12 AMP) When we measure ourselves against ourselves, or against others, we may become puffed up with pride because we think we're superior somehow. But measuring ourselves by God's standards can be wonderfully pride-deflating, which can lead to our treating people better, and our having a teachable spirit before the Lord. Paul goes on to say: "For [it is] not [the man] who praises and commends himself who is approved and accepted, but [it is the person] whom the Lord accredits and commends." (2 Corinthians 10:18 AMP) We should always be focused on seeking God's approval, rather than the approval of others, or even ourselves. This will protect us from becoming self-satisfied and self-righteous, as well as from becoming people-pleasers.

Some statements that we should watch out for in our speech are: "I'm not as bad as..." or "I'm better than..." or "At least I don't... or "I would never..." Statements like these could indicate that we're measuring ourselves against others, instead of Christ. We would be wise to monitor our thoughts in this area, too. Do we ever think to ourselves--"I'm a better parent, grandparent, son, daughter, sister, brother, worker, employee, manager, boss, neighbor, Christian, minister, preacher, writer, musician, artist..."? These are thoughts saturated with pride, and they are offensive to God. Do you want to fulfill your God-given purpose and potential in this life? Then you must make it your goal to "become more and more like [Christ]" all the time. (2 Corinthians 3:18 NLT) Make Jesus your standard, and lay hold of the life of victory, abundance, and purpose that He has in store for you!

Lord, please forgive me for the times I elevated myself at the expense of others in thought, word, or deed. When I'm tempted to be arrogant or self-righteous, remind me that Christ is to be my true standard, and that next to Him, I have no basis for pride. Thank You that as I set my sights on becoming more like Jesus, I will reap the heavenly and earthly rewards of a Christ-centered life!

SONG POST: In Me

2005-09-12T13:57:00.001+08:00

I'm not really good at poetry (OK, I suck at it!), so I resort to intellectual borrowing. Their works speak to me anyways, so I guess whatever the author wanted to get out of writing it, it must be working.

This one's from the raddest Christian rock group ever *Yeah baby!*, Kutless (link can be found under the LINKS column). Yes, I am a rocker chick now... what can I do, I like their sound. And I'm glad the Soul Sisters love them also. Rock on!

In Me
Kutless

Where were you last night when the party was on
Where were you when we all went down to the bar
It seems you have changed from us all
It seems you have changed

You want to know,
The differences beteween us
You want to know,
Why these things have changed
You've got to know the
One who lives in me
He lives in me, in me

Only seven days ago
I let go of my life
Yes I gave it all
I let go of all I used to do
And gave it all away

You want to know,
The differences between us
You want to know,
Why these things have changed
You've got to know the
One who lives in me
He lives in me, in me He lives in me, in me
He lives.....

You want to know,
The differences beteween us
You want to know,
Why these things have changed
You've got to know the
One who lives in me
He lives in me, in me in me, in me

SONG POST: Invade

2005-09-01T09:50:00.000+08:00

INVADE
Music by Jason and Janelle Reinhart
Lyrics by Janelle Reinhart

Sitting on the curb, just-a reading the Word
Waiting for the bus to pick me up
Filling my mind with the words of life
Learning to be a witness of Your love
So I can give a reason for the hope I’ve got
My life will be a living diary
Of the love you’ve written on the pages of my life
That now make lovely poetry that surely testifies
Of Your ever-loving goodness and Your mercy
Cuz I want more of you and less of me

Invade my thoughts
Dive into my soul
Permeate my heart
Lord take control
Invade my thoughts
Consume all of me
Rain down your love
And set me free

Oh Lord help me walk the talk
Teach me to obey and learn to walk away
From the evil thoughts
That invade my heart
Help me to grow in holiness
So I can live in love and righteousness
That I may be a living tapestry
Of all the goodness you’ve weaved in my life
That now make pretty colored patterns that testify
of your ever-loving goodness and your mercy
Cuz I want more of you and less of me

In You I live, in You I move
In You I have my being

My Old Banduria

2005-08-30T09:12:00.000+08:00

Saturday night our HR director texted to tell us that we will be having a mini-program during the anniversary luncheon today. And part of the tradition are special numbers from the newbies in the office. My first thought was "WTF?! This is so grade school!"

But of course that's me: complain first then eventually obey. I was thinking hard of what I can contribute to the program, one which is least damaging to my dignity, when my feet brought me to the cabinet atop my wardrobe. It is kinda high for me so I used it to stash stuff that I know will occupy it for a looong time. And in there gathering dust is my old banduria.

I played played banduria when I was a freshman in high school. I joined the Rondalla because I don't want to take up PE. Funnee I didn't play any instrument before this (I took up piano lessons before but I was so tamad to continue it so i stopped, which I regret up to this day; anyway, piano doesn't count). Luckily I was able to tag my friends my join also. I did this for four years. We played in every program and event imaginable that was held in the University. We were even asked to play outside the campus: once in Expo Filipino, when the King and Queen of Spain arrived in 1998, then in the small airport in Plaridel, Bulacan for some event. It was the centenary of Philippine independence so to be Filipiniana is so in.

Seeing my banduria brought back so many memories in high school. The joy, the tears, the fun times, the scary ones, the embarrasing and the kilig moments. One particular memory tugged my heart though. And this memory is very special and valuable to me. It was when I first met my Lord and Savior.

When I was in grade school I studied in a Catholic school. For seven years I grew up with nuns and in a very Catholic environment. But during those seven years I was nowhere near being a little good Catholic girl. All imaginable offenses I did back then. I swear, I brought so much tears to my parents' eyes 'coz I am such a suwail and pasaway kid.

So high school, one can say that I am dry, spiritually dry. There is something that is lacking in me, I can feel it but I didn't know what. Then God gave me a barkada-one thing that I've been wanting in grade school. What's unexpected was that our group was so diverse in a lot of aspects, but most especially in religions. We're all Christians but from different denominations: one is a born-again Christian, one is Methodist, the rest are Catholics.

It was here in high school that I attended a real Bible study. It was headed by my Filipino teacher who was part of Jesus Is Lord church. We have it after classes. I remember during the fair week that she had us watch films about the rapture, made in the sixties or seventies i think. I had the scare of my life coz of the graphic nature of the film. Anyway, I'm digressing again.

In summer of 2000 my uncle's family joined CCF. That summer there will be a high school camp, and it'll be the first time that my two cousins SR and Philip, the ones who followed after me, will attend. They invited me to the camp so my two cousins will have company at the same time that I may have a different summer. I was turning 16 then. And it was during that camp that I received our Lord Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

A year after, summer of 2001, Edlyn, my Protestant barkada asked me if I could teach summer Bible school to the children in their area. Since I wasn't doing anything then I agreed and had a blast! I continued teaching for two more years. Only stopped when I had summer school for Math 12 and my practicum.

The same year, another friend invited me to join YFC-Ateneo. I had camp with them, and re-accepted Christ as my Savior. I was pretty active in YFC then and I continued to grow in the faith.

2002 was a memorable year for Ateneans for that was when the Blue Eagles won the championship after so long. It was also memorable for me coz it was when Kimmy invited me to attend bible study that CCF held in school. It was pretty special coz Paul Tanchi was then the teacher. After the championship we attended again, and the following sem Lani and I became regulars. It was during that semester that we were assigned to a discipler. Bobbi was one of the best things that God brought into my life. It was with her that I learned true discipleship, and she really helped me with my spiritual growth. The difference in religion didnn't hinder us from talking about God and growing together.

The following year I was introduced to GenRev thru the media. First sem of SY 2003-2004, the Campus Catalysts program was launched and Ateneo was one of the first schools, since there're a number of GenRev-ers in Ateneo. I was active there, at the same time continued discipleship with Bobbi. The following sem Bobbi graduated and so Lani and I transferred to the discipleship group of her bestfriend Atid, who handles Kimmy and Zyza (see my entry "The Core").

Then 2004 the bible studies in school got a little gulo for many reasons, and it was good timing that GenRev Ateneo also started during that time. At this point Lani, Zy and I have grown to become Soul Sisters, bonded by our love for and love of Christ. We continued attending GenRev Ateneo, then GenRev Night every month, which eventually led to Team Revival gatherings. Two weeks ago we made a big step when we applied for a Koinonia group. Three days after that Zy and I already have a KG; Lani's still in the discernment process as I write.

----------

This is the latest chapter of my life. The next chapters are yet to be determined; only God knows what will happen.

I remember one saying that we are like a string instrument, and God is the player. We cannot make beautiful music unless we allow Him to pluck our strings. The same way that I pluck each string of my banduria in order to produce music, it is only with Him that we can really bring out our best, and only He can bring out the best in us. The banduria can't play itself. We are nothing without Him.

In his mind a man plans his course, but the LORD directs his steps. - Proverbs 16:9
Yet, O LORD, you are our father; we are the clay and you the potter: we are all the work of your hands. - Isaiah 64:7

In Good Times

2005-08-25T09:31:00.000+08:00

It has been really busy for me the past few weeks. It started when the primer of A&F went to the gruelling process of drafting, correction, implementing corrections, layout changes, and other prodcution stuff. Even though I had a pretty thorough exposure to magazine production back in my practicum in Gadgets, the system in SPEED is very different (they have a system. period.)
And since I am NOT in SPEED, but in a new magazine whose first issue would be the make-or-break point of its continuation, the pressure was there to make the primer and the maiden issue really "scream" (using our CEO's terminology).

The primer is out now, together with the August issue of SPEED (in case you want a copy :p), and now we're nearly finished with the layout of the first mag. The maiden ish is more challenging 'coz it has more pages, for starters. 104 pages is a big jump from the 24-pager primer. and to think there's only my editor and I who is working fulltime on it (my boss is out of the office pa most of the time so I'm left to handle the magazine).

I'm so happy when I hear good feedback about A&F. I've been with the company for only 3 months, and when I started I know nothing of the magazine I'm going to work in, except that it's a sporty lifestyle mag. In those 3 months I've seen the mag evolve into what it is now. Now I consider this "my baby". It is really hard to separate the professional from the personal in the workplace, but when you've poured out your all and given your best to something, it tends to become a part of you. You make it personal.

I've been so into my work the past weeks that I've been staying longer hours in the office than usual (read: no social life). The three-day weekend, therefore, was such a blessing to me. I spent the whole day, Friday, with Chad Michael Murray and James Laffery (I had a One Tree Hill Season 1 marathon... heehee. Can anyone say HOTTIES GALORE?) An absolute brainless activity: no thinking, no effort, just me on my bed and my roomie's laptop.

Saturday was a fun time also. Lani, Zy and I met up in Gateway coz we're gonna atten the Elim Singles Table Talk later that evening in Burgoo in Gateway. After two weeks the three of us got to get together again, exchange stories and laugh at the most mundane stuff, usually involving snails and hamsters. The whole night we introduced some of the Elim Singles to the very profound and mind-boggling "Doughnut Talks." :p

After the fun weekend I was back to work. When in my earlier entries I was kinda sorta complaining that I don't have anything to do in the office, now I do a lot of stuff! In all of these, inactivity or business, it's God's grace that saw me through it. Before I couldn't imagine myself doing so much work that is intended for two or more people-but I do.

It's been a really nice experience this is, my work. I love what I do, I'm enjoying myself even though the demand and stress are high. I was blessed to have really nice colleagues, a kind, forgiving and patient editor, and Godly bosses. The compensation may mot be much, but I was blessed naman with thriftiness. It may seem that I spend a big chunk of my time in my work, but in reality I have spare time in my hands. If I was in an ad agency, I won't have weekends to spend with my family and friends. I may not be able to have Saturday mass and dinner with my family or Elim Singles events. I may not have my Sunday CSI marathons. And for all of these I am really thankful :)

For every man, moreover, to eat and drink and enjoy the fruit of all his labor is a gift of God - Ecclesiastes 3:13

Respect the work of others

2005-08-01T13:27:00.000+08:00

Photo credit: Kai Huang http://www.hungryalien.com

Poison Letters

2005-07-14T09:49:00.000+08:00

I am listening to the new album of Hillsong United as I type this entry. It is a nice album. At this point I am listening at the fifth track. So far I like two songs, "Salvation Is Here" and "Tell The World". By the time I finish this entry I would've finished this album.

No, this won't be an album review for "Look To You", although that ain't a bad idea. I just felt like mentioning it here because listening to a new album is a new experience for me. And new experiences are worth writing about.

Speaking of experiences, lately I have been talking about my college life, experiences and friends. I think it's about time I write something about my high school, the most memorable phase in any one's life (like ever).

I have a "rollercoaster" educational experience. My parents wanted me to have a good start, so they enrolled me in a Catholic school, Holy Spirit Academy of Malolos. It was a nice school, and I admit that I learned things there that helped me in high school, although my experience there was something that I allowed selective amnesia to devour. I can only remember a handful of memories from the seven years that I studied there.

The grade school there was co-ed, meaning we have guys with us. The high school back then was still exclusive. I didn't want to study in that environment, all girls, no boys. I didn't want that. So I asked my parents to transfer me to another school. And the best secondary school that I could go to there is Bulacan State University.

From private to public, Catholic to secular. Did I have a hard time adjusting to the new environment? Not really. I enjoyed the new place, the new uniform, the new people. Well, it helped that a good number of us from HSAM transferred to BSU, so at least I know a few people already there.

But there were people whom I don't know yet. And I got to know them the hard way.
My mom used to teach in the high school but was promoted to teach in the college department way before I enter high school. The people there know that she is the wife of a trial court judge. And I so HATE it when people automatically assume that because both my parents are professionals that we are a rich family. The moment I stepped in there, I had classmates who were surprised that I commuted to school! News flash - I am no princess!

But I've got to understand them. Compared to most of my classmates, we would really look like were part of the alta sociedad. Although I wasn't really ostracized because of my status, I still felt that there was still this gap between us. That gap remained even after graduation day.
That degree of separation I have was not limited only to my batch mates, but to the upper classmen as well.

I had an aunt who was a member of this private organization who conducts 'exchange student' programs of sort among its members, and their relatives. Since I was the eldest grandchild and pamangkin I was the first one to avail of such privelege (I went to Malaysia). And even though we've been trying to hide my trip from the people, it still leaked out, and the whole school knew where I was. When I came back, I was welcomed with glares and whispers. They though that the school has sent me to Malaysia. They didn't know that the only thing the school did was allow me to go. The fourth year students were silently protesting that the top student in their bact should've been the one sent on that trip, that I was such a spoiled brat, that for a freshie I was so presko. It was really tough.

Have you ever experienced receiving unsigned letters from someone and telling derogatory things about you? I did. The messenger, Earl, is one batch higher than me. And I really have this sneaking suspiscion that their whole batch knows who was behind those letters. What was inside? One heavily-stapled letter said something like Ang kapal ng mukha mong sumali ng choir boses palaka ka naman! (How dare you join the choir, you sound like a frog). Another one said Ang bantot na nga ng boses mo, pati ba naman kilikili mo? (Your voice already stinks, so does your armpits).

I am a sensitive person. Even though I put up the facade that I wans't affected by all that, in reality I was. I was crying day ang night to my mom, asking why they are so mean to me, when I wasn't doing anything (deliberate or not) to hurt them in any way. In fact I was trying to be friends with them. My mom told me that they may just be envious of me, and I was internally rolling my eyes everytime I see them, thinking "Was it my fault that I was born into the family I was in now?" and "You don't know me that well to judge me."

I am not perfect person, I have a lot of flaws. But I am not deliberately placing myself on the dark side. A friend of mine, BJ, told us in one of his bible study teachings that the Chritian life is not difficult, it is impossible. Back in those days I haven't known and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I was bitter, I held grudges.

My initial reaction was to leave the place and run away from everything. My transfer from HSAM to BSU was partly that. Run away and hide. But my parents know better. I thank God for them. They told me that if I run away from every bad thing that comes my way, I will never know how to deal with them.

Same with Christian life. If we just run away from the world, how owuld we know how to deal with it? I really didn't like The Purpose Driven Life much, but I do remember one principle that has struck me: the principle of insulation, not isolation. No man is an island, they say. It is possible for Christians to be in the world, live in it, but not to be consumed by it.
I remember Christ said "Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile." (Mark 7:14-15) One may read the Word of God everyday, but if what comes out of his mouth does not glorify Him, it as good as not reading the Word at all.

Quoting the song "What The World Can Never Take," I've got a Saviour and He's living in me... and the world will never take you away. Jesus lives in me, and He'll stay there. Nothing will separate me from my King.

Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 38-39)

The Core

2005-07-12T09:47:00.000+08:00

Lani and I met up in Malcolm Hall in UP last Saturday coz I needed to inquire about law school. Afterwards we had lunch in Taco Bell, then strolled a bit after around Gateway, since we'll meet up with the xblock at 3 PM pa in Greenbelt 3. After that we went back to Gateway and had dinner in Burgoo. It was just sad that Zy wasn't able to join us, again, this time because of family matters (the first time was because of work).

But I am happy that my sisters and I are having weekly lunches every Saturday. Well, we try to make it a point to meet up every Saturday. We get to talk about what happened to each other's week and get updated with each other's lives, since we rarely see each other during the week (except for Lani and Zy, who get to attend GenRev Ateneo every Wednesdays, 430-6 PM, SOM 210-- shameless plugging, spread the word). I am looking forward to each Saturday for I know that I would spend another fantastic time with my sisters.

-*-*-*-*-*-

It all started in 2002. Ateneo had just won the UAAP championship. Kimmy, another one of our sisters, invited us to attend a bible study in school the week after the championship game. It was conducted by students who go to Christ's Commission Fellowship (CCF). During that time it was Paul Tanchi (yes, you've read it right) who was leading the study. And from there we started to attend BS (that's bible study folks) regularly in school.

After every teaching, the group divides itself into "breakout groups". Our group was led by Atid and Bobbi. Eventually they wanted to follow up on us and so divided our breakout group into cell groups: Kimmy and Zy went to Atid, Lani and I to Bobbi.

Before I continue, I would like to say that that year was a pivotal year for Lani and me. It was during those times that we consider our 'worst'. No, we don't have vices, but we're not exactly angels either. That invitation of Kimmy was what we needed at the time (remember my earlier entry, about my rollercoaster spiritual life? This was one of the lows).

And so every week Bobbi, Lani and I meet every Thursday lunch time in the 2nd floor of Gonzaga, in front of the pub room. There we will eat lunch together and share what happened to our week. It was also there where we were introduced to the concept of "accountability". It took us a while before we get to trust Bobbi with our most personal details. Lani was not used to divulging personal stuff to other people, and I am not really comfortable sharing either (despite being exposed to such). But after weeks and months of fellowship and spiritual growth, we've gone to trust Bobbi, gradually, with our personal details: our crushes' identities first, then our kilig moments, to our frustrations in school and orgs, our frustrations with other people, even our family problems. Bobbi also came to trust us with her personal stuff, and our friendship grew deeper. We believed that what we three have talked about will remain among the three of us. We even felt that we could trust Bobbi with our lives.

When Bobbi graduated already, Lani and I were transferred to Atid's group, together with Zy and Kimmy. It was another round of trust-building, but it did helped that sometimes our groups would meet over lunch and just bond. Plus the fact that Atid is Bobbi's best friend. I must admit, it really felt nice to be sincerely welcomed into such a friendship. From two, it grew to six. We could text each other asking for prayer intentions without hesitating, knowing that the other would indeed pray for us. And so our cell group leader was Atid now. During that time the park between Dela Costa and Social Science buildings are finished, and so we would talk in the benches there, have our weekly bonding sessions. Then after some time, our cell group developed to a discipleship group. It means that we are being trained to be cell group leaders, just like Bobbi and Atid were to us in the beginning. In CCF they call it D-12 (it's "Discipleship 12" from Jesus' 12 disciples, not Eminem’s band oki?). The friendship grew deeper, the trust grew stronger, our bond more, well, bonded.

Then Atid graduated. They assigned us to a new cell group leader, but it was just not the same. We aren't as comfortable sharing with her as with Atid and Bobbi. She is a really nice girl, and we like her, but it's just not the same. It was also during these times that we weren't able to go to BS regularly, mainly due to thesis work and other academic requirements. And then GenRev Ateneo came. Then Elim Singles (in a span of a few months we were promoted from youth to singles...hehehe I think we’re one of the youngest singles there now). After a few months still, we are attending Team Revival (for me, again).

-*-*-*-*-*-

Now how were we introduced to GenRev and Elim? It started one quiet Black Saturday 2 years ago. I was channel surfing when I came upon this show in channel 7. It was the GenRev TV Special. It got my attention and so I watched. Unfortunately I caught the final part of the show, and there they promoted the GenRev website. So I went there and registered and joined the message boards. I didn't know anyone there, but there was someone who seems familiar to me. After having a confirmation that it was Roni, a batch mate and another DS student, I was thrilled. She introduced me to the people in the boards. When July came that's when the Campus Catalysts project started in Ateneo. I wanted to join, so I messaged them. We met up for our first meeting in Gesù, then I went to GenRev Night, and then Revival Night (I forgot then that GenRev was the band that performed in the mini-concert that happened early 2003, sponsored by VCF, another Christian church). I was always inviting Lani to go with me to GenRev Night but she wasn't allowed yet at that time. After the first sem I kinda laid low with Elim activities, until more than a year later.

We had a project for Theo131 that required us to talk to a Catholic couple who are involved in ministry, and so we interviewed Tita Edna Garcia. That was Lani's first intro to Elim. We were supposed to go to a Revival Night, but we had transpo problems. For our thesis I suggested that we use the GenRev band as our study, since our topic is about Christian rock music. So we interviewed Kiddo, and Kuya Moses, the GenRev coach. Second sem, GenRev came to Ateneo, in December. Friday of the same week was GenRev Night, and surprisingly, Lani was allowed to go and sleep over Elay's pad.

Zy, meantime, was introduced earlier than Lani. Roni have been inviting her to attend GenRev Night, and one Friday we both went there. Then when GenRev Night returned to home base (coz it was transferred to the province of Alabang for a time, for the south people), we got to attend again, together with Kimmy, Yammy, my roommate, and Roni.

-*-*-*-*-*-

It was now three years since God has put us all in each others' lives. I completely trust them with everything. They've known my deepest darkest secrets, and I've known theirs also. We've shared the most fun-filled, laughter-filled times, and we've shared the saddest ones as well. We’re more than just a barkada; we’re soul sisters.

I praise and thank God for the gift of friendship. I thank Him for giving me these two wonderful people who have been there for me during the most crucial point of my spiritual walk. I also thank Him for Atid and Bobbi for planting the seed. I also thank Him for using Kimmy. I also thank Him for Roni, for using her in introducing us to GenRev. I thank Him for placing the right people in my life at the right place, in the right time.

Of course, all three of us acknowledge that the puno't dulo of all these is God. He is the reason why we got together in the first place, and He is at the core of this friendship. Like what Christ said, "for where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them" (Matthew 18:20).

In Idle Times

2005-07-05T09:45:00.000+08:00

Today will be the fifth day that we didn't have broadband internet in the office. So many people have come to diagnose the problem and fix it, but to no avail. We thought the PLDT line man would be our savior from our disconnection to the world, but alas, he wasn't the one.

And so we're left with a lot of idle time in our hands. We can't get to be as productive as we wanted to be, for most of our work depends on the internet (files coming from advertisers wanting to have advertorials done, articles and photos from contributors, discussing articles with them thru YM).

I had expected that by the time I start with my work as the sole editorial assistant for the mag I'm working for I'll be swept with so much work, I'll look like the girl-who-looks-like-a manang in a Stresstabs ad. Not that I'm praying for that to happen. It'd just that I would rather be doing something than just stare at the computer screen the whole day.

That's where I began to appreciate the so-called "menial tasks": answering the phone and taking messages fro other people, wrapping up gifts for FGD, setting up appoinments for my boss. For me those are the job for an office secretary, and I am not one - I'm an editorial assistant! *nose up in the air*

Well, that's just a fancy name. May sound nice but the job ain't glamorous. And now that there isn't any pressing jobs yet for the magazine, I ended up being other people's assistants - but not forced of course.

There came a time that I was begging people to give me something to do: I cleaned up my boss' desk, type whatever the other mag needs typing, anything to get my ass moving.It came to a point last Friday when I didn't want to go to work anymore, because I know it would be the same old boring routine of doing a little bit and then doing nothing.

It's already 4:02 P.M. and I'm already down to typing this journal entry (if you need to know, I drafted this first in Notepad, and when the dial-upped laptop was free I snuck to post it... hehe).

Is there a point to all these? Of course! I'm not ranting here. In fact I wanted to show you how much I appreciate doing the small thing, being the bit player. At first I thought I would be in a very glamorous position, where people look for me in the office, and be given invites to press cons and movie premieres, meet people in various parties and cocktails, rub elbows with the top people in the industry. I'm already one month into the job, and the only exposure I had was one meeting with Haribon. That's it.

I suddenly remembred my friend Zyza's plight in Greenpeace, when she was still connected with the organization. She was downtrodden that her job is way too far from what she really wanted, how her job ranks so low, compared to the one she wanted. And Roni told her that "Remember, Jesus took a towel and washed the apostles' feet, too." And what Lucille, a friend from Elim Singles, said about being a "servant of the servants".

And I got convicted. And it was there that I started to appreciate the little things. Coz I believe that God placed me here for a reason. And that above everyone else, He's the One I'm serving.

When you have done all you have been commanded, say, 'We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do' - Luke 17:10

All About You

2005-06-29T09:38:00.000+08:00

Remember that entry where i talked about how one's occupation sometimes define that person? Well, as of this moment I am STILL not active and fit (and i won't make any promises anymore).

As i was re-reading that post, it got me into thinking: if I would allow myself to be affected or influenced by my work, why not about my faith?

I have been a renewed Christian for 5 years already, and yet I haven't lived fully to that. I am all talk, no work. In 2000 i was in cloud nine with my renewed sprituality and relationship with God when i went to the high school camp of CCF, which was reinforced in 2001 when I joined YFC. Then back to CCF with the bible studies in school the following year. Then the year after that, 2003, i was introduced to GenRev and became sort of involved in Campus Revival. Then bible studies in 1st sem of 2004, then GenRev Ateneo in the last sem of my college life.

Looking at that list one might think that I am this demi-saint, being involved in all these religious activities. But I wasn't. There have been times (a LOT of times) that I have been so un-Christian-like in my words and deeds and thoughts, esp. in thoughts. My 'sisters' (Lani and Zy) can attest to that. There are also instances that I discriminate against people with huge flaws, not minding the bigger flaws of myself. I have been also using Christ's name in vain countless of times. I know what I've been doing is bad, and I just find myself silently crying in the middle of the night coz it's been weighing me down. I have been burdened by it for so long, and yet I'm still at it.]

I may be a Christian, but I am so far away from Christ.

I had this talk with Lani last night via text, talking about this guy (I will write about him in the future, promise) I have finally come to like (to Lani's delight). I told her about my stupid, giggly moments, how stupid grins manage to appear on my face at the mere thought of the guy. And how I also have apprehensions in liking this guy because, unlike the other guys i have liked, he is different. Too different that I felt that I am not worthy of having him, let alone crush on him. And the oh-so-wise Lani told me something that really struck me:
Just think that you would be closer to Jesus because of him. Just remember who his Creator is, and you'll be fine.

And she is absolutely right. I have been struggling with all these emotions that I have forgotten the one important thing that I should've known from the beginning. Oh well, that is what disciplers are for, to help and guide you in your spritual walk.

I want to renew my personal relationship with my Lord. I want to be close with Him the way I used to be, before I went back to my wayward acts. I want to start now...

Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these will be given to you besides (Matthew 6:33)